Jaehyun Fanfic | To save you - EP. 7 < Memory of Being Held >

You, who always seemed so calm, looked smaller than anyone else when you cowered and cried. So my heart hurt even more. What kind of thing are you going through at that age..

I carefully approached you and crouched down in front of you.

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*hic, sob..*

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...

You must have sensed my presence, because you lifted your head. And soon, my reflection appeared in your eyes.

Your eyes were red from crying for who knows how long, tears pooled on your face, and then panic quickly showed. But understanding your situation, I couldn’t leave, and I couldn’t say anything either. I just..

held you.

-

* From Jaehyun’s point of view

I got hit again today.

Ah, still, this time the gap was a little longer. But since I had no money saved up, I got hit for almost about 3 times more. Then is it the same thing?

At first, before that bastard figured out where my house was, I wanted to come home quickly even to this worn-out house.. But after he found out, I didn’t go inside the house unless I was sleeping.

But lately I’ve been not wanting to go in even more, so I barely went, and today I went in a little early, and as always, my bad feeling didn’t betray me. Sure enough, that person was at home.

-

After getting beaten to the point of being sick of it and after he left, I went out too. He wasn’t there, but I just didn’t want to stay in that place.

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Haa..

I just came out aimlessly and kept walking. Even though it was spring, the weather was pretty hot. Is summer coming soon?

My summers were always the worst. Bad things seem to come all at once, as if they’d been waiting. This summer too.. will it be the worst?

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.. What am I doing right now..

I just walked blankly, then saw how far I’d come and realized it, so I turned my steps around and walked back toward home. Then something caught my eye.

A mother hugging her child. It was a really ordinary, common scene, but for some reason I couldn’t look away.

.. Have I ever been hugged by someone?

There was nothing in my memory, no memory of ever being hugged by someone. I think I’ve hugged someone before. Probably I hugged my mom. But .. my mom had never hugged me.

-

- sob, hic.. sniff..

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Mom.. don’t cry.

Her clothes were hanging loose, her hair was a mess. I hugged my mother, who was painfully thin, my mother crying so miserably it was almost heartbreaking.

Even so, Mom just kept sniffing for several minutes without saying anything. Then she looked at me and said.

- Jaehyun.. our Jaehyun is already in the first year of middle school now, right.. sob..

- I don’t know if I can stay by your side any longer..

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M, Mom.. what’s wrong..

- I have our Jaehyun, but.. why do I keep wanting to die.

-

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...

Remembering what I shouldn’t remember in this situation.

I thought I wouldn’t cry anymore now.. but tears are coming again. Tears are really strange. Even things that used to be fine before turn everything into sorrow.

I bit my lip hard, holding back tears, and walked quickly toward home. I’ve just never liked crying where people can see me.

-

From the long alley on the way home onward, all sorts of other thoughts came up too.

In the end, I couldn’t hold it in, and my sobbing burst out in the alley. I was glad no one was there.

My strength left my legs and I sank down. Even when I tried changing my posture, the tears showed no sign of stopping. So I just crouched there, buried my head, and cried.

It really has been a long time since I cried this much. It’s been a while, but.. unbelievably, the fact that I had no memory of ever being held by anyone made me so sad I kept crying. It’s nothing much..

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*hic, sob..*

Trying to stop my tears, I even started hiccuping. Ah, why am I crying over something like this? I thought. This much is.. nothing at all.

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...

I felt something like a presence in front of me. It might have been my imagination, but just in case that person was there ..?

Carefully, I lifted my head. As my blurred, tear-filled vision slowly came into focus, I saw not anyone else.. but Moon Hana.

I was so flustered. Moon Hana, of all people. She probably doesn’t live here, so why is she here? How will she look at me.. I’ll have to see her again tomorrow too, what do I d..

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..!

One of Moon Hana’s hands covered the back of my head and pulled me into her arms, and her other hand patted my back. So.. Moon Hana hugged me in an instant.

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Y, you.. what are you, wh, what are you doing..

I stammered in panic. Really, I could have pushed her away, but for some reason, the warmth coming from Moon Hana was just too warm.

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..

Moon Hana acted like she hadn’t heard me and only held me tighter. .. I didn’t push her away. It was just that, being hugged like this all at once, I felt like I was going to cry again.