Drive
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The daily routine was repetitive. Unlike my heavy, shackled steps, I was dragged around by my superiors as light as a feather. This routine exhausted me both physically and mentally, but all I could do was recharge my energy, exhausted by the weekend, with sleep.
Filling a bottomless pit with water—no matter how many years I've spent on it, I've never gotten used to it. When was the last time I walked facing the sunlight? I can't even remember. Every morning felt like hell amidst the exhausting daily grind, and with the rush to get ready, time to face the sunlight was a luxury I didn't have.
So, did I ever have time to gaze upon the moon and stars? That wasn't the case either. Working overtime, which wasn't mandatory, somehow became almost mandatory for me, so even at night, there was no light for me. Only pitch-black darkness shone before my eyes.
A light absent from my eyes and heart. In contrast to my heart, which was losing its light, the city's stars, filling up one by one, continued to increase. Like a puzzle finding its place, they gradually entered my eyes. Seeing the night sky for the first time in a long while was enough to awaken the voice in my heart, a voice I had kept hidden.
Perhaps, even in my dark times, a small sprout had grown. If I just opened my heart, wouldn't this sprout blossom into a beautiful flower, awakening the radiant light of my youth? A vain thought flooded my mind.
On a weekend when I usually sleep in late, I woke up early for some reason. I opened the window wide, a cool breeze brushing my face, and the chirping of birds tickled my eardrums.
So I left the gray world that had confined me behind and ran through the city. Through the streets, where teenage couples on dates in plain clothes, young couples and children, and adult men and women strode, I reached a street lined with trees.
Unlike my lost eyes, the dream within me, now clearer, grew bigger and bigger. Even the pitch-black darkness that had blinded me no longer frightened me. The scent of phytoncide tickled my nose, and the wind that blew through my hair tickled my heart, forcing me to press harder.
Forgetting all fear, I unchained myself from the shackles that bound my feet and felt this wind. Without looking back, I trusted my path, which had no direction. My path had no destination. I was the one in control, so I headed wherever I wanted.
When I stopped briefly in a grassy park and got out, I was greeted by a multitude of colorful butterflies. They were flying in a flock, heading somewhere. It was just a small flap of their wings, but they seemed to beckon me to follow, and I found myself drawn to them without even realizing it.
The place I arrived at was a place where a brilliant blue sea and a desolate meadow met. The gentle sound of waves lapping at my ears, the unique saltiness of the sea, and the fresh scent of grass all harmonized perfectly. Added to this, the abundance of beautiful flowers created a perfect trifecta.
It was such a beautiful and magnificent landscape that I wondered why I hadn't known about this place before. Despite the beauty and dazzling scenery, the absence of people made it a perfect place for healing. The cool breeze that caressed my hair made me feel even better. Butterflies flew gracefully, like a waltz, landing on my finger, and sparrows circled around me.
The feeling of being alone in nature was indescribably blissful. It felt like all my usual stress had melted away. Who knew a single drive could bring such happiness?
Walking on the sand, where footprints crunch everywhere I go, I concentrated on the gentle sound of the waves, and all distracting thoughts seemed to vanish. As I savored this blissful bliss, a thought suddenly occurred to me: Is it okay for me to be this happy? Does happiness come at a price? As happy as I am now, perhaps my future self will be even more unhappy than I am now.
I was instantly overcome with anxiety. I'd rather be ordinary. If I'm going to be happy once and then miserable to the point of death, I'd rather be a little stressed and a little happy at the same time.
The sound of waves and birdsong no longer reached my ears. The sand, which had once made a pleasant sound with every step, had suddenly hardened, as if it had turned into asphalt. The once blue sea had turned black, and the butterflies, fluttering their wings, flew off somewhere.
It was like a fantasy, the phenomena and sights I'd seen so far. Just as I was wondering how stressed one must be to even see hallucinations, a butterfly returned to me. It was the same butterfly that had guided me earlier. A beautiful blue butterfly.
I sensed a silent message from the butterfly, staring at me with a sorrowful gaze. Without realizing it, I found myself drawn deeper and deeper into its mysterious form. It was as if my only soul had been stolen, completely captivated by its movements, I'd forgotten even to breathe. I couldn't look away. Only when the message, seemingly transmitted through my mind, finally came to my senses again.
You are a perfect person.
You don't have to get hurt.
Being happy doesn't mean unhappiness follows.
Your life is not full of misfortune.
Rather, that thought is ruining a happy life.
Happiness is not followed by unhappiness,
Happiness follows misfortune.
So, there is no need to be frustrated.
Because you are a child who can always be happy.