“A little longer.”
Keenho didn’t ask anything else after I said that.
He just stood next to me and looked up at the same sky.
The wind kept blowing. The cocoa in my hands cooled little by little, and the sleeve of the coat Keenho had given me almost covered the back of my hand.
The sound of the wind began to grow stronger and stronger. While listening to it brush past my ear, I suddenly remembered what Keenho had said earlier.
'Before being an actor, I…'
Words cut off there.
In the end, I spoke first.
“What you were saying earlier.”
“What?”
“What were you about to say before ‘an actor’? What is it?”
“…….”
Keenho didn’t answer right away.
I waited, wrapping both hands around the empty can that had gone cold inside.
“If you cut yourself off again, I’m really gonna get annoyed.”
Keenho gave a small laugh.
“I know.”
“If you know, tell me.”
Keenho set the can he’d been holding on the railing, then scratched his cheek in embarrassment. It was too dark to really see his expression. Soon, his low voice came to me.
“…I just wanted to be An Keunho to you.”
For a moment, I lost my words.
Keenho wasn’t looking at the sky; he was looking at me.
“Not the person you see on screen.”
“…….”
“Not the An Keunho that people know.”
He paused for a moment.
“Just the guy you knew.”
Something in my chest felt a little ticklish. As I blankly listened to him talk, I said without thinking,
“…You’re already just An Keunho.”
Keenho looked at me.
“Watching your work doesn’t suddenly make you a different person.”
“…….”
“I thought it was kind of amazing to see you on set, though.”
I stopped talking for a moment.
If I praised him too much, he might take it the wrong way again, and if I deliberately twisted my words, I hated that too.
“But still, it was you.”
Keenho didn’t say anything for a while.
The silence felt a little awkward, so I looked back up at the sky. The stars were definitely up there, but the gaze coming from my side kept bothering me more.
“Why are you looking at me like that again?”
“No.”
“That’s not a ‘no’ face.”
“I like that line too.”
Keenho laughed. I didn’t answer, exasperated.
The colder wind brushed my cheek. Hmm, was it time to head down now? I was just about to say we should go down when I heard Keenho’s low voice. My thoughts stopped at that sound, and I slowly turned to look at him.
“I.”
“…….”
“Like you.”
The words were short.
So they reached me a beat late.
I stared at Keenho dazedly. What kind of situation is this right now?
I didn’t even know what expression I was making. Keenho reached out and pulled the oversized coat around me tighter.
“This time, I wanted to say it.”
Keenho added.
I looked away and lowered my gaze to the cocoa can in my hands. It was already empty and cold. But my fingertips were strangely hot.
Thump-thump— the sound of my heartbeat climbed from my chest all the way to my ears. It was so loud I couldn’t hear the wind anymore. As if my heart already knew all the feelings I hadn’t even realized.
“You don’t have to answer right now.”
I lifted my head straight up and looked at Keenho.
“Says who?”
Keenho looked a little surprised by my answer.
I couldn’t keep talking right away. My mind wasn’t empty, exactly, but I couldn’t think of the right words either.
I like you.
I still couldn’t say the same thing back yet. But I also hated pretending it was nothing.
I hesitated, and only after a long while did I say,
“I still don’t really know.”
“Yeah.”
“But I think I can keep looking.”
Keenho looked at me quietly.
“At what?”
After saying it, I felt embarrassed for no reason and quickly turned my gaze back to the sky.
“Your work.”
“…….”
“The stars.”
“…….”
“And just you.”
Keenho didn’t say anything for a while.
Instead, he let out a small breath, like someone letting go of something they’d been holding in for a long time.
“That’s enough.”
He put the coat’s hood over my head. Blocking the wind made it much warmer. My face might have been turning red. I thought it was lucky it was dark. On dark days, you can see more stars. ...And you can’t show my emotionally confused expression or my flushed face, either.
“Let’s go in.” After putting the hood on me, Keenho was the first to head toward the car. I trotted after him.
As the streetlights near the parking lot grew closer, the darkness receded and the stars gradually faded.
-
On the way home, we didn’t talk much.
As we came down the mountain road, the city lights spread out in an instant. Even though it was the middle of the night, it was so bright.
Not long after, the car stopped in front of the gate. I unfastened my seat belt and was about to open the door, then stopped.
“Keenho.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m enjoying the drama.”
“…….”
“So, think of me watching it and work hard on your acting.”
“…….”
“Go in safely.”
An Keunho didn’t say anything. I didn’t have the confidence to look at him. Would I have been making a dazed face, or a surprised one? For me right now, this was the best... the best I could do.
I quickly got out of the car and ran to the gate.
Only by the time I opened the gate did I hear the car slowly fading away behind me.
For some reason, it felt less like I’d gone to see the stars and more like I’d gone and looked at An Keunho. Yeah, it was a night where, more than the stars... Keenho was the thing I remembered.
