*This work contains profanity and vulgar language in places, so please be advised when reading.
[!Please press the translate button in the upper right and switch to the original text to read it!]
I’m 27-year-old Bae Eun. I’m at the Han River right now and soon I’m going to die. To be exact, in 5 minutes.
Life is so shitty I can’t even feel like living. Everyone else is happy and comfortable, so why is it just me.
No, I mean, I’m saying this anyway since I’m going to die in 5 minutes,
the world really does seem insanely unfair. Fuck, some people are born into insanely rich families and live happily, and some people are born insanely poor and suffer their whole lives. Isn’t that a bit much, God?
Ah, why am I like this? Is it because I drank? I feel like I’m about to cry.
Ha... let’s just jump in a little bit... after looking at the Han River view a little longer.....
.......
But now that I’m actually about to jump, I’m fucking scared. I can’t work up the courage.
But honestly, I don’t have the courage to keep living in this world either lol
Still, I’d like my body to be recovered.
Beep, beep, beep-
(Rrrrrr...)
"Hello, this is the oo Police Station."
"....."
"I’m at the Han River right now, you know?"
"Yes, is there perhaps a drunk person causing trouble?"
"No, it’s not that."
"I’m going to die right now, so please retrieve my body."
The police officer who answered my call stayed silent for about 5 seconds.
"I was planning to jump right at 12 o’clock, but it’s already past that."
"I’m going to jump now."
I put one leg over the railing.
But then, a voice came through the receiver.
"Go ahead."
"You won’t regret it, right?"
I paused at the words—not a plea not to do it, but a flat, I don’t care whether you die or not.
"What did you say?"
"Before you die, let me ask you something."
"Why are you trying to die?"
"Because life fucking sucks."
"And?"
"Because being trampled from every side and living like an outsider seems worse than just dying."
"No, but why are you asking?"
"So later, if I die and it ends up on the news, you can use it in an interview?"
I heard the man snort.
The man let out a short, incredulous laugh.
"For someone who’s about to die, you sure answer well."
"Let me say just one thing."
"Your conclusion in your head right now seems certain, doesn’t it?"
"Wake up. Do you know that humans make the most inaccurate judgments when they’re at their lowest?"
"The more pressure you’re under and the more exhausted you are, the more your brain tends to erase complex possibilities and lean toward some stupidly simple conclusion. That’s not because you’re weak; humans are just like that."
"And think about whether what you really want to end is your life, or just the pain you’re in right now."
"Just because you had a day that was hard to get through doesn’t mean your whole life, or your entire future, has been judged."
I was thrown off by the unexpectedly sharp, cold answer.
"...."
"So what is it you want to say to me?"
"What’s your conclusion?"
"The conclusion, huh..."
He let out a long sigh.
And then he went on.
"At the very least, let’s put off deciding the conclusion of your entire life while you’re at your lowest. Today’s despair may not be evidence of forever."
"It’s not just today I’ve been in despair."
"You know, I’ve been in despair the whole 27 years of my life."
"This isn’t about being pathetic for one day and deciding to die."
"Then the story changes a little."
"You think that desperate, miserable life of yours will just keep going like that?"
"That’s why I’m trying to die."
"...I see."
"Even though happy days might come soon?"
I let out a snort of laughter at how absurd it was.
"Listen. I’ve never had a happy memory in my life."
"I’ve never once laughed with genuine joy, and I’ve never felt even one bit of whatever people call dopamine."
"So what am I supposed to do about it?"
"What if the day you’ll be laughing happily like that is tomorrow?"
"Are you really going to kick away the blessing right in front of you? Like an idiot?"
"....."
"So let’s live a little longer."
"I’m too lazy to deploy."
Every time, I’d only ever received emotional comfort from people; I’d never received practical advice. But somehow, more than the emotional comfort I’d thought was useless, this felt more comforting. Maybe that was why tears suddenly poured out.
"...haaa..."
"..huh.."
"What, are you crying?"
"Should I head out?"
I sat down there without saying a word, leaned against the railing, and kept crying.
Maybe about ten minutes had passed after the call ended when I saw a police car coming from far away.
I thought the part about responding was just a lie.
The police car stopped in front of me, and a tall man got out.
I figured he was the one who had been on the phone with me.
As he got closer and I could see his face, it was a face that felt strangely familiar.
Ah, I remembered immediately.
The delinquent bastard who ruined the teaching career I had dreamed of for so long..
I’m 27-year-old Bae Eun. I’m at the Han River right now and soon I’m going to die. To be exact, in 5 minutes.
Life is so shitty I can’t even feel like living. Everyone else is happy and comfortable, so why is it just me.
No, I mean, I’m saying this anyway since I’m going to die in 5 minutes,
the world really does seem insanely unfair. Fuck, some people are born into insanely rich families and live happily, and some people are born insanely poor and suffer their whole lives. Isn’t that a bit much, God?
Ah, why am I like this? Is it because I drank? I feel like I’m about to cry.
Ha... let’s just jump in a little bit... after looking at the Han River view a little longer.....
.......
But now that I’m actually about to jump, I’m fucking scared. I can’t work up the courage.
But honestly, I don’t have the courage to keep living in this world either lol
Still, I’d like my body to be recovered.
Beep, beep, beep-
(Rrrrrr...)
"Hello, this is the oo Police Station."
"....."
"I’m at the Han River right now, you know?"
"Yes, is there perhaps a drunk person causing trouble?"
"No, it’s not that."
"I’m going to die right now, so please retrieve my body."
The police officer who answered my call stayed silent for about 5 seconds.
"I was planning to jump right at 12 o’clock, but it’s already past that."
"I’m going to jump now."
I put one leg over the railing.
But then, a voice came through the receiver.
"Go ahead."
"You won’t regret it, right?"
I paused at the words—not a plea not to do it, but a flat, I don’t care whether you die or not.
"What did you say?"
"Before you die, let me ask you something."
"Why are you trying to die?"
"Because life fucking sucks."
"And?"
"Because being trampled from every side and living like an outsider seems worse than just dying."
"No, but why are you asking?"
"So later, if I die and it ends up on the news, you can use it in an interview?"
I heard the man snort.
The man let out a short, incredulous laugh.
"For someone who’s about to die, you sure answer well."
"Let me say just one thing."
"Your conclusion in your head right now seems certain, doesn’t it?"
"Wake up. Do you know that humans make the most inaccurate judgments when they’re at their lowest?"
"The more pressure you’re under and the more exhausted you are, the more your brain tends to erase complex possibilities and lean toward some stupidly simple conclusion. That’s not because you’re weak; humans are just like that."
"And think about whether what you really want to end is your life, or just the pain you’re in right now."
"Just because you had a day that was hard to get through doesn’t mean your whole life, or your entire future, has been judged."
I was thrown off by the unexpectedly sharp, cold answer.
"...."
"So what is it you want to say to me?"
"What’s your conclusion?"
"The conclusion, huh..."
He let out a long sigh.
And then he went on.
"At the very least, let’s put off deciding the conclusion of your entire life while you’re at your lowest. Today’s despair may not be evidence of forever."
"It’s not just today I’ve been in despair."
"You know, I’ve been in despair the whole 27 years of my life."
"This isn’t about being pathetic for one day and deciding to die."
"Then the story changes a little."
"You think that desperate, miserable life of yours will just keep going like that?"
"That’s why I’m trying to die."
"...I see."
"Even though happy days might come soon?"
I let out a snort of laughter at how absurd it was.
"Listen. I’ve never had a happy memory in my life."
"I’ve never once laughed with genuine joy, and I’ve never felt even one bit of whatever people call dopamine."
"So what am I supposed to do about it?"
"What if the day you’ll be laughing happily like that is tomorrow?"
"Are you really going to kick away the blessing right in front of you? Like an idiot?"
"....."
"So let’s live a little longer."
"I’m too lazy to deploy."
Every time, I’d only ever received emotional comfort from people; I’d never received practical advice. But somehow, more than the emotional comfort I’d thought was useless, this felt more comforting. Maybe that was why tears suddenly poured out.
"...haaa..."
"..huh.."
"What, are you crying?"
"Should I head out?"
I sat down there without saying a word, leaned against the railing, and kept crying.
Maybe about ten minutes had passed after the call ended when I saw a police car coming from far away.
I thought the part about responding was just a lie.
The police car stopped in front of me, and a tall man got out.
I figured he was the one who had been on the phone with me.
As he got closer and I could see his face, it was a face that felt strangely familiar.
Ah, I remembered immediately.
The delinquent bastard who ruined the teaching career I had dreamed of for so long..
![[Break]_[S2] Imperial School thumbnail](https://cdnetphoto.appphotocard.com/fanfic/2428234/213242/thumbnail_img_20210701183032.png)
