They took me, a battered man, to the shower room, and thanks to them I was able to wash up.
“There... there is...”
While I was drying my hair with a towel, Yoon-ha spoke to me.
“We regret it now.. Back then, we didn’t know anything and it seemed like what Bae Suzy said was right..”
“...”
I didn't say anything.
“I know it’s hard for you to come back to our team now, but I’m really sorry..!!”
"Sorry!!"
Shin Yeon-hee and Kim Eun-joo simultaneously apologized to Yoon-ha's words. But that doesn't mean the ostracism and harassment they've done to me will go away. What good would an apology do after leaving such a deep scar?
"I'll pretend I didn't hear about what happened today, seniors. And thank you for what happened today."
I opened the shower door and went out.
***
Tears streamed down their faces. Why? Because they regretted what they had done? Or because they were their seniors? Or because the girl who had treated them so well, calling them "unnies" and "unnies" in their debut group, had matured so much. Perhaps only they knew why they were crying.
***
When I returned to the practice room, the members and Bae Suzy were smiling brightly. I opened the practice room door again and tried to go outside.
“Huh? Yeoju!”
But it was Bae Suzy who called me as if she was playing with me.
“What? Do you know each other?”
Jeon Jung-kook, who was sitting next to Bae Su-ji, said.
“In middle school... we were in the same class...”
It was Bae Suzy who suddenly set the mood.
“But… I have bad memories...”
“What does that mean?”
Jung Ho-seok asked Bae Suzy what she said. Then Bae Suzy glanced at me and the members' gaze turned to me.
“That’s true… When I was in middle school, the female protagonist bullied me..”
Bae Suzy openly told me what she had done, as if I had done it myself. So the other members believed her words, having joined as a trainee at the same time and training alongside her. The reason they knew we had joined as trainees at the same time was because PD Bang had told them.
“Wow.. you were a perpetrator of school violence?”
“Even the debut group was disbanded?”
“You’re more rotten than you look?”
“Debuting with a kid like that..”
“Aren’t you going to disband right away after debuting?”
“Does PD Bang have any thoughts or not;; and accepting someone like that as a trainee..”
“Suji, are you okay? You must have been really scared.. But seeing you trying to be friends with Yeoju, how kind of you are..?”
The seven members took turns giving me indelible scars, and Bae Suzy smiled at me from behind the members who surrounded her, trying not to be noticed.
“Don’t say that too much.. Poor girl.”
Bae Suzy pretended to surround me to emphasize that she was kind.
“Did you sell your body?”
“Could that be?”
“...”
In response to their words, all I could do was bow my head and clench my fists.
“Oh, right! I have another schedule, so I’ll go first!”
Bae Suzy, who had set the mood like this, shamelessly walked toward the practice room door. To be precise, she walked toward me, who was standing at the practice room door.
"How do you feel? How do you feel about losing the members who cared for you? This is the difference between you and me."
Bae Suzy spoke in a voice only I could hear. Then she leisurely opened the practice room door and went out into the hallway.
“....”
“....”
“.......”
The atmosphere in the practice room was so bleak it gave me goosebumps.
“Let’s practice.”
Mr. Jeong Ho-seok glared at me and said. Then the members started to follow his words.
.
.
.
Hours had passed since we started practicing, and it was already dinnertime. The members left the practice room one by one without saying a word. In the end, I was the only one left in the room.
“I’m not the one who’s going to hit you here! I’ve been working so hard!”
In a fit of rage, I screamed in the empty practice room. The sound bounced off the walls and echoed throughout the room. I ignored the sound and walked over to my laptop, grabbing the mouse to play a song.
"hi?"
Bae Suzy opened the practice room door and came in, not sure if the timing was good or bad.
“Didn’t you say everything you wanted to say?”
“That? You’re really funny~”
It was Bae Suzy who spoke with the corners of her lips lowered.
“Don’t you know very well that I’m not the kind of person to end things with words like that?”
He didn't say anything.
“I came here to hear an answer to what I said earlier.”
Bae Suzy sat on a chair in the practice room.
“I have nothing to say to you.”
It was true. I was just saying what was on my mind. I also didn't want to see Bae Suzy's face anymore, so I tried to leave the practice room. But as if to stop me, Bae Suzy jumped up from her chair, grabbed my hair, and knocked me backward.
“Who are you to ignore what I say? Do you think what I say doesn’t make sense?”
Bae Suzy was coming closer to me as I was lying down because of Bae Suzy, and her face and mine came closer.
“Would you like me to make a person half-crippled like that?”
The water tank fell off me.
[Ahhh... how...]
[killer]
[How can you...]
As I listened to Bae Suzy's words, a fleeting memory flashed through my mind. My head throbbed and ached. The memory of that day was painful. Bae Suzy, watching me, made a face of amusement.
"Okay! Now you've got the courage to answer? How do you feel about losing the members who cared for you?"
I got up from my seat, dusted my clothes off with my hands, and said.
"I'm sorry, but the members hate me. Just like the members who came in a few months before our debut and hated me."
Bae Suzy ran her hand through her hair, wondering if this was the reaction she wanted.
“Our heroine has grown a lot, hasn’t she? Where did she get this from!!”
'match-!!'
'thud-...'
In an instant, Bae Su-ji screamed and slapped me on the cheek, causing me to collapse.
“This is the difference between you and me.”
Bae Suzy opened the practice room door and went out, laughing like crazy.
“...”
For a while, the practice room was filled with the sounds of slaps, thumps, and Bae Suzy's unique laughter, and I gasped for breath at the sound.
.
.
.
After calming down a bit, I stood up and took my laptop, pen, and notebook from my bag. I walked to a corner of the practice room and sat down. I turned on my laptop, played the right beat I'd recorded in advance, and, moving to the rhythm, wrote down each word in my notebook.
"Who are you to laugh at me? The more you laugh, the higher I rise. You who only laugh will always stay in the same place. This is the difference between you and me..."
After pondering the next lyric for a while, I laid down on the floor with the beat playing. What on earth could I possibly be working on in this situation? I dropped the pen I was holding, as if to throw it away. As soon as I let go, it rolled away.
.
.
.
It seemed like about ten minutes had passed since I lay there so still. I picked up my notebook and read the lyrics I'd written.
“This is the difference between you and me..”
A snicker escaped me. I found myself laughing at myself for writing lyrics based on Bae Suzy's words. But thanks to that, I felt like I'd come up with some good lyrics. I stood up again and picked up my pen.
***
After practice, we headed to the restaurant. With Suzy, of course. The members were all chatting loudly.
"ah..."
As I was rummaging through my pockets, I realized I had left my wallet behind and sighed without realizing it.
“What’s wrong, Yoongi-hyung?”
Taehyung asked.
“I left my wallet.”
“Have a nice trip~”
It was quite a hassle for me. Jeongguk, who knew me well, waved his hand teasingly at me.
“Brother! Come with me!”
Suzy said.
“You stay here, I’ll go and come back by myself.”
I don't want to be harmed by Yeoju Lee while I'm not looking.
“I hate it, I hate it!”
Suzy grabbed my arm and shook her head from side to side. It should have been cute, but it was. But today, it wasn't cute. It was just annoying. I don't know why.
“Let’s go together, hyung.”
Namjoon said.
“That’s right! Isn’t it a bit strange to refuse someone who wants to go with you like that..?”
This time, Seokjin spoke, and when I reluctantly suggested they go, Suji smiled brightly and stood up. Looking back now, I realized she looked cute. Perhaps my eyes were wrong just a moment ago.
.
.
.
I opened the practice room door and went inside.
“Why is the light on?”
"I know?"
It was Suji who answered my question in a questioning tone, and I looked around. There, I saw Yeoju, crouched in a corner, scribbling away, wearing earphones. Yeoju, seemingly unaware of our presence, continued to scribble in her notebook.
“Why is he here?”
My expression darkened in an instant. It was only natural, since I didn't know what Yeoju would do to Suji. As soon as Yeoju picked up her pen and stretched, she sent Suji behind me.
“...!?”
Yeoju Lee and I met eyes. Yeoju Han flinched in surprise and dropped her pen.
“What are you doing here?”
“Yes...? That is...”
“Suji, stay out of here. I’ll grab my wallet and get out quickly.”
I ignored Lee Yeo-ju's words and spoke to Su-ji.
“You know... can I go out and talk to the female lead?”
Suzy spoke to me cautiously. I told her to hurry up and come out, saying I had no choice but to stay in front of the door, and she opened the practice room door and went outside.
.
.
.
“Gyaaaaah!!”
Within minutes, I heard Suzy screaming. I opened the practice room door and went in.
“What’s going on...”
What I see is...
“Hey.. heroine.. you worked hard to write this... t.. how can I.. it was my fault.. I’ll do it well so that it doesn’t bother you.. let’s not do this okay..? Should I tape this for you..?”
Suzy was crying while holding Yeoju's arm, and when she saw Yeoju, a tear fell from her eye.
Also, papers were torn and scattered on the floor.
“Hey, Yeoju. You’ve really come full circle.”
I don't know why a single tear fell from Yeoju's eye. But what mattered to me now was Suji, who was crying while holding Yeoju's arm.