♪BGM : Jules Brave - Nothing To Talk About♪
I felt a contradictory affection.
I, who felt pain from that affection, embraced that feeling.
I ran towards you.
So don't cry yet. For my sake. I slowly slapped away his hand, which was resting heavily on my shoulder. "In the end, it was me, you left because of me." I asked with difficulty, and all I got was a brief silence. Even in that brief silence, I hoped Yoongi would give me a positive answer. Like an idiot.
"huh."
"...Then why did you come back? Why didn't you just keep leaving?"
"I told you. I came because of you."
"...."
"How well do I know you, my lady?"
Yoongi.
A name that is now too difficult to even say.
So what should I do?
I asked the owner of that name what I could do.
I once, or perhaps still, asked someone I loved how I could fall. Before I was even ready to fall, I asked where the cliff was.
Rather than be abandoned by you, I'd rather break down on my own. You don't have to struggle. I'll do it all by myself. Okay?
"You're a heroine, really. What should I say?"
"...."
"That's selfish."
"... what?"
"If you collapse alone, what will happen to the plans I've built so far?"
"...Then you."
"...."
Can you leave like that and still be selfish?
Tighten it.
The tears suddenly stopped. It was a voice tone I'd never heard before. Not low, not high, but not my usual tone either. This is so selfish. And that's why I'm doing this.
Because it's you.
you.
Tighten it because it's you.
His voice rang in my ears. It tormented me, buzzing. With that one response, he tormented me, saying everything was my fault. No. No. No. I scratched my neck. A habit that would involuntarily spring up when I felt extreme anxiety. And you unconsciously swatted away the hands you had previously held back, wrapping them around my shoulders. A familiar scent, a tone of voice.
"I'm hurt, heroine."
"... stop."
"Should I buy you some ointment?"
"Please, Yoongi."
"Look at this. You're still stuck in the past."
"please!!!"
Go!!! Please, go!!! I pushed Yoongi away. I cried, unable to meet his eyes as he pushed me away helplessly. Yes, I am tied to the past. Because of that one word, "I love you." Because of that one selfish word. Because of the words we usually shared. Because of the words that made me feel light when I was with you.
I've been trying to kill him for years.
[ love you. ]
Whether it was a word that had been transformed into something heavy and scary, or perhaps that was its original meaning, the word became shackles and bound me to the prison of the past, to the solitary cell of memories.
however,
Now I'm in so much pain.
That thought took over me, and I developed a weak confidence that I could hold on like this even if you left me.
You said you were going to abandon me.
If you're going to throw it away, then throw it away.
I held out a knife to you for the first time.
"I, too, will do my best to forget you now."
"...."
"I'll try to forget the past."
Let's work hard together, Yoongi.
Who abandons and who is abandoned.
Before I could even read Yoongi's expression, before I finally met his face, the moment I finished speaking, my mind snapped. His shadow vanished, and I slumped down, as if someone had hit the back of my knee. Then I patted myself. "Good job. Good job. Good job. Tighten it."
It's long.
It's long....
...is great.
My eyes opened. At the same time, I felt nauseous. Perhaps it was from throwing up so much yesterday, but somewhere inside me, I felt empty. The events of last night came back vividly. Yoongi returned silently, and at the same time, he declared war. He'd abandon me. When I said that, I'd abandon him, too.
ah.
I said I would leave you.
I got up, my body groggy, and walked into the living room. The first thing I did was erase Min Yoongi. I ripped down the picture frames that had always greeted me from the wall. I threw the album I'd looked at whenever I missed him so desperately into the trash.
Even as I was cleaning up, your voice tormented me, constantly scratching at my heart.
"My lady."
Breaking off the bracelets with each other's initials engraved on them.
"love you."
Delete the photos and videos saved on the drive.
"I missed you."
"... uh."
A single word flashed through my mind, and only then did the living room scene come into view. I slowly, slowly looked around, one by one. Then, frustrated, I cried.
My space where Min Yoongi was erased.
"...."
Because there is nothing left.
Min Yoongi.
I think it makes me realize that you were my everything.
I am Min Yoongi.
Because it seems to tell me that I can never escape.
I hurriedly gathered my thoughts and arrived at the lecture hall for my afternoon lecture. As I opened the door and entered, Min Yoongi was there, as expected. He was looking my way, smiling brightly. Thanks to him, everyone, regardless of whether they were juniors, peers, or seniors, focused their attention on me.
"Are you here?"
"... uh."
"Did you sleep well yesterday? You seemed quite drunk."
Suddenly, the vast space began to chatter. Amidst the noise, Min Yoongi kept his gaze fixed on me, persistently pressing for an answer. I believed he would answer confidently, but upon meeting his face, my efforts felt like they were being transformed into pointless pride. Even opening my mouth felt like a chore, and I wanted to run away at any moment.
"Are you still upset?"
"...."
"but,"
You always drink honey water before drinking, right?
You didn't drink it because I wasn't there, right?
The final blow struck. The noise in the classroom was no longer noise. Everyone was openly chatting about me and Min Yoongi. My breathing became rapid and my mind became confused. At that moment, my vision began to spin, and a familiar, cold scent hit my nose. The owner of that scent grabbed my shoulder, helping me stay steady while simultaneously pulling me toward him, diverting my attention to his scent.
"Senior, you went in with me yesterday."
"...."
"I also brought you honey water."
"... ah."
"Right, senior?"
As my body sensed that the owner of that voice, that familiar, cold scent, was Taehyung, I felt my heartbeat return to steady. "Senior, let's go out together for a bit," he said quietly, making sure no one could hear. I nodded faintly and turned my back.
I couldn't remember Min Yoongi's face during that brief moment, but I clearly remembered his smiling face.
What did you say?
"...Fuck."
It's not my concern.
He spoke of contradictory affection.
You, who felt pain from that affection, embrace that feeling.
He ran towards me.