06ㅣI'm dead
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If there's anyone who can save me, please do so. I desperately want to get out of this swamp. No matter how much I reasoned and hypothesized, no answer emerged. No matter how brilliant my reasoning, there was a flaw. Something I couldn't explain.
As of now, I couldn't explain the "why." Even if it were me who murdered my boyfriend. No, if it were me, it would be even more inexplicable. Why would I, and why would I do it to my lover, the one I loved and supported the most? It was absurd.
Now that I know you're dreaming and giving me evidence, it's my job to figure things out. My boyfriend probably wants me to find the culprit, too.
But here's another question. Why on earth does my boyfriend not reveal the culprit directly, but instead just mention the evidence, leaving me to deduce? Normally, I'm quick-witted and good at understanding his psychology and thinking. But in my dreams, my boyfriend becomes a completely different person, leaving me completely incapable of deducing.
Who should I lean on, who should I pray to? Even I, a non-religious person, want to believe in someone. I wish I had a God. God was my boyfriend, but now I don't have him, and he's causing me trouble. It's as if my God has betrayed me and is now tormenting me.
To receive even a little bit of evidence from my god, I needed to sleep, even if it meant dreaming, but I couldn't sleep. Unable to sleep and unable to reason, I finally sat down at the computer. I wanted to change my mood by writing. It was a moment when I began to appreciate the fact that I was a writer. That's why I could imagine and reason.
I tried to write, word by word, but my mind was filled with "Kim Taehyung." Writing was fun, it was my favorite thing to do, but it was so hard, I was going crazy. I desperately wanted to write even half a page. I never knew I needed to write so desperately.
I finally gave up on writing and threw myself onto the bed. Nothing was possible in this state. If the many people who had already blossomed in my life because of one book, and were waiting for my next work, were to turn away from me because of this one incident, there would be no moment more miserable. I would fall off a cliff, watching myself and my innocent book being trampled to pieces.
Please, I hope it's not murder. If I get involved in a crime, I'll be the one affected. I hate being hurt, so I couldn't tolerate it. I wanted to believe he was simply on a trip and hadn't contacted me.
My mind was working, and I drifted off to sleep without even realizing it. My boyfriend appeared in this dream again. But something was different this time. He was smiling. It seemed like he was forcing the corners of his mouth to smile, but it was the same square-mouthed smile I always saw. I slowly drew closer to him, not even moving farther away. As I approached, he greeted me with a bright smile.
The moment he and I were as close as we could get. With only a little time left, my boyfriend's expression instantly faded. His bright smile vanished, leaving only a murderous glare. Crushed by that murderous aura, I tried to back away, but he grabbed my shoulder tightly. It felt like it was being crushed. I groaned and looked up at him, and he tugged at the corner of his mouth.
“I’m dead.”
“Don’t deny it, I’m dead.”