Love is better than pain
15. I'm not okay
Back home from the hospital.
As soon as Siyeon closed the front door, she dropped her bag on the floor with a thud.
He dragged himself to the bed and collapsed onto it.
The medical staff's words continued to ring in my ears.
'It's been six months.'
강시연
“……”
At first, I was dazed. But the moment I lay down—my body and mind felt completely drained, and tears began to flow involuntarily.
I bit my lip to keep from crying, but once my emotions opened, they didn't close easily.
What should I tell my mom? What should I tell my company? Should I get treatment? Can I really hold out until the end?
Countless thoughts raced through my head. And then, suppressing them all, a single name emerged.
강시연
‘…Mr. Myeongho.’
I was out of breath.
A lump rose in her throat, as if her throat was choked. Siyeon pulled out her phone and pulled out a photo from her gallery. His face, smiling while cooking last night.
Soft eyes and warm smile.
The image of her smiling just at herself, so vivid. Looking at the photo, Siyeon buried her face in her pillow and burst into tears.
강시연
"Dying... I can't even imagine... Now... how do I sort this out..."
My fingertips were trembling and tears were flowing continuously.
Then— The phone vibrated. A name appeared on the screen.
'Myeongho'
Siyeon was startled and hurriedly wiped it away. After a moment of hesitation, she answered the phone.
디에잇(명호)
[I heard you didn't come to work today. What's going on?]
Myungho's voice was filled with worry. Siyeon tried to hide her tears and spoke with a firm air.
강시연
“…No. I’m fine. I just feel a little dizzy… I’m going to take some medicine and rest.”
For a while, Myungho remained silent.
and-
He spoke quietly, but firmly.
디에잇(명호)
[Siyeon, are you crying right now?]
At those words, Siyeon's heart sank again. She held her breath.
강시연
“…Ah… No…”
Although he denied it, his voice trembled, and Myeongho couldn't have missed it.
디에잇(명호)
[Where are you, Siyeon?]
강시연
"... ..."
디에잇(명호)
[Where is it...]
강시연
“…I… I’m really okay…”
디에잇(명호)
[…I miss you.]
Although brief, the emotion contained in those words sank Siyeon's heart again.
디에잇(명호)
[I have an overseas schedule starting tomorrow, so I won't be able to see you for a few days. I won't be able to show you my face...?]
At those words, Siyeon quietly bit her lip and spoke softly.
강시연
“…I’ll go to Myeongho’s house.”
I hung up the phone and got up. My face in the mirror was red and swollen.
The tears still wouldn't stop, and I had to force myself to breathe them out.
But— I couldn't help but show my face to him.
As she changed clothes, Siyeon swallowed back the tears that were welling up in her chest.
***
In front of Myeongho's house. Standing in front of the door, Siyeon adjusted her clothes without a mirror and pressed her palm against her eyes a couple of times.
강시연
‘Don’t cry. Don’t ever cry.’
My fingertips were cold.
But if I cried now—I felt like everything would be discovered. I quietly rang the bell, and the door opened.
강시연
"came."
As soon as Myeongho saw her, he silently reached out and gently took her bag.
디에잇(명호)
“Sit down first. It's on the sofa. I'll bring you something warm.”
As Siyeon sat down on the sofa, Myungho quietly headed toward the kitchen.
A moment later, a mug filled with warm tea was placed in Siyeon's hands.
디에잇(명호)
“You said you were full. Let’s eat something soft. Something that’s easy on the stomach.”
Siyeon said with a forced smile.
강시연
"Yes, that's right...!"
Myeongho sat quietly next to Siyeon. After taking a short breath, he asked in a slightly lower voice.
디에잇(명호)
“Siyeon, where does it hurt?”
At that moment— Shiyeon's heart seemed to pound, crashing to the floor. For a moment, her breath caught in her throat.
But… She quickly suppressed her emotions.
강시연
“…Oh, there’s nothing else besides the body? Why?”
Myeongho spoke cautiously, but without averting his eyes.
디에잇(명호)
"There's blood in the bathroom. It feels so strange... I wonder if she's really hurt. Of course, I know women have their moments..."
At those words, Siyeon gasped. Nevertheless, she quickly moved her facial muscles to form a smile and spoke.
강시연
“Oh, that… I had a little nosebleed, so I wiped it… I didn’t say anything and just… I’m sorry.”
Myeongho said, lightly squeezing her hand.
디에잇(명호)
"No. I'm not asking for an apology. Are you okay now? Is your nose bleeding?"
강시연
“Of course! I’m completely fine now.”
Siyeon forced herself to smile brighter. Her smile was more painful than her tears.
She leaned carefully towards Myeongho.
강시연
“Wait… can you hug me?”
Myungho didn't answer, but carefully embraced her. He wrapped his arms around her small back and held her quietly to his chest.
The embrace was still warm. And so cozy.
강시연
‘In these arms… How long can I stay here…?’
Siyeon closed her eyes quietly and swallowed twice. She lied.
But now… in these arms, it was sincere.