unfinished short story

goldfish

The goldfish gurgles, gurgles. You're going to die soon. You're trapped in a small fishbowl, breathing endlessly, and you're going to die soon. Just like me, suffocated by affection. How pitiful.





If I bury my nose in love and die, it's like suffocating a goldfish. I laughed like an idiot. Even though you hurt me so badly, I quickly forget it and love you, because I'm just like a goldfish. I mean you to me, and you don't mean me to you. This is a parallel relationship that can't continue. A goldfish in a fishbowl only knows the person who feeds it. I slowly eat up your affection, and then quickly want your love again.

















I'm going to die from love. I'm tired of crying and laughing because of you, Yoon Jung-han. But when I pour alcohol into my mouth, I feel a little better. Ah, you're someone I just can't understand. Why are you giving me a chance when you don't even like me? Yoon Jung-han, your affection is a sin. A huge sin. A serious sin. Look, even though I keep spewing these words, you don't even bat an eye. I want to experience a proper love, just like my name, like the name Kim Sa-rang. What I'm experiencing right now isn't a proper love, but an emotion that slowly eats away at me and entangles me.









Kim Sa-rang poured soju from a bottle and poured out her words to Yoon Jeong-han. A whole chest of soju was piled up next to her.





Hahaha, don't I look like a goldfish?

What are you talking about?

No, you're just, huh? Even if you tear my heart apart, I still love you in the end. I'll forget everything in no time.

..Don't do anything you'll regret tomorrow, drink well and go home.

Oh, really... I've already done a lot of things I regret. So don't look at me like that and act like that.



You act like you like me, but your eyes don't say you love me. That's the worst.







Kim Sa-rang acted like a madman. She'd smile like an idiot, then immediately look into Yoon Jung-han's eyes and complain. Yoon Jung-han knew it too. Ever since Kim Sa-rang first started liking me in high school, Yoon Jung-han knew everything. And Kim Sa-rang knew it too. They were both incredibly perceptive, so they knew each other well. And yet, Kim Sa-rang acted ignorant in front of Yoon Jung-han. Ultimately, perceptiveness is useless in front of love.



Here's a question: Why didn't Yoon Jeong-han draw the line, even though he knew everything?



The answer is simple. Yoon Jung-han is just an asshole. Yoon Jung-han didn't love Kim Sa-rang. One thing was clear to Yoon Jung-han. But the reason Yoon Jung-han is an asshole is simply because of his twisted, dirty, shitty personality. He doesn't love her, but if Kim Sa-rang is with another man or not by his side, he feels really bad, right? That's why Yoon Jung-han treated Kim Sa-rang like a goldfish in a fishbowl. He's bored without her, and he doesn't give her any incredible affection. But why is she affectionate? It's to the point where you might think she should change her name to Yoon Da-jung. Da-jung is Yoon Jung-han's default. There's no other way. Regardless of his shitty personality, Yoon Jung-han was affectionate. Thanks to that, if you just gathered the girls lining up to be Yoon Jung-han, you could easily fill a street from Seoul to Busan.





A person who loves that person's affection also gets hurt because of that affection.

Kim Sa-rang was a perfect example. Even though she knew that Yoon Jung-han's affection wasn't directed only at her, she still liked someone who was affectionate. Right? Kim Sa-rang had her wits about her, so her feelings were too deep to dismiss this love as a fleeting infatuation, and it wasn't a love with any hope of continuing. Even when everyone else gave up on Yoon Jung-han, Kim Sa-rang couldn't let go of her feelings. It's not like Kim Sa-rang hadn't tried to give up on her love for about five years. She firmly believed that when bodies grow distant, hearts grow distant too, and tried hard to avoid Yoon Jung-han, but since she was surrounded by Yoon Jung-han's acquaintances, even that wasn't easy. And when she finally saw him after about a month of hiding, he would wipe the light from her clear, large eyes and ask her what she did wrong.



It's not just a matter of simple love. That expression hinted at Yoon Jung-han's anger. Kim Sa-rang, who was timid despite her bold personality, eventually succumbed to that gaze and tone.





Looking at it this way, it seems that Kim Sa-rang is stuck in a fishbowl called Yoon Jeong-han.










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