We decided not to cross the line.

Episode 90. Acknowledgment

"Everything Julie said is true.

I don’t want to make excuses, but,

to be more precise...

the day before I decided to go to Paris,

after I’d packed my bags,

I was about to email the publisher

when I ended up seeing the article Julie had seen too.

After that, I can’t even remember

what mindset I was in when I went all the way to Korea.

I wasn’t even thinking about Julie, and

I had completely forgotten the promise I’d made

to meet Julie’s parents.

After I arrived in Korea

and only after I’d made sure that person was safe

did I remember the promise I’d made to Julie."





While I was speaking,

Julian sat listening to me without moving a muscle.





I spoke exactly as it was,

feeling as if today was

my last day seeing Julian.

without adding or leaving anything out.





After listening to me all the way through, Julian

fiddled with his teacup for a while and said nothing.





"In the end, I’m the one who failed to keep my promise.

I said I’d

make you forget that person."




He said with a bitter smile.




"It’s not Julie’s fault... this is all my fault.

It shouldn’t have been me meeting you

while I still couldn’t forget that person.

I’m sorry."
 




"Can I ask you just one thing?"





"Yes..."





"If you couldn’t forget them that much, why did you break up?

Did that person end it?

Or did you end it?"





"Sorry, but...

since it’s a matter between me and that person,

I don’t want to talk about that part.

But... why are you asking?

Why are you suddenly curious about that now?"





"Who ended the relationship matters to me.

Because... I’m going to ask you this.

If I pretend nothing ever happened..

could you do the same?"





"Julie..."




I was at a loss for words at his question,

and froze there.




"This... what Julie just said now

doesn’t make sense.

Our relationship can’t go on any longer."





"When you say ‘our,’ do you mean me and you?
 
Or do you mean that ex and you?"




"Me and you.

You’ve seen all the way to my lowest point,

so how could I keep our relationship

on equal footing with you?

I’d always end up facing you with guilt, and

at any time, you’d suddenly

remember the betrayal you’re feeling from me right now."






"So...

what I mean is, I’ve seen all the way to your lowest point too...

so I’m wondering if maybe we could

start our relationship over from square one."





The Julian I had seen so far was calm,

kind, and considerate.





But it seems that was only the tip of the iceberg.

Even our relationship was something he could

judge and decide with reason rather than emotion.

A relationship between people...




more specifically, a relationship between a man and a woman,

to be able to define it so simply and so clearly

was something I couldn’t understand.

"I don’t think I can...

do it all over again..."




"I’m not going to do love and all that anymore..."







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