Episode 7
mistake.
(Namjoo's point of view)
It kept bothering me.
That major...
Still struggling with the 'child with a story of trying to commit suicide'
It seemed like he was there. I think I saw him coming in and out of that hospital room every day.
'You're persistent... or are you stupid...'
A week later, it was still the same. I've never seen someone so clueless...
You say you're opening your heart, but I wonder what will happen to that hospital room door that keeps opening before you open your heart...
It was so frustrating to watch. Is it really that hard?
I am the type of person who thinks meddling in other people's business is the most trivial thing.
But... I keep seeing this and thinking about it...
I didn't really help the resident. I hated the constant reminders of him. I did this trivial task because I felt it was a waste of time.
-dripping-
After knocking, I went to the child.
"who are you?"
As expected, the tone of voice was cold.
"I'm a doctor."
"Why did you come?"
It's really cold... It means to get out quickly...
"You look unwell?"
"Well... it's not good. What's going on?"
"Doctors don't come to see patients because something is wrong. They just come to see how they're doing, to see how things are going."
"Oh, that's fine. I'm fine."
From what I can tell from what you're saying, you really have your heart closed.
There really wasn't even an ant hole. It was really bleak...
"Hyein? Right? Your name?"
".."
"Hyein, are you tired?"
".."
"But... is that only for a moment? Your difficult feelings right now.
It will be gone soon"
"I hear that every day.."
"Yeah, you've heard it all the time. It's true.
But you know, Hyein, if you keep hiding those difficult feelings that you thought would pass and suffer alone, they will remain in your heart even when you grow up, right?"
"What are you talking about?"
"That's why I'm telling you to share your pain. With someone else. That's how you'll get better. It's just like a wound. You need ventilation to heal it quickly, and you need to apply medicine so it doesn't get worse."
".."
"I mean, when I was sick like you, I was sick alone. I had no one to share it with. Maybe that's why I still get sick sometimes."
"Teacher... why... were you sick...?"
"Me...? Because no one is by my side...
"Everyone abandoned me"
"..Teacher...? Why..?"
"Because I was different from them..."
"What is it..?"
"That might be a bit difficult for Hyein to understand, right?"
"..you don't want to tell me?"
"Oh my...you're smart lol
"Now, shall we talk about Hyein?"
".....I..."
Yes. If you do it slowly, it'll be fine. There's no need to rush.
"It was hard. People around me had high expectations of me..."
"expectation?"
"I do ballet... but it's so hard and I don't want to do it.... They make me practice all day long... It's so hard... It's so hard..."
"Hmm... That must have been hard..."
"yes?"
"I think it must have been hard for Hyein..."
The child looks at me blankly.
Are you saying that there really was no one who understood this little child's feelings to this extent?
My heart ached. I'd been enduring this hardship alone.
"Ha~ Talking about old times makes me feel down?~ Well, then should I cheer up again? Haha"
"all right"
"Then take a rest~"
"yes..."
I just need to do this much.
I thought that if I could just find the door and key to the heart like this, the specialist and this child would be the ones to insert and turn the key.
And then he opened the hospital room door.
"teacher! "
"huh?"
" ....thank you.."
"....haha okay~"
I thought it was just a trivial thing to meddle in other people's business, but I felt an unexpected sense of accomplishment and pride.
It's been a long time since I've felt this way.
I opened the door and went outside, and there was a resident.
'I knew it... You don't miss a single day.'
The resident looked at me with a surprised expression, so I nodded and turned away.
'I think I can do the rest well. That one...'
That afternoon, the resident came to my lab.
I knocked, and although I don't usually open doors, I opened them to see if the resident had managed to insert the key. It was the first time someone had entered my lab.
"My name is Jeong Bo-ram, a first-year resident."
He comes to me and asks me what I did.
How did you do it? Now that I think about it, I wasn't stupid.. haha
Jeong...reward? That's what you said?
When Mr. Jeong came to me and asked for help, I told him to open his heart first.
That's exactly what I was telling my story.
Since I have opened my heart, you should also repay my kindness.
I opened my heart to you first, so please open your heart to me too.
That's roughly what it meant.
He listened to me and made a face as if he knew something.
'You already understand?'
People these days who are trying to find an exact answer to a question probably wouldn't understand.
I thought it was strange that I already understood, but Professor Jeong... kept coming to my lab.
'I guess... it wasn't enough...'
I knew you would keep coming to my lab.
But we haven't met yet. If you keep talking, I'll keep coming back to you.
'This is the end, Mr. Jeong. This time, too, it was too late.
It was my mistake. I shouldn't have closed the distance even a little bit...'
I thought I would never get close to you again...
Nothing is going well these days.
Dr. Jeong came to my surgery again.
But I didn't care. Mr. Jeong seemed to care about me, but...
Because I was so focused on the surgery, I didn't care what was going on around me. So I just ignored it.
'Huh?! Why is this happening?!'
A strange thing happened. I've never panicked during surgery. I've never had a surgery go wrong.
The bleeding didn't pose any threat to me.
Even if the bleeding doesn't stop, I can stop time.
I wasn't scared at all.
But I made a mistake today.
I couldn't help but be embarrassed by the mistake I had made.
Dr. Jeong covered up my mistake, and as soon as the surgery was over, he questioned me. He asked me why I did that.
I couldn't readily answer. I didn't understand the situation myself. Even though I wasn't quite settled inside, I lashed out at the seemingly normal Mr. Jeong at the sound I heard outside.
"I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. It was a mistake, too."
I returned to my lab, sat down in my chair, and thought for a long time.
What was the situation at that time...
The surgery was something I was so confident about...
It wasn't cardiac arrest, it was bleeding... They couldn't catch it.
I don't know why,
I tried to stop time because there was a lot of bleeding,
Time did not stop.
I used that ability once during my most recent surgery.
Strangely, my ability didn't work today, and if I had done something wrong, I could have been in big trouble.
Why...why on earth did it happen...
Still, the bleeding that continued even after I used my ability...was lingering in my head.