Obsessive man
Obsessed Man: 46
김 여주
"ha..-"
I kept getting more and more depressed about how I was falling apart.
김 여주
"Still, if it were like the past, I would have harmed myself again, but thanks to the people around me, it's been quite a while since I've done so."
As I muttered to myself, I stared blankly at the utility knife. However, Minhyun oppa's face kept popping into my head, so I couldn't bring myself to have any bad thoughts, and I shook my head.
김 여주
"Still... if I self-harm, Minhyun oppa will be upset."
김 여주
"Since I didn't have anyone precious to me, I used to self-harm while only thinking about being hurt... Looking back now, I realize how messed up things really were for me."
While I was trying to smile and talking to myself, I heard a gentle but weary voice.
황 민현
"Yeoju."
김 여주
"..."
황 민현
"Kim Yeo-ju.. *cough*..-"
황 민현
"Are you seriously testing my patience? *Cough*..."
He seemed to be in pain somewhere, perhaps due to the stress of waiting for me for four days. Sigh, I don't want to go out yet.
황 민현
"I'm going to work. When I get back, please make sure to come out."
Why don't you just go home... Ugh, I don't know.
김 여주
...I completely forgot about cooking school.
I hadn't looked at my phone for the past four days except to check what time it was and how many days had passed, so I had a lot of missed calls.
김 여주
"...Never mind. We're going to see each other at the office in three days anyway, so do I really need to tell you now?"
"Ding-ding—" It was Minhyun oppa's call. I was afraid I might really get sick if I didn't even answer this, so I finally answered the phone with trembling hands.
김 여주
- "..."
황 민현
"...Thanks for accepting me. You actually took 51 messages. *Cough, cough*... Are you really angry at me? I'm seriously going crazy, Yeoju. *Cough cough*, *Haa*..."
김 여주
- "..."
I wanted to ask if he was okay, tell him to go to the hospital, and apologize, but the overwhelming guilt prevented me from saying it.
황 민현
"...I'm less worried now that you accepted me. Make sure to call me if you get sick."
황 민현
"I love you. I want to see you soon, Yeoju."
I couldn't bring myself to say the words "me too." I couldn't bring myself to utter those words that kept swirling in my head.
황 민현
- "Then... I'll hang up."
"Click—" It was only after the call ended that I regretted it, thinking, 'I should have at least said I love you,' but even if I could turn back time, I wouldn't have been able to do it because of the guilt.
Eventually, while lost in thought and reminiscing alone, I unintentionally ended up thinking of my parents.
김 여주
"..Phew."
I don't usually think about my parents, nor do I think about them often, so I'm actually wondering why they came to mind at a situation like this. I'm already feeling down, so I really don't know why I'm acting like this.
I was an ordinary student until I entered high school. My mother was a housewife and my father was an office worker, and I was just a regular student, neither a victim of bullying nor a member of a gang.
However, one day, my mother and father had a fight. Since it happened occasionally, I didn't realize the seriousness of it and just looked at my phone, but it seemed like the situation was escalating.
The situation had deteriorated significantly. My mother had collapsed with blood gushing from her head, so I was so shocked that I couldn't help but get angry at my father.
김 여주
"Dad... what did you just do?!"
The words I heard soon after were, "Do you want to die too?" Terrified, I went into my room, locked the door and windows, and texted my best friend, but at my request, my friend cursed at me severely.
Back then, I was just an immature middle schooler who only cared about his friend, so I thought that friend would really help me, but it was just my delusion.
김 여주
"Haa, what should I do..."
Before I knew it, my door was open, and a soju bottle flew at my face and shattered into pieces. When I touched my face, I saw blood was coming out, and it hurt so much that I screamed.
김 여주
"Fuck, what are you doing?!"
I think that was the first time I swore at my father. Ah, it was the first and last time.
I was beaten continuously after my father asked if I wanted to die, and I continued to be beaten for several months after that. Unable to bear it any longer, I ran away from home.
I was confused because I had nowhere to go, but I went to school with the help of a classmate, and thanks to my closest friend, the rumors had already spread.
When I met my teachers, I only heard sarcastic remarks like "You should have done better," and when I met my friends, I had to listen to them openly badmouthing me.
김 여주
Don't speak carelessly.
Whenever I spoke like that, they treated me like a weird kid, claiming I was just worried about them, so I ended up attending school quietly, and I think I was able to attend school for three years thanks to the help of one good teacher.
I became an adult soon after, but I had nowhere to go, and even going to college was a struggle. However, after spending several months living solely on part-time jobs, a helping hand reached out to me.
Thanks to the college I went to because of kind and good people, I even managed to find a job. Of course, that was the company where Park Woo-jin was the CEO, and since then, all the things that have happened have led me to become an ordinary office worker.
김 여주
"It feels like you've really had a hard life, Kim Yeo-ju... Pfft."
It was really tough back then, but now I think I can laugh it off to some extent.
김 여주
"Since I don't think about the past and only think about the present moment of being loved, it feels like I keep raising my standards for happiness."
김 여주
I really need to be more humble.