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Abandoned Planet
Receiving recognition from someone wasn't difficult. So, I must have been your planet, too. I've never been happier than when I finally became part of your orbit, blending in. And so, I was embraced by everyone's cheers. But after a long time, and contrary to my expectations, those times beside you were suddenly abandoned by them and you, as if they had never happened. Seeing you silently amidst those who clamored for me to belong in your orbit, my whole body froze, unable to breathe. But even so, if you don't satisfy me, I'll gladly leave your orbit.
My sun, my star.
It was a troubling situation, a planet without a name. I only received you, but when I think about it, you always shone. I thought you'd be by my side, but that too was probably my delusion, an illusion. I believed you'd love me, just as I loved other planets. Belonging to you, I couldn't go anywhere after that. I could only orbit you, lingering around you. As if I were going to die, unaware that you'd already forgotten me. As if I were going to die like that.
"What are you thinking?"
"Oh, it's nothing. I was just looking at the stars because they were pretty."
"How was your trip this time? Was I too emotionless for the last one?"
"No, it was okay."
"Thank goodness. Can you believe it? We're all done now."
Looking into your eyes, I quickly turned my gaze to the sky. If I had imagined the outcome and planned to commit this act, I wouldn't have approached you in the first place. A breakup trip was a despicable way for most couples to break up, when they're tired of each other and have no good excuses. Whenever my acquaintances told me they were going on a breakup trip, I couldn't understand it. Why on earth would they go on a trip with someone they didn't even care about? I swore I'd never do it again.
"You've lost interest anyway. Do you want to go on a trip for the last time?"
But last weekend, you couldn't even think of refuting my self-assured love, and you simply said, "Okay." Seeing you say that, I guess it means you've probably grown cold. Gazing into your deep eyes was my hobby, and seeing you happy was my love. If I couldn't make that happen, I thought it was only right to leave. Even if I wasn't happy, you wouldn't care at all, you'd just be missing from our daily lives.
"Smile."
" why. "
"You were right next to me, right?"
"To be exact, you were next to me."
I wanted to treat you as casually as you, but no matter how much I thought about it, I couldn't abandon you. I was in your orbit. I hovered by your side. Even when I saw you turn around, dragging your suitcase, I couldn't turn my back on you. Seriously, I never imagined you would abandon me. I can't even tell if you've strayed from me, or I have strayed from you.
"Do you really have to abandon me?"
"Why are you like this, like someone who is still attached to the end?"
"You erased me first."
I didn't want to become this sloppy. I pressed my sleeve against my eyes, shamelessly streaming tears. I really hate you, who seems so indifferent. You just stand there, watching me cry like this. You seem so different from a few years ago, like you've already forgotten me. I can't help but hate you.
"You shouldn't have stayed by my side in the first place. Then you wouldn't have been abandoned."
" what? "
"It's your fault. That's what everyone says."
Yes. My very presence by your side was probably my sin. My very presence may have tarnished your reputation. I was the only one wandering around you. As if you had mistakenly thought I was wandering around you. Your expression remained unchanged, as if our goodbye had been meaningless. Seeing you speak so harshly and yet not even look me in the eye still stings my eyes.
"Not other people. Do you think so too?"
" ... "
"Do you think it's my fault too?"
"Maybe you were never by my side from the beginning."
" ... okay? "
"Yes. You will understand this someday."
Only then did you meet my gaze. Deep, cosmic eyes and a fragrant scent disproportionate to yours made my whole body melt. "It's my fault. If that's what you think, then so am I." I nodded quietly and held you tightly. In the past, you would have thrashed and whined, begging to be let go, but now you simply placed your arm around my back and stroked it gently. I think this is the end, for us.
"Now go the way you were meant to go."
"Where should I go?"
"That orbit that escapes me."
My orbit, escaping you... I couldn't stall any longer. I nodded twice in understanding and turned away first. I stood motionless for a long time, unable to move, before slowly taking a step forward. As I repeated this more and more, I was able to walk without any trouble. Now, my orbit, devoid of meaning, of you, of anything, was utterly unbalanced.
I looked back, just in case, and you were already gone. Honestly, if I could ask, I would. Why did you kick me out? Why did you ask me to come on a trip? If we had just broken up via text, I wouldn't have so many regrets. You continued to eat away at me with the self-reproach and disappointment that kept creeping in.
But, you see, I'm actually quite content with that. For a foolish star that belonged to the sun's world, that's enough. So, if I ever pass by you, say hello. No matter what expression you make, I'll make the prettiest expression in the world.
I just want you to shine as brightly as you did when I first saw you.
Take care. My sunshine, my smile.
Re-upload of the work by Misamo X Pyo Gong Bang