Bittersweet

10_Bittersweet

I think it's best to leave here.







What the hell is this nonsense? After his conversation with Mingyu ended, Wonwoo focused on recovering. Even if he had faith in himself, who would he be willing to deal with when his body wasn't in good shape? On the other side, Seungchul's spy, Soonyoung, is a double-edged sword, and she's speaking directly.A spy doesn't just take one boat.Since he had declared it, Wonwoo should have prepared. He might have to go back there again if things went wrong.

When I recovered enough to move my body, I avoided Min-gyu and spoke with Jeong-han alone. That's when I said this.I think it's best to leave here.Jeonghan said that no matter how free his organization is, it cannot escape the framework of the organization, and that now would be the opportunity to completely break away from the organization.

Wonwoo shared Jeonghan's thoughts. With his life and death still uncertain, he wondered if there was a more stable, less risky time than now. The freedom he'd once felt had made him thirsty for it again, and Wonwoo didn't want to delay any longer. It was an inevitable choice, even though he'd promised Mingyu he wouldn't disappear suddenly.





"Will you explain to Min-gyu later?"

"All the resentment from you will come to me. But I will."

"I've been hoping and thinking about this for a while now..."





Wonwoo looked at Jeonghan and brought up a story from the past.

His fate was greatly influenced by the jackknife that had now reached Min-gyu. He remembers the days when he drenched himself in blood. He hated killing anyone as much as he hated killing himself. The first day he held a jackknife. He didn't want to hear or see anyone scream or resist. So he stabbed recklessly. He knew that if he kept doing it, they wouldn't scream or resist. He thought that both his and his suffering would end when his clothes were soaked in someone else's blood.

But that was Wonwoo's own rationalization. The mangled corpse grew cold, blood splattered everywhere, and all that remained for Wonwoo was the fear and terror that followed the murder. And even more frightening than that was an emptiness. When he felt that emptiness, Wonwoo realized he was a monster. He wore the killer's name tag and felt fear and terror at the thought of killing, but ultimately, he rationalized that it was all because he was a monster. Through this rationalization, Wonwoo's heart became an empty room, afraid to settle even a single speck of dust.






Back when they all worked in the same organization, Wonwoo was always Seungchul's partner. Every time, the ending was a brutal, slashing murder, just like the first. Naturally, Seungchul must have enjoyed watching Wonwoo do that. When Wonwoo returned home after work, Jeonghan and Mingyu would catch his eye. Mingyu would always worry, seeing Wonwoo's empty, dull eyes after a murder. That's how he naturally saw Jeonghan as Mingyu's partner.

I once subtly mentioned it to Mingyu while having a drink at home. Even though Wonwoo was in the same gang, he sometimes envied Jeonghan and Mingyu's approach. They had different jobs, but when faced with such situations, they never once pulled out a knife or a gun. Wonwoo poured himself a drink and, for once, spoke with a forlorn expression rather than a dry one.





"Sometimes I want to forget this feeling of longing."

"Jackknife? You said last time you were afraid you'd forget the grip."

"Well, sometimes. I've had days when I didn't have this."





Wonwoo's words had Mingyu feeling solemn. Wonwoo let out a short laugh, apologized, and poured himself a drink. It seemed Mingyu saw Wonwoo differently back then. No matter how much he trusted and followed his older brother, he couldn't help but be concerned about the rumors. Speaking of rumors about Wonwoo,"Bloodthirsty Monster", "Red Suit", "Jack the Ripper"There was a time when Mingyu and Wonwoo would meet eyes. Sometimes, it would give me goosebumps.

But when Mingyu heard the words, "I've had days when I didn't have this," perhaps that's when he saw hope in Wonwoo. Perhaps Jeon Wonwoo was just an ordinary person. Perhaps that jackknife had made him this way. From then on, Mingyu seemed to care for Wonwoo even more. He wanted to see his true self. He knew it wasn't easily revealed, but he made an effort to see it.








Despite his efforts, the days when he couldn't smile grew longer. For Wonwoo, who hung out with Seungcheol, even a smile was a luxury. Every time he tried to take care of Wonwoo, who was exhausted and sleep-deprived, Wonwoo, who was already sensitive, naturally became cold. Even when Mingyu became gloomy, Wonwoo couldn't even look at him, let alone care for him.

Still, he didn't give up on Wonwoo. Just as those who feel free desire freedom, Mingyu didn't give up on the Wonwoo he knew. He felt like if Seungcheol caught him, no one would find the real Wonwoo, the one who'd hid in that corner. And he felt there was meaning in showing me what might have been his most vulnerable side. Until he heard the answer, he believed it was his responsibility to remember and find that side, so he didn't give up on Wonwoo.









-








Wonwoo said to Jeonghan.

From then on, he said he'd been envious of Jeonghan and Mingyu. Of course, living a normal life was tough, but at least he didn't feel the need to kill himself like this. If only it weren't for this jackknife. If only he hadn't met the boss then. If only he'd turned himself in to the police, he wouldn't have lost himself like this. Now that he's finally realized it, he feels a little resentful of himself.

Jeonghan placed a hand on Wonwoo's shoulder. "It's not too late. Don't rush. Leave here and find true freedom. Go somewhere where people like us can never find you again and feel true liberation. The day you feel that will come."LiberationThat's how it would be. Jeonghan comforted Wonwoo.






"Liberation. Independence from the organization, is that it?"

"There will be many changes. Among them, you will have to clear up the past."

“There’s so much past to clear up, it won’t be easy.”

"There is more to live for in the future than there is to settle the past."






Wonwoo's expression brightened slightly as if his mind was at ease at Jeonghan's words. If only he could live.There is a longer future to live in than a past to settle.I can relate to that. If I still had the chance, I wanted to empathize. I wanted to celebrate my own liberation, atone for my past, and live an ordinary life.


With that in mind, Wonwoo stood up. He then extended a clenched fist to Jeonghan. Jeonghan clenched his fist again, and the two met. After that, nothing more was said. He felt the encouragement to get it back, the determination to do so, as their fists clashed. After that conversation, Jeonghan and Wonwoo never spoke again.











-










I'm checking the headcount, but that guy isn't there.Kwon Soon-young.Mingyu immediately reported to Jeonghan. He asked for permission to enter, as he felt he needed to protect Wonwoo. Jeonghan said that there would be no one there anyway, and told him to keep checking the number of people. As he was about to press Jeonghan, asking what he meant, Jeonghan's expression hardened for the first time in a while. In the end, Mingyu decided to ask his questions later when they were alone, and continued checking the number of people.




After a while.

Mingyu followed Jeonghan into his room. Mingyu demanded to know what had happened. He asked how Wonwoo and Kwon Soonyoung could disappear overnight. Jeonghan reassured him, explaining that the dates of their disappearances were different. Wonwoo had left first, and Soonyoung had disappeared today. But Mingyu's reaction was different from Jeonghan's.






"Why would that guy leave here in the first place?"

"They say spies don't board the same boat."

"That's right. I just got a call from you, so that kid must have gone back."

"That's it."






Mingyu couldn't understand what he was saying at all. Jeonghan told Mingyu to calm down and explained the situation again. Wonwoo had returned to Seungcheol. Seungcheol couldn't kill Wonwoo no matter how much he hated him. Seungcheol would have summoned Soonyoung once he achieved his goal, and that would be a great opportunity for us. Jeonghan said he planned to pretend to be their lover until the end and would use Soonyoung's presence as an excuse to get to Seungcheol's side.

Mingyu lamented why he hadn't brought this up sooner, asking why Wonwoo hadn't been seeing him lately and why he was planning something like this. Jeonghan apologized and said it would be difficult to gauge Wonwoo's condition if he waited too long, so they should prepare immediately. He'd already called the crew, so all he had to do was give them a proper performance and explain the plan.

It was a big deal after a long time. Mingyu stared at the jackknife in his hand. He steeled himself to keep the promise he made to Wonwoo and to himself. He believed that if he did well, Wonwoo, the man he so desperately wanted, would be restored to his original form. With hope, Mingyu began preparing.










I will remember and find that appearance that no one has recognized.

Jeon Won-woo.