The cherry blossoms are in bloom. The trees are covered in blossoms, and the world is becoming more beautiful, yet we remain stagnant. The world, society, seems to care about us, but ultimately, it turns into indifference. The same goes for worries. Even if it's hard at first, as if you're going to die, time passes and you go on with your life as if nothing happened. Sometimes, you expect it to be at least a little harder, but it ends sooner than expected, leaving you bewildered. Humans are ignorant and naive, unable to think deeply about a problem. If you see it as a strength, it's a strength. If you see it as a weakness, it's a weakness. But in these moments, it's often a weakness.
"With these grades, that school seems like it might be a bit difficult to get into..."
This is the moment when your dreams are crushed in an instant.
***
"So what did your homeroom teacher say?"
"I can't go to that school."
I thought everyone had dreams. Contrary to my childhood, when I'd thought I'd live a life of joy, doing what I wanted, I'd even find myself criticizing the harshness of society. Having passed through those youthful days when dreams shifted daily, and now that I was pursuing a single goal, advice from homeroom teachers offered no help at all. "I know I can't go to that school. But what can I do? I want to go," my friend muttered. The most common misconception about people who major in arts and physical education is that "because it's arts and physical education, you don't have to study," but that's completely wrong. Ball games are math, and art is science. How could you not study? Ultimately, students preparing for arts and physical education had to become super Saiyans, possessing both arts and physical education skills and knowledge.
"Honestly, I'm confident in my practical skills, but no, I'm not. I'm not really sure."
"I guess we've changed."
"what?"
"Everything is like that. He's gotten so small, and he's become someone who can hold an ice cream cone with one hand."
The swing, which had been gently swinging, slowly came to a stop. What does that mean? My friend stared at me with blank eyes. Back then, at least your eyes still had some color left in them, but now, how should I put it, they were so dull. As if they had been immersed in a black-and-white society where diversity didn't exist. The sunken eyes began to sink quickly. My friend, with his eyes closed, rolled his feet again on the swing. "Well, what's the big deal? At least it's better than me standing out with all the colors, right?" I became afraid of the guy who spoke without emotion. He had so many regrets, but he seemed to lack the strength to deal with them all.
"You're not thinking strangely, are you?"
"What am I."
"I can't do without you."
"I can't do without you either."
Slowly, my eyes opened and met his gaze. The ice cream of unknown color in my hand was melting. Even the ice cream was losing its color. Your eyes lacked any passion for life, so what answer could I give here to color you? We, once blank sheets of paper, had been dyed with unknown colors. There was no will. Everyone else had drawn strokes on our canvases, and before I knew it, my painting had become a mess. At least, I thought you were better than me. You were an artist, I was an academic. But that was a mistake from the start. You had thought the same as everyone around you. So, you began to paint in different colors on your own. You were sketching, repainting, and rewriting on top of an already damaged picture. Even if you tried, a damaged picture was already a damaged picture. You showed no signs of improving.
"Do you want to run away?"
"Suddenly? I have an internship today."
"Hey, who cares about running away and practicing? If you're going to go, go all at once."
At first, it was a thought I'd thrown out unconsciously, but thinking back, I wondered how desperate I must have been to unconsciously suggest running away. So I kicked off the swing and stood up. I have an academy in 30 minutes. Should I really run away? I agonized over it, but the answer was always the same. I looked at my friend, who was looking at me questioningly. It's still colorless. So, how about we go add some color? Back to that pretty color, that dazzling moment.
"prong?"
"···"
"let's go."
"··· okay."
***
I ran to the nearest bus stop and got off at the nearest train station. Cherry blossoms were in full bloom in front of the station, too. They seem to bloom and turn brilliantly colored, but when the spring rain falls, only the leaves remain green. It's the fleetingness of the most beautiful moments, fleeting in the briefest of breaths. Perhaps it's precisely because they're so fleeting and vibrant that they become such unforgettable memories. That's why those people were snapping photos with such bright smiles. My friend still had a blank expression on his face as I bought my train ticket. He must have been worried, as he kept fiddling with his phone and checking his watch. It was a pity.
"Turn off your phone."
"Turn it off?"
"If you leave it on, he'll keep feeling anxious. He'll probably call soon. So turn it off. Or leave a text message."
My friend, who seemed to hesitate for a moment, then seemed determined, sent a short text and disconnected from reality. His face was etched with worry. However, he looked more relieved than before. It wasn't a pre-planned getaway, but since we were already here, we decided to go see the cherry blossoms we hadn't seen before. We'd get off at a stop with both a view of the cherry blossoms and the ocean—that was the plan for this getaway. With time left before our train, we stopped by a train station cafe and bought a drink. What should I drink? The only drink I'd ever had at cafes was coffee, which I'd been drinking to wake myself up, so I had no idea what to have.
"What kind of fruit do you like?"
"Me? Me, strawberry. So I'm going to drink a strawberry smoothie."
"Good."
"What are you going to eat?"
"I'm just like you. Your choices are always right."
My choices are always right? My friend laughed in disbelief as I stared at him, his face ablaze with disbelief. Why would I have skipped school just because I was crazy? Because it was your choice, because you were always right. I still remember you giving me the candy I hated so much, even though I only ate chocolate every day. My friend rustled and pulled a candy wrapper out of his uniform pocket. "I've already eaten two today. This is going to rot me." My friend finished ordering with a bright smile, his face showing no regrets about his botched schedule. Only then did my worries subside. Thank goodness he liked it.
“Don’t you think the cherry blossoms are in full bloom here the most?”
"Then should I get off here?"
It was a place I'd never seen before. It was my first time here, and it was so crowded that if I stood still, I felt like my existence would vanish like dust. There were so many people, right? I thought it was just you and me, but I guess I wasn't. A few school uniforms stood out like flies among the colorful adults. Could they be people who, like us, had run away from society, exhausted by it? I waited until the crowds had all cleared and was the last to exit the station. I checked my wallet, watching the taxis line up. All told, 40,000 won. After subtracting the cost of the train ticket, that wasn't much. I couldn't even take a taxi. But taking the daily bus wouldn't feel like I was running away, so I decided to just walk around the station. Cherry blossoms fell like rain.
"I think I understand why people go here and there to see the cherry blossoms. They're really... really pretty."
"How old are you since this happened?"
"I don't even remember. The only cherry blossoms I've seen recently are the ones I drew in my textbook a few days ago during class."
"It's definitely prettier in person, right?"
"That's definitely true."
The cherry blossoms, they say, are a midterm exam. The joking tone filled me with regret. "Should I have tried a little harder?" My friend let out a short sigh and turned to look at the sea. But, you know, what color is the sea originally? When I was young, I'm sure I just painted it blue, but I don't understand why they're giving such a simple sea so many colors these days. Do we really need to go that far? It's okay to be a little simple in this kind of thing. My friend blinked slowly. The cool sea breeze blew, and even I began to question myself. The sea in my memories was clearly a small sea I could hold in my hand, but now it's so big I don't even have the courage to approach it. Has the sea manipulated my memories, or have I been underestimating it? That's how my sea has changed.
"Want to come closer?"
"It'll be uncomfortable to go if your clothes get wet. Let's just meet here."
Honestly, I don't even know what color the ocean is. I guess we've all changed. After gazing back and forth between the cherry blossoms and the ocean for a while, I started to feel hungry. I even had ice cream and a drink, so I wondered why I was still hungry. I picked up my phone, but it was already off, so I couldn't see the time. But I didn't want to turn it on. I was afraid of realizing the piled up alarms and the tasks I had to deal with tomorrow. Feeling like I was seeing all the cherry blossoms I hadn't seen before, I wandered around the train station for a few hours, and before I knew it, the sky had darkened. Our escape was drawing to a close.
"Should I eat? I'm running low on money. I need to buy a ticket home too."
"I'll just buy something simple from the convenience store."
In the end, it was a convenience store again. Even after running away, we were still eating at a convenience store. Feeling unnecessarily miserable, I chose the most expensive triangle kimbap. This was the only way to console ourselves. They weren't the same. Yesterday and today were clearly different. Even if we lived the same day, today was different. I sat on a bench by the beach and ate my triangle kimbap. The sky had now turned so dark that, without the streetlights, we wouldn't have been able to recognize each other, even sitting next to each other.
"What color do you like best?"
"Me? I'm black. It's the most monotonous and comfortable. You?"
"I don't know the names of colors, but I really like the color of the sky at dawn. It's a blueish-blue sky with a hint of red. Do you know what it is?"
We'll take the train today, looking at that sky? My friend, who had been stomping his feet in excitement all night, was briefly excited, then quickly calmed down. As night fell, I was even more worried about tomorrow. How could I handle this? It wasn't Friday, nor the weekend, but Thursday. Even if I ran away, there were still many problems to deal with, a day not optimal for running away. I have school tomorrow, but I ran away without a plan. We really have no plan, right? My empty smile quickly turned into a sob. This time, I think you're wrong.
"You did run away sometimes, but... I, I've never been involved in anything like this."
"Still, weren't you happy today?"
"I was happy, but I'm not happy now. I don't have the confidence to go back."
"If you run away, you'll come back. How can you just run away, right?"
I thought it felt so familiar as I wandered around here today, but we've been here before. We came here on vacation when we were seven, all together, family. My friend looked around, as if only remembering now. We came by train back then, too, and we even built sandcastles on this beach, right? Whenever I bring up old stories, I feel it: the expressions on people's faces as they reminisce about the past are all ecstatic. It's as if they're honoring a day that will never return, but it's a foolish human habit to love even those memories of the past. And within that ecstasy, there's always a poignant sadness. Perhaps that's why the past tangles our minds so much, yet gives us the courage to tell the truth. And even the strength to accept that truth and utter it.
"Actually, it was a bit difficult. I lived to draw, but everyone was competing to block my future."
"···"
"Everyone says that there are moments in life when you feel like your life is ruined. I feel like I have too many of those moments. It's really... life is so hard."
I was smiling, at least with my mouth. Knowing your heart better than anyone else, I couldn't say much. I also knew that worrying wouldn't comfort you. I also know well what kind of heart you've held on to until now. Our flight is coming to an end, and tomorrow, you might regret today. Sometimes, misfortune swallows happiness so easily. But the small hope that survives between them, and this very moment, today's present and tomorrow's past, sometimes allows misfortune to pass.
"Of course, it might be scary now because it's like a dark, foggy sky where you can't see anything in front of you."
"···"
"But the sky is originally blue. When there are clouds, you might think the sky is gray, but in the end, the sky is blue."
"···"
"Even if someone puts clouds in your sky, or you create them, they will flow as they should."
"huh."
"Was it too disorganized... Anyway, you're doing great, so don't worry. No matter what anyone says, just let it flow like clouds. You're blue."
Your eyes, which had been gazing at the sea, gradually turned towards me as I continued my sentence. They were starkly different from the ones you'd given me earlier, when you'd suggested we run away. They were like a night sky filled with stars. Perhaps it was the sparkling gaze, but I trailed off, feeling a bit embarrassed. But my words seemed to have given my friend considerable strength. Clutching the remaining bag of triangle kimbap, my friend spoke first amidst the silence, where only the sound of the waves could be heard.
"You are right after all."
"what?"
"You're always right. Now I know what to do."
"What are you talking about?"
What on earth did I do right? I looked at you with a bewildered expression, but you abruptly jumped up from the bench, saying it was nothing. What are you talking about? I yelled at the back of my friend's head as he walked away, but there was no answer. I desperately chased after you, hoping you'd disappear, but the first thing you did was throw a bag of triangle kimbap in the general trash. The clock at the train station was ticking towards three. I took the train ticket I'd bought when I bought the triangle kimbap out of my pocket. There wasn't much time left. I sat in the same position as when I first started running, waiting for the train. However, the expression on your face was noticeably different now.
"Was it good?"
"Of course. Sometimes I think I'll run away like this alone."
"You can come with me. Why come alone?"
After boarding the train, I slept soundly. Since the final stop was where we were getting off, I slept comfortably without any burden, and by the time we got off, it was 6 a.m. Perfect. I could just go to school like this. My friend, still awake from wandering around too much yesterday, stumbled down the stairs. "Hey, be careful." I barely managed to grab your arm and link it with you, and only then did you start walking properly. We left the train station and stopped abruptly, returning to the present. This is why I don't want to run away. If I do, I won't want to come back here. It's disappointing that this is the place I see when I open my eyes.
"Here it is again."
"Yeah, here we go again."
As I stared blankly into space, feeling empty, notifications began pouring in from my phone. It felt like less than a minute since I'd turned it on, but it was already overflowing with text messages and missed calls. A sigh escaped me, but a strange thrill struck me, so I deleted all the notifications without even looking at them. We'd all be facing them today anyway, so what? A gentle breeze, not a sea breeze, but one that felt like spring, enveloped us. Even the cherry blossoms in front of the train station were still fluttering in the wind. In this place that seemed no different from yesterday, we stood there, completely transformed, like poles.
It was a trip we embarked on impulsively, thirsting for consistency and boredom in society, but at least we were no longer colorless. The dark strokes of the night sky and the twinkling stars, the transparent pink of cherry blossoms, the various blues of the sea, and the colors of the sky. It was a resilient sky, no longer concerned with individual clouds. At least that's what the sky I saw was like. It was beautiful.
I wanted to write something comforting, but it came out too haphazardly...
I hope you all have a great day!
May your sky shine brighter than anyone else's!⭐️