Clang-
The wine glass I was holding fell to the floor in an instant.
It shattered into pieces with a loud noise. It seemed like it could never be restored. Like love.
-
I couldn't believe the sight that unfolded before my eyes.
Was it my fault for thinking I could be loved?
Next to him, the woman he had sworn to love for the rest of his life, was a strange woman. They were kissing and expressing their love.
I hated that woman to death. I was actually grateful that she had ruined my family, my everything. I was just angry that she could be loved so easily.
I'm so obsessed with him that I constantly try to fix myself and force myself into that mold, even though I know I won't fit in, because I want to be loved.
You were that kind of person.
I held back from saying I loved you until the very end,
I had a hard time saying just one word, "I love you."
I knew it was time to let him go.
It was already too late to regret not meeting in the first place, and it felt too early to truly feel that it was over.
But sometimes, just occasionally, I wish you would cry in my absence, that you would feel my absence deeply.
With those words, I fell into a deep sleep.
I had a dream so beautiful and ecstatic that it was beyond description.
/
"Ugh.."
I woke up with a nagging headache.
But, am I not dead?
I jumped up, came to my senses, and quickly looked around.
I was lying in the middle of an unfamiliar, completely white space.
There was a ringer in my arm, and a strange man was next to me.
I fell asleep holding his hand. A sudden wave of anxiety washed over me, and I began to chew my lips.
"I told you not to bite your lips."
- omg
I was so surprised that I let out a single scream.
The man closed his eyes tightly, as if relieved that I was awake.
- who are you?
“…It’s me… Yeoju.. “
- Yeoju? What's that? I'm Hera...
The man seemed quite shocked by my words.
Not knowing what to do, I tried to turn my gaze, but my eyes met with mine in the mirror hanging on the wall. It felt strange. No, very strange.
That appearance was not the me I knew.
- Excuse me… Who am I?
He finally shook his head at my question. What is this man? Where is this place? And who am I? I had to find the answers to these questions.
•••
Breaking the long silence, several people in white coats entered and asked a few questions. They were the same questions I was seeking answers to. Naturally, I couldn't answer, and they told me to leave the hospital.
“..Let’s go home, heroine.”
I could feel the man's voice trembling. I kept my mouth shut, afraid that if I said I didn't know where home was, I'd burst into tears.
I was led out by his hand.
•••
" omg….. "
The world I saw the moment I left the building was unforgettably beautiful. The silence of the place was, in a way, terrifying. Buildings that seemed to reach the sky, cars speeding by.
But they came to me as a curiosity.
•••
It was the way home. We were strangely silent. But I thought maybe he could at least tell me who he was... I hated that man for no reason.
I raised my head to look at the man, and for some reason, he'd been staring at me. I met his eyes. He smiled brightly. But behind his smiling face, there was a hint of sadness.
When I entered the dark house and turned on the light, I was actually startled, but I held back the awkward atmosphere and stood there, hesitant.
He put down his luggage, went to the chair and sat down, then tapped the seat next to him. It seemed like he was telling me to sit next to him, so I ran over and sat down.
But seeing him not saying anything, I also kept my mouth shut
I just kept pressing my poor fingers.
“..I’m Jungkook, Jeon Jungkook.”
- …jungkook….
No matter how hard I tried to remember, it was a name I was hearing for the first time.
“You don’t know who I am, do you?? “
He asked me playfully, breaking the awkward atmosphere.
It seemed like he was trying to let it go. Maybe that's why he looked even sadder.
I bowed my head deeply, saying I was sorry for not knowing.
Then he reassured me again, saying it was okay.
“Your name is Jeon Yeo-ju.”
- Jeon Yeo-ju...what a pretty name.
“Right?.. But how pretty is your smile?”
- What kind of person was I to you?
“ ..I thought you would always smile by my side, but one day
“It was the kind of thing that seemed like it would disappear.”
He answered, holding back tears. It was a short time, though.
I could tell just how much he loved me.
- ..Would you still love me if I were someone else?
“ … ”
Jeongguk, unable to answer the question, simply stared at the floor. I didn't ask any more questions.
The outside, which had been dark since I fell asleep, had become brighter.
But did I sleep in bed yesterday?
At that moment, the door suddenly opened and Jeongguk came in.
"Are you awake? Let's eat breakfast and go to school."
- school?
I don't know what school was, but I got up, washed my face, and went outside, drawn by the sweet smell of bread.
Jungkook was seen spreading strawberry jam on toast.
I naturally went to the table and sat down.
- What is school?
"You'll know when you go"
Jungkook gave me his signature smile along with an answer that made me curious.
•••
One month and two weeks have passed.
College life was going pretty well. He really seemed like just another normal 21st-century twenty-two-year-old. But lately, something was off with Jungkook. He always seemed anxious, like something was about to happen.
Then this morning, things blew up.
Since I had some time left before class, I went with Jeongguk like usual.
I'm going to a cafe to order something.
- I want hot chocolate.. and you??
...
- Hey Jeon Jungkook.
Jeongguk bit his lips and stared into space.
These kinds of things have been happening more and more lately. But when asked what was wrong, Jeongguk just laughed it off, so I couldn't hold it in any longer and just exploded.
- Jeon Jungkook. Who are you? What's your complaint? Tell me.
"It's not like that, heroine. Just wait a minute,
- No? No again? Are you trying to make a fool of me?
"No, really."
I left Jeongguk alone and went out of the cafe.
I didn't think I did anything wrong. The lecture and everything.
I threw it away and headed straight home.
•••
When I got home, I saw Jungkook sitting on the sofa, having come running again.
"Jeon Yeo-ju. Come here."
- ..no.
"And you're crying."
In a future world that suddenly fell into place, the only place I could rely on was Jeongguk, and I was afraid that even that would disappear.
Even though I was spitting out words of displeasure, tears were falling.
When Jeongguk hugged me tightly like that,
I felt a love I thought I'd never feel again. Even though I knew loving someone was truly miserable, I jumped in again.
•••
It was winter that year. It was a snowy winter day.
I was waiting for Jungkook while watching the snowflakes falling on the windowsill. When I heard the sound of the door opening, Jungkook saw me running out as if he had been waiting for me and showered me with kisses as if he thought I was cute.
- Jungkook!! Snow!! Snowman!! Let's go make a snowman!!
"Is that so?"
Jungkook smiled brightly at the sight of me pointing out the window, jumping up and down like an excited puppy. It wasn't a sad smile at all, but a genuinely happy one.
As I went outside, a white, white world unfolded before my eyes.
You, who could do anything, easily created several snowmen with your large, white hands. On the other hand, you laughed like a child when you saw me barely making even a crooked, strange snowman.
•••
I turned off the lights and turned on one of the mood lights on the table.
Then he went into your arms while you were lying down and hugged you tightly.
- .. love you
It was the first time I'd ever said that to Jungkook. Perhaps I was like him before. I'd been sparing with the words "I love you," yet finding it difficult to say them.
" me too "
- I love you.
"Yeah me too"
- Huh? I love you!!
"ㅋㅋㅋ I love you too"
My eyes fluttered shut at the faint scent of fabric softener and the touch of Jeongguk's patting hand. It was just one of many days, but today felt especially special.
•••
It was dawn.
I woke up to excruciating pain, something I had never felt before.
You all know that? They say people intuitively know when they're going to die, and that's exactly what it felt like.
I quickly shook Jeongguk awake. Normally, you slept so soundly you wouldn't even notice if someone carried you, but for some reason, you couldn't sleep deeply. You woke up at the sound of my name.
- Jungkook...Jung..Kook..
"Yes, heroine. It's okay. It's okay.."
- ..I..am sorry...
Jungkook, who had been holding back tears until the very end, finally burst into tears at the words of apology. I knew Jungkook all too well.
I'm afraid that if Jungkook cries, I'll be more upset. That's probably why.
- Don't cry, idiot... You look pretty when you smile.
"I'm sorry... I couldn't protect you until the end..."
Parting with you, parting with someone I love, was a sorrow so great I couldn't bear it. I wish I didn't have to think about you so much every year, in the last season of the year, winter.
- I'll go first and wait. I'll always be there, just like I am now, waiting for you forever...
...
- love you
I held each other's hands tightly in Jeongguk's arms
I closed my heavy eyes.
/
A few hours before the heroine first woke up,
At the hospital, Jeong-guk heard shocking news from the doctors.
"There are only about two months left."
"Be prepared mentally."
That was why he showed such an anxious look in front of the female protagonist, and that was also why he was able to send her off well even at the last moment.
Love can't last forever, I guess. But let's not forget each other. We will remember, and the world will remember.
We were each other's winter.
Let's remember the winter we loved. And let's meet again in that winter.