[Breakup Formula]
W. Manggaejjitteok
We broke up. It was a day with unusually heavy rain this year.
“Let’s break up.”
“Well… I guess so.”
Unlike the thrilling first days of our relationship, the breakup was as easy as saying goodbye. After the breakup, people around me kept asking why a couple of seven years had broken up. There was no reason. We simply broke up because things weren't the same as before, and he accepted it easily, so it was fine.
I even wondered if my love had cooled. It was like that common boredom that couples often experience. I wasn't even sure about that. Boredom? Was that what it felt like? I couldn't quite define it.
I couldn't explain it other than to say it was a feeling I was experiencing for the first time.
Perhaps because we broke up cleanly, I didn't experience any aftereffects. Still, I was busy preparing for employment and working part-time. Thanks to my busy schedule, I quickly found a job and established myself at the company. I was trusted, and my relationships with others were decent.
But, the problem was from now on.
Five years later, after I had found stability, I suddenly felt empty inside. At first, I thought it was because I hadn't been in a relationship, but then I started thinking about you from time to time. I don't know why. I just wanted to see you. I missed you. At first, I thought I was crazy. Was the aftereffects of a breakup only coming after five years?
At first, I went on blind dates like crazy. There were so many kind, well-mannered people in this world. I don't know if it was because I was so virtuous that I only met those kinds of people, but most of them were good people. But the more I did that, the more I realizedI thought of you more.
Until then, it was just a trivial whimI thought.
Really, that is, until then.
“This is Jeon Jeong-guk, who has recently changed jobs.”
A voice that had recently returned to my mind. No, a voice I couldn't forget even if I wanted to, so I kept my gaze fixed on the monitor. Jeon Jungkook. Jeon Jungkook... The name, the face, were the same as the one I pictured in my head. Why... I was just staring at him with a bewildered expression when the team leader spoke to me.
"Ms. Yeoju, you can take care of Jeongguk. Since he's new to our company, there's probably a lot he doesn't know. It's only been four years, so can I leave it to you?"
“Huh? Oh, that’s…”
At the word "Yeoju," Jeongguk's eyes also turned to me. They widened, as if he hadn't expected it at all. I couldn't say a hasty "Okay." What kind of person would be happy to see me, the ex-boyfriend's guardian? I couldn't say anything, just twitching my lips until Jeongguk spoke first.
“Please take good care of me, senior.”
“Yes?, Ah…… yes.”
I accepted, half-heartedly, and became his sergeant. He taught me nothing special. Everything about the company's facilities, its systems, and the work environment. Perhaps because I had experience, I felt comfortable not having to teach him the ins and outs of the job, but my heart felt the same. While I was concerned, Jeon Jungkook seemed calm, if not unconcerned.
“What? Who did you meet?”
As soon as it was time to get off work, I went to see Gayoung, my high school and college friend. As soon as I told her about seeing Jeon Jungkook again after five years, Gayoung's eyes lit up and she rushed at me. She asked me questions like, "How's it been? Is he still handsome?" and "Does he look like he has a girlfriend?" I lifted my lips from the straw I was slurring my coffee with.
“Hey, don’t ask weird questions.”
“No, why? It’s been a while since we last met, so I guess I can do this much.”
Ha... ... That's the problem with Jeon Jungkook. If it had been another ex-boyfriend, I think I would have felt more at ease. Maybe it's because we dated since high school and until just before I graduated from college. Strangely, I felt even more concerned. When I couldn't say anything and just fiddled with the cup with my fingertips, Gayoung hmm- a questioning breath, came closer and rested her chin on her hand.
“Still like that? Your feelings for Jeon Jungkook.”
“…I just, I don’t know.”
"You said you were upset. Because Jeon Jungkook seemed unfazed. Then, isn't that the same thing?"
Maybe he just didn't want to admit that he cared. Maybe it was time to admit it. It's been five years since I broke up with Jeon Jungkook, and I'm finally starting to feel the aftereffects of the breakup. My heart felt even heavier as I admitted it. I felt foolish. He's fine, but even if he wasn't, five years have already passed. Time for others to face their exes without a care. As I lowered my head, Gayoung said, "Oh, our heroine..." and pulled out two tissues from the café table and handed them to me. I thought she meant for me not to cry... but I raised my head. "Hey, I don't cry, right?"
“Oh, shoot. I thought you were crying.”
"……what."
I can't cry, but I feel like crying. I was the one who said we should break up, I was the one who didn't care. And now I feel like this. I really feel like trash.
I went to counseling, but instead of solving my problems, I got excited and drank heavily. I struggled to steady my staggering steps and moved forward. It felt strange. I was clearly walking straight, but my vision kept crooked. Damn it. I wondered if I'd been drugged without realizing it, and I collapsed in front of the front door. What if I get arrested? Drinking made me unintentionally serious.
“Cha Yeoju?…”
A longing voice came from somewhere. Remembering those days, when you'd always call me with such affectionate voice, made my throat ache for no reason. Sure, I'd better not listen. The more I listen, the more tears I'll shed. Hallucinating, I covered my ears with my hands and buried my head in my knees. Quickly... quickly... I wish the hallucination would just go away. As I thought this, squeezing my eyes shut, a large, warm hand rested on top of mine.
“Cha Yeo-ju, are you okay? Look at me. Does it hurt?”
For a hallucination, it seemed too real. The voice, the touch. Now, I felt like I was even seeing hallucinations, so I tried not to raise my head, which was buried in my knees. I was afraid that if I raised my head and met their eyes, I wouldn't be able to control my emotions. I stiffened my neck and tried to keep my head still, but this time, my hands, which were resting on my hands, tightened. It was an action that contained the determination to meet their faces. My head, forced by the force, eventually came face to face with something I didn't want to face.
“It doesn’t seem like anything hurts… What’s with the fever? Cha Yeo-ju, are you crying?”
Tears streamed down my cheeks involuntarily, and I shook my head, unable to speak, and rubbed my cheek with my sleeve. I didn't want to cry, I really didn't want to cry... The tears flowed helplessly, and I was too busy wiping them away to respond. Jungkook, who had been watching, concealed his embarrassment and sighed deeply. A warm hand grabbed my wrist. He then rubbed his reddened eyes with his thumb and spoke.
“If you rub it like that, it will turn red.”
“Huh, huff… Jeonggu… Oh, I’m so sad…”
“…What’s so sad about that?”
His tone was so indifferent, but his actions were anything but. As I sobbed and threw my arms around his neck, Jungkook, accustomed to his embrace, began stroking my back. These embraces… I missed them so much. I missed their scent so much. How much had I cried? Exhausted from crying, I fell into a deep sleep, unaware that I was still in Jungkook’s embrace. I could faintly hear Jungkook sighing.
“…When something happens, I drink, and when I drink, I hug anyone. It’s the same now as it was before.”
This situation,
It brought back memories of the past.
[Jjintteok's Saddam]
I suddenly wanted to write something like a reunion, so I wrote it spontaneously. Since Jungkook and Yeoju were really close during Mary's Blue.
Here at least, lovers…
Well, let's say it's another world view of Mary's Blue...