On Friday night, Geonho came to pick me up, just like he said he would.
When I went out through the front gate, a black car was parked at the end of the alley. When was he even planning to come? I was just standing there blankly in front of the door when the driver’s-side window rolled down. Soon after, Geonho rested his elbow on the window and called me over.
“Yo.”
I jumped and looked back and forth between Geonho and the car.
“You have a car too?”
“I’ve got one, so I came to pick you up.”
“When did you get your license?”
“The second I was old enough to get one.”
I went around to the front of the car and headed for the passenger seat, then buckled up as soon as I sat down. A faint, grassy diffuser scent brushed past the tip of my nose.
As soon as I closed the door, Geonho set off.
We didn’t say much until we got out of the alley. Really, it wasn’t that I had nothing to say—I was just surprised that Geonho had a car and was slowly looking around inside it. It didn’t look like he’d bought it all that long ago. Even so, there wasn’t much to look at.
The familiar neighborhood slowly slid backward outside the window. The signs that had looked ordinary in the daytime were all lit up in their own way now that it was night.
Geonho spoke first.
“You were there that day, right?”
I answered while still looking out the window.
“Ah... yeah. I stopped by the convenience store.”
“You came to see me?”
“I’m telling you, I just happened to see you while passing by.”
“Mm.”
It was a reply that backed off easier than I expected, so for no reason I looked over at him. Geonho was just staring ahead. I thought I could just barely see a smile at the corner of his mouth, but it was too dark to tell.
I looked back out the window.
The car was quiet. The radio wasn’t even on. Instead, all I could hear faintly was the engine and the occasional click of the turn signal. If you asked whether it was awkward, not exactly; if you asked whether it was comfortable, I couldn’t quite say yes either.
It was somewhere in between.
“Filming.”
I brought it up first.
Geonho gave me a very quick glance, then looked forward again.
“You saw the filming too?”
“Uh, well... by chance.”
“What did you think?”
I thought for a moment.
That alley from that day came back to me. Geonho standing there in his school uniform. The face that changed like he was a different person once the camera started rolling. The scene of him letting out a small breath in front of the closed door.
“It was amazing.”
“That’s it?”
“Yeah.”
Geonho went quiet for a moment.
“That’s disappointing.”
“What were you expecting?”
“Something like, you were good?”
I didn’t answer.
Geonho changed lanes without a word. Watching his side profile, I found myself smiling for some reason. Not cracking up or anything. It was funny how he acted so nonchalant, when what he wanted to hear was so obvious.
In the end, I said quietly,
“You were good.”
Geonho’s hand paused very slightly on the steering wheel.
Seeing that, I added more for no reason.
“I don’t know much about acting, so I can’t be exact.”
“It feels like I’m making you beg for praise, but I like it.”
After that, he didn’t ask anything else.
I looked at Geonho’s face reflected in the window. Every time the streetlights passed, his face briefly lit up before sinking back into darkness. The face that was always so clear on screen was now gradually blurring in the night road.
“Did you want to be an actor from the beginning?”
I asked.
Geonho didn’t answer right away. But the silence wasn’t long.
“No.”
He said it low.
“Then?”
“I got cast a few times before. You know that.”
“Oh, yeah. I think that happened.”
“After what happened at home, I thought about that. There wasn’t much I could do.”
“....”
“At first I just did it. I needed money, and I felt like I had to do something.”
He said it more calmly than I expected. So I didn’t react too strongly either. It would’ve been strange to look heartbroken now, and empty words of comfort didn’t seem right either.
I just asked,
“Now?”
Geonho said, looking ahead,
“Now I like it.”
“....”
“There are hard times too. If I can’t do well, I get annoyed; if I do well, I’m happy. I want to do even better next time.”
Hearing that, I gave a small nod.
That seemed like enough.
There had been a time when I’d wondered to myself whether it was because of the money. That wasn’t wrong, but it wasn’t the whole story either. Even if it started that way, it could change now. People are strange like that—something they grabbed onto because they had no choice can, at some point, become something they hold onto sincerely.
-
The car left the city and gradually headed down darker roads.
A low mountain shadow appeared outside the window. The shops by the road thinned out, and the streetlights grew farther apart. I lowered the window a little, then raised it right back up at the cold air coming in.
Geonho saw that and said,
“Cold?”
“A little?”
“It’ll be colder once we get up there.”
“You’re telling me that now?”
“There’s a coat in the car.”
“You’re pretty prepared.”
Geonho grinned, almost like he was proud of himself.
When I peeked my head toward the back seat, I saw clothes piled up there. Were they for filming, and for changing into? I didn’t bother asking.
Going a little farther up the mountain road, we came to a small parking lot. It was too small to call a lookout point, and a little too modest to call an observatory. But the sky was pretty wide from there. As soon as I got out of the car, a chilly wind brushed the nape of my neck.
I hunched my shoulders.
An Geonho took a thick outer coat from the back seat and handed it to me.
“Put it on.”
“Ah, thanks.”
While I was putting on the coat, An Geonho suddenly ran off somewhere. Then he went into a nearby convenience store.
Hey, I could’ve gone with you too. How cheap...! By the time I started after him, An Geonho was already quickly coming back out. He had two drinks in his hands.
Oh, he’d run off to buy those. Feeling a little embarrassed, I held out my hand to take the drink.
“You didn’t have to go this far.”
“I wanted one.”
“Seriously.”
The drink I was handed was hot cocoa. Even while facing the rather cold wind, being buried in the warm, roomy coat and holding a warm drink in my hand felt pretty comfortable.
“Hot chocolate, huh.”
“Yeah.”
“You even drink stuff like this? You’ve got a kid’s palate.”
“Sometimes.”
I wrapped both hands around the can. My fingertips slowly warmed up.
There were hardly any people at the lookout point. A car was parked in the distance, and someone beside it was quietly taking photos. We walked over toward the railing.
There were stars in the sky.
Not enough to pour down in a flood, but far more than I’d seen from the rooftop at our house. Maybe because the city lights were farther away below, the sky looked a little deeper.
Geonho rested his arms lightly on the railing and looked up at the sky.
I stood beside him.
For a while, neither of us said anything.
Back then, Geonho used to be the one to name the stars first. He’d point out which one was what, which part was where, and where we should be looking today, acting like he knew everything on his own. An Geonho quietly looking at the stars like this. It seemed he really had changed a lot while we were apart.
“I saw your work.”
I brought it up first. Soon after, Geonho’s gaze shot toward me. I was looking up at the stars as I spoke. My neck was stiff from talking, but I didn’t show it.
“You saw it?”
“Yeah.”
“What did you see?”
“The one you’re doing now.”
“Oh, school.”
At his sigh, I ran my fingers over the lid of the canned drink.
“The title was kind of... something.”
“I thought that at first too.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. But once I kept working on it, I got used to it.”
“Even that kind of thing becomes familiar?”
“Most things do.”
Geonho looked back up at the sky.
“What did you think?”
he asked.
I couldn’t answer right away. The truth was, I already knew what I wanted to say. But when it came time to actually say it, I felt a little embarrassed. It seemed like I was saying something too grand, or like I’d be someone who noticed too late. I took my eyes off the stars and looked at An Geonho’s side profile. It was a little embarrassing, but giving praise is what a good friend does.
“It was cool.”
Geonho’s eyes widened.
“What?”
“I said it was cool.”
“....”
“...Why are you looking at me like that?”
Geonho didn’t answer.
Holding the hot cocoa can with both hands, I went on.
“You like stars, and now you really became one. That’s what I thought.”
“....”
“You were shining all bright and sparkly.”
Geonho completely froze at that.
His reaction felt a little strange, so I blinked. Had I said something that weird? Was saying an actor was cool really that shocking?
“...Why?”
I asked because Geonho looked so startled without saying anything, but no answer came back. The wind passed by, and the can in my hand cooled little by little. Had I asked something weird? I felt a little awkward.
Geonho averted his gaze slightly, then opened his mouth.
“Do you even know what you’re saying right now?”
“Huh?”
“What you just said.”
“That you were cool?”
“Not that.”
“That you became a star?”
Geonho didn’t answer.
After thinking for a long time, I said,
“Sparkly?”
Geonho let out a very short breath. It sounded like laughter, but maybe not.
“Do you know you basically just confessed to me?”
“Why would that be a confession? I was just reviewing your work.”
“When you say it like that, it sounds a lot different to the person hearing it.”
“You’re an actor.”
Geonho looked at me for a moment, then said,
“...I mean, before I’m an actor, I’m....”
At that, I went quiet this time.
The hot cocoa can in my hand was still warm, but for some reason my fingertips had gone stiff. I couldn’t answer right away and instead looked back up at the sky.
“I’m not.”
“Not what?”
“Not a confession.”
“Mm.”
“I’m really not.”
“Okay.”
His voice didn’t believe me at all.
For no good reason, I took a sip from the can. It had already cooled a little, so only the sweetness was left.
“You’re taking it in such a weird way.”
“You said it in a weird way.”
“I say something nice and you act like this.”
“Because it was nice.”
I couldn’t answer. Maybe he was acting weird today. Was he drunk? No, if he was drunk, that would be drunk driving.... Silly thoughts kept spinning one after another.
My head got messy, so I looked back up at the sky. The stars were definitely up there, but for some reason the person standing beside me felt more distracting.
It was a little annoying. Coming here to look at the stars, only to have something other than the stars catch my eye.
“Cold?”
Geonho asked.
“A little.”
“Want to head down?”
I hesitated for a moment, then shook my head.
“Just a little longer.”
Geonho didn’t ask anything else.
He just stood beside me and looked up at the same sky.
