Love and cough cannot be hid
: Love and cough cannot be hidden
"Oh! Are you okay?"
"...Huh? I'm fine!"
"Oh, thank goodness, I'm in a bit of a rush right now, so I'll go first! If there's any problem, come to class 3, grade 2!"
"Oh, yeah..!"
Yes, the first time I met you was in a quiet hallway on a cool spring day when the cold snap was at its peak. You ran towards me, didn't see me as I turned the corner, and we both fell down. You smiled and apologized to me, who was so timid and unsure of what to do, and reached out your hand first. You helped me up and continued running. Maybe it was from this moment? It may seem absurd and ridiculous, but I think I fell for you.
So I just watched from afar for a long time. Actually, I went to see you during lunch that day we fell over. I just wanted to see your face one more time. Seeing you laughing and talking with your friends from afar, I started to wish you'd smile back at me like that.
You spotted me loitering around the back door, then abruptly jumped up from your seat and walked straight towards me. I think you heard your friends teasing you behind you.
"You met him at lunchtime, didn't you? Where did you get hurt?"
"Ah... no! I just... thought you might worry."
"That's fortunate."
So you stood before me, and with a worried look in your eyes, you asked if I was hurt anywhere. Honestly, I think I was a little, no, a lot excited back then. Even now, when I think about it, the tips of my ears turn red. I was flustered and barely managed to blurt out that I came because I was worried you might be worried. But instead of feeling pitiful at the sight of me, you gently folded your eyes and said that you were relieved.
I still think your smiling face is so beautiful.
After that, I often went to your class, knowingly or unknowingly. Just to see your face one more time. Maybe it was because I wanted you to know a little more. Every time I went to your class, you were always talking with a friend. So, the back of your head was more familiar to me than your face, but it didn't matter. I just, really, just liked you, and I think it was because you made me smile.
As I continued to develop feelings for you, they grew to the point where I couldn't handle them. It's still ongoing. I wanted you to know a little bit about those feelings. I think that was the first time in my life that I believed in fate or destiny. To me, you were more desperate than getting straight A's on final exams. You were a brighter presence than a chicken restaurant I came across while dieting, or an oasis in the desert. Even now, you are that presence to me.
One day, you weren't at your desk. I went to your classroom during break time like I always did, but you weren't there. Your bag was definitely hanging there, but I couldn't find you anywhere. I looked around until break time was over, so I dragged my feet, forced myself back to my classroom, and sat down. My math teacher scolded me for coming home late, but I didn't even hear a thing. Because you weren't there. I wanted to fill the beginning and end of my day with you, but since it was all messed up from the start, I didn't have the strength.
Where the hell have you been?
"That's all for today's class. Have a good rest."
I greeted break time as if I had skipped math class without paying attention at all, and I quickly walked towards your class with hope.
When I arrived at your classroom, the place that should have been bustling as if class wasn't over yet was empty, and only my classmates, whom I was seeing for the first time, were hanging out the window and looking into the classroom with longing. I was also mesmerized by the crowd and looked into the classroom, the lights were off and they were watching a movie. You were in your seat, and a smile spread across my face without me realizing it. I didn't know I liked you this much. Since I didn't know either, I said nothing. I wondered if you knew how I felt, and if you found out. On the one hand, I was anxious, but I didn't feel that bad. I thought it would be okay even if you found out.
I don't know how long I stood there, tiptoeing, my mind racing. Just as my feet were starting to ache, the lights came on, and a swarm of children poured out the front and back doors. You were among them. I hadn't expected you to come out of the classroom, so I panicked and ended up facing you defenselessly.
"Is anyone looking for it?"
"...no"
"Then what are you doing here?"
"Just...what"
"...Then do you want to go for a walk with me?"
My heart pounded at the unexpected words, and I ruminated over them, wondering if I'd heard them correctly. My mind went blank. Of course, the words were so clear that I couldn't find a single negative answer. I stammered, barely able to put together the right consonants and vowels, and you, just like before, smiled and walked in step with me.
You and I left the school's orange building and strolled along the narrow path behind it. Perhaps because of the ridiculous rumors about snakes, the usual bustling crowds of children were nowhere to be found here. It was just the two of us, braving the hot summer sun and strolling through the trees, lush with bloom. I was constantly worried that you might hear my heartbeat, so I kept missing yours. Every time that happened, you smiled brighter than the summer sun and walked slowly in step with me.
"But there is something,"
"uh?"
"Where were you this morning?"
"...uh?"
If it were me, I would have gone to your class to see you. But you weren't there, so I couldn't see you. Why are you asking? Did you happen to come to my class to see me? It would be really nice if you could tell me so.
"I went to your room this morning. But I only had my bag and you weren't there."
"...Why did you go?"
"I was going to tell you this every time I saw you, but I forgot."
"...?"
Honestly, my heart feels like it's going to stop right now. No, is it beating too fast? No matter how much I take a deep breath and continue speaking, my voice is shaking so much that I can't speak for long. Because I always want to be perfect to you. You carefully handed me something, and when I carefully received it, it was none other than my name tag.
"Is this your name?"
"...uh"
"That's a pretty name. I think it fell when I fell before."
I don't usually go out much, so I don't have to worry about getting caught wearing a name tag, so I wasn't paying much attention. But looking at it like this, I feel like I've found something. But how did you get this? Did you go back and forth down that hallway again? If so, I'm ready to give it my all.
After a leisurely stroll, the path ended behind me, and the bell was about to ring. I lazily climbed the stairs, feeling regretful, while you, a perpetual smile on your face, kept pace with me, climbing up.
The sign for the fourth floor suddenly came into view. You and I shook our wrists, almost shaking, as if our arms were about to fall off. You smiled and turned back to me. "It's too bad." That's the perfect word for it. It's truly just too bad. I fiddled with the name tag in my pocket, imagining that child's summery smile once more.
Time passed and passed, and it was Pepero Day, the last carrot before the hardships of final exams? A day before, to be exact. I think we've become a bit closer since then. Was it just me who thought this? I hope not. Normally, I would have frowned, plugged in my earphones, and looked at my workbook, not caring about how much trash there is, but this time it's a lot different. I'm already at the convenience store, wondering what flavor you'll like, and even the simple phrase written on the side of the snack is a bit agonizing. Who are you, too, struggling to choose a snack like this?
As soon as I got to school, I took a Pepero stick out of my bag, quickly hid it in my coat, hung it carelessly, and headed straight to your class. I didn't know the road would be this nerve-wracking. I considered just leaving it on my desk and leaving, but I decided to send it to you under the guise of a snack, with a little of my heart, as a token of my sincerity. I hope you feel my heart.
After waiting for about ten minutes, you showed up. Seeing me, you took out the earphones you had been wearing, stuffed them into your pockets, and approached me. Your unique scent suddenly hit me, and my cheeks flushed red, but I tried to calm myself down and tell you.
You accepted it with wide eyes, looking around for something strange. I tried to calm myself down, but my face flushed red, and I ended up running away. Thinking about it now, I feel so frustrated.
So when lunchtime came, I wandered around the school like I always did, and arrived at the hallway where I first met you. I could faintly hear the sound of children playing soccer outside, and with each step I took, I thought of you and a smile came to my face. But then, in this quiet place, a thumping sound like someone was running could be heard, and the sound got closer and closer until I could hear it right in front of me. I closed my eyes tightly, feeling like I was going to crash, but when I opened my eyes to my own body that was fine, you were in front of me, breathing heavily.
"Hey, what if you just leave in the morning? Here, take this."
"Pepero?"
"Oh, I thought about it a lot yesterday and bought that for you. Did I do a good job?"
I felt a sudden thud, and my cheeks flushed again. I tried to lower my head, but you followed suit, bending down to look at my face. Finally, I tried to calm myself down, raised my head, and smiled, saying thank you. You smiled back. You said it was pretty when you smiled at me. I should smile more often from now on.
I was naturally melting into the brighter, more relaxed atmosphere, when you suddenly wringed your hands as if you'd made up your mind. I tried to make eye contact, but you avoided mine and instead looked away. What's going on? I looked at you with a worried look, suddenly overcome by anxiety. Then I heard you say,
"...i like you."
My head was spinning. You were flustered too, talking nonsense, then your cheeks flushed bright red and you said you liked me as if you had given up on making excuses. You were so cute. Of course, I felt relieved that my unrequited love was finally over, but my pounding heart tickled me like it was hurting, but I was okay. This feeling wasn't bad. After about a year, my unrequited love was over. I'm happy. I guess this is what you say.
Someone once said that love and a cough can't be hidden. I wholeheartedly agree. What about you?