Five minutes before I die

01. Five minutes before I died.

*Please be advised that this work contains profanity and vulgar language throughout.



















I am Bae Eun, 27 years old. I am at the Han River right now, and soonI am going to die.To be exact, 5 minutes later.


Life sucks so much I have no joy in living. Everyone else is living happily and comfortably, so why only me.


No, I'm just saying this because I'm going to die in 5 minutes anyway,
Seriously, the world seems so damn unfair. Damn it, some people are born into super rich families and live happily, while others are born into super poor poverty and live a miserable life their whole lives. Isn't this a bit much, God?


Ah, what's wrong with me? Is it because I drank alcohol? I feel like I'm going to cry.


Ah... seriously, let's just wait a little longer and then jump.... Let's just look at the Han River view a bit more.....


.......


Now that I'm actually about to jump, I'm fucking scared. I don't have the courage.


But honestly, I don't have the courage to keep living in this world anymore lol


Still, I wish they would collect my body.











Beep beep beep-









(Rrrrrr...)


Yes, hello. This is the oo Police Station.


"....."
"I'm at the Han River right now, you know?"


"Yes, by any chance, are there any drunk people causing a disturbance?"


No, that's not it.
"I'm going to die right now, please retrieve my body."


The police officer who answered my call said nothing for about 5 seconds.


I originally planned to jump exactly at 12, but it's already passed.
I'm going to jump right now.


I put one leg on the railing.


But then, a voice was heard from the other end of the phone.




















Go ahead.
You won't regret it, right?


I paused for a moment at the remark that wasn't meant to stop me, but rather, "Whether you live or die, it's none of my business."


What did you say?


Let me bury something before I die.
"Why do you want to die?"


Because life sucks.


And?


"I think it would be better to just die than to be tossed around and live like a stranger."
No, but why are you asking?
"Are you planning to use me for an interview if I appear on the news after I die?"


The sound of the man's snort was heard.


The man laughed briefly as if dumbfounded.


"You're giving a good answer for someone who's about to die."

Let me say just one thing.
It seems like you are certain of the conclusion in your head right now, doesn't it?
"Wake up from your dream. Do you know that humans make the most inaccurate judgments when they are at their lowest point?"
"The more pressured and exhausted you are, the more likely the brain is to erase complex possibilities and lean toward such simplistic conclusions. It’s not because you are weak; it’s just how humans are."

And think about whether what you really want to end is your life or your current pain.
Just because you had a hard day to endure today doesn't mean your entire life and future are decided.


I was taken aback by the response, which was sharper and colder than I expected.



"...."
So, what do you want to tell me?
"What's the conclusion?"


"The conclusion..."


He let out a deep sigh.


And he continued speaking.


"At the very least, let's reserve judgment on the conclusion of your entire life while you are at your most broken. Because today's despair may not be proof of your whole life."


It’s not like today is the only time I’ve felt despair.
You know, I’ve been in despair for the entire 27 years of my life.
I'm not trying to kill myself like an idiot just because I had a desperate day.


Then the story would be slightly different.
You think your hopeless life will just keep going on and on, don't you?
That's why I'm trying to kill myself.


"...is it so."


"Even though happy days will come soon?"


I let out a chuckle at the absurdity.


Excuse me. I have no happy memories in my life.
"I have never once laughed in vain, and what dopamine do people talk about? I have never felt a shred of it."
But what do you want me to do?


"Tomorrow might be the day you laugh so happily and pointlessly like that?"
"Are you just going to kick away the good fortune right in front of your eyes? Like a fool?"


"....."


So, let's live just a little longer.
I don't want to go out.


I had always received only emotional comfort from people, never practical advice. However, somehow, it was more comforting than the emotional solace I had thought was of no help. Perhaps that is why tears suddenly welled up.









"...ha..."
"..flaw.."








What's wrong? Are you crying?
"Shall I go out?"


I slumped down on the spot without saying a word, leaned against the railing, and kept crying.


About ten minutes after the call ended, I saw a police car approaching from a distance.
I thought the talk about deploying was just a lie.


A police car stopped in front of me, and a tall man got out.


I guessed that person was the one who had spoken to me on the phone.


As he got closer to me, I could see his face, and it was a face that looked somewhat familiar.







































Ah, that just occurred to me.












He who ruined my long-held dream of a teaching careerYou thug bastard.