The bell rang, and not long after the homeroom teacher’s closing remarks ended, the classroom quickly grew noisy. I shoved the notebook and pencil case I had spread out on my desk into my bag, then checked my phone. 4:40. Is he waiting at the front gate again today, too?
It had been four days since Hamin transferred in. It was Thursday. Hamin always seemed to finish class fast, because he was always standing in front of the school gate. At first I was shocked by the fact that he was waiting for me, but every time I found some excuse or another, I somehow couldn’t shake him off, and it had already been three days since we started going home together. On Monday, he waited because I’d gotten out late. On Tuesday, he said his phone battery was dead. Yesterday, he apparently couldn’t think of another excuse, so he just asked if we could go together.
Haa, I sighed and stood up from my seat. But if there’s someone waiting, I can’t be late.
With a rattle, I pushed my chair back and stood up, when I felt a presence in front of me. It was Yejun.
“Want to go together today?”
“Home?”
“Then where else would we go together.”
“Suddenly?”
Yejun laughed and added,
“I haven’t seen you on the way home lately.”
It was because I’d been going home with Hamin all week.
What should I do? I need to refuse. He’d be waiting. Unlike me, who was agonizing over it, Yejun headed toward the back door of the classroom as if refusal wasn’t even an option. Hey, I haven’t answered yet!
Panicking, I followed him out, and Yejun grinned as if he’d expected it. I was reminded of how, two years ago, I’d attached some weird meaning to that smile too. It was really the kind of face that could charm people. As I answered him while he casually brought up another topic, the school gate was already coming into view.
Ah, what do I do. A huge black silhouette was already visible.
Hamin was leaning in the shade under the wall, looking at his phone. With his bag slung over just one shoulder and his long legs stretched out lazily, he stood out immediately even from far away.
Whether he’d sensed me in the flood of people going in and out of the gate, or whether it was just a coincidence, Hamin lifted his head and spotted me. Then his gaze shifted to Yejun beside me.
Act like you don’t know. Act like you don’t know. Just for today, please! Be discreet, Yu Hamin!
I kept repeating it to myself as I walked toward the gate.
Hamin put his phone in his pocket and pushed off the wall. He walked straight toward us.
“Hamin.”
The first to speak was Yejun.
“You’re heading home now too?”
“Yeah.”
Hamin answered briefly and naturally took his place next to me. W-what is this…. And what about you, Yejun, don’t you feel anything? My mind was a mess. In the end, the three of us started walking side by side.
On the way, Yejun kept throwing out topics so there wouldn’t be any awkward silence. Mostly it was just me and Yejun talking.
“That newly opened tteokbokki place was spicy.”
“You’ve never been good with spicy food anyway.”
“I could handle it better than Yeoju, with anything, really.”
“Seriously.”
Yejun laughed, and I laughed along. Ah, was I talking about things only the two of us knew? I felt self-conscious about Hamin walking beside us without saying a word.
He wasn’t usually talkative, but today he was especially quiet. That said, he didn’t go on ahead alone; he walked at the same pace as us.
“Let’s go together next time.”
Yejun said.
“Where to?”
“A snack bar. You like tteokbokki, don’t you?”
“You’re treating?”
“I can at least buy that much.”
Yejun smiled, looking off into the distance. At that smile, at that answer that it was nothing special, something in my chest gave a little rattle.
It wasn’t a big deal. I absentmindedly smoothed down a wrinkle in my school skirt.
That was when Hamin, who’d been silent until then, opened his mouth.
“Do you usually go home together?”
I turned to look at Hamin.
Hamin wasn’t looking at me. His gaze was fixed on Yejun right next to him. Yejun answered without any particular suspicion.
“No. But today I asked to go with you.”
“Hmm.”
Hamin made a small sound and looked forward again.
That ended the conversation. It almost felt chilly, in a way.
When we reached the main road, Yejun stopped walking. To get to my house, we had to cross the street, but Yejun’s place was to the left from here.
“I’m this way.”
“Yeah. See you tomorrow.”
As I waved him off, Yejun looked at Hamin, who was standing behind me. He was smiling with only the corners of his mouth up, but for some reason he looked cold.
“But where do you live?”
Hamin opened his mouth.
“I—”
“Ah, he lives in the apartment over there!”
I pointed across the street before he could finish. My voice came out louder than I expected.
“He said he moved there, haha.”
Yejun looked toward the direction I pointed. In the meantime, I could feel Hamin staring at my face from behind.
“Really? Then it’s the same direction as Yeoju.”
“Yeah. By chance.”
The answer came too fast.
Yejun looked at me for a moment, but without saying anything else, he nodded.
“Hmm, so that’s why I haven’t seen you on the way home lately.”
“What?”
“Nothing. See you tomorrow.”
Yejun turned away. After he’d gone a few steps, he looked back and waved.
I raised my hand too.
Only after Yejun’s back disappeared into the crowd did I let out a long breath.
“Hah, I don’t think we got caught…?”
“If someone could be fooled by acting that badly.”
“What did you say?!”
“He looked thrilled to death while you two were talking.”
“Huh??”
“So he did forget.”
Just as I was about to say something to Hamin, who was only spitting out whatever he wanted to say, the signal changed.
Hamin crossed the crosswalk first, taking long strides. His steps were a little faster than usual.
I almost asked what he meant, then stopped myself. He probably wouldn’t tell me anyway.
A faint, ticklish feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time lingered in one corner of my chest. Was it because of that conversation with Yejun just now? I’d thought those feelings were already over.
I pressed my lips together and followed behind Hamin.
Hamin never once looked back until we reached home.
*
Saturday afternoon.
My parents had gone out to grocery shop, and only Hamin and I were left in the living room. At last, a peaceful weekend had come.
What a chaotic week it had been.
Before leaving, Mom repeated the same thing several times, saying there was fruit in the fridge, or if I was hungry to heat up the dumplings in the freezer.
Only after the front door closed did the house go quiet.
I was lying half-slouched on one side of the sofa, watching a rerun of a variety show. I had a bag of snacks on my lap, and my feet were up on the armrest.
Hamin was sitting on the opposite side, only looking at his phone. Occasionally I heard the sound of a short video, but we didn’t talk to each other.
On the show, the cast kept laughing and chattering. I absentmindedly snacked and said, pointing at the screen,
“She’s ending up dating that guy after all.”
Hamin didn’t even look at the screen.
“Who?”
“You’ve been watching it with me from the beginning.”
“I wasn’t.”
“Then why are you sitting here?”
“So you wouldn’t be bored alone, noona.”
“I’m not bored, so go to your room.”
Hamin didn’t answer. Instead, he leaned forward and picked up the remote on the table.
The screen immediately switched to a soccer broadcast.
“Hey, you were watching me. Are you nuts?”
“You seemed to know all the details.”
“A rerun is still a show. Give it back.”
I held out my hand, but Hamin moved the remote to his other hand.
“After the soccer match.”
“There are still two hours left.”
“Then watch quietly.”
I stood up in disbelief. Hamin was grinning for some reason. Is this funny?!
My weekend, too, can’t be stolen by him.
I reached out with determination to snatch the remote, and Hamin raised his arm high. I couldn’t even touch his fingertips.
“Hand it over nicely.”
“Take it if you can.”
“You have to lower your arm for me to take it!”
I put a knee on the sofa and moved closer to Hamin. Hamin stretched out his hand and leaned his body toward the edge of the sofa. No, was he always this childish? Or was he just childish because he was younger.
I was thinking that, despite being only a year apart, and reading his movements as I got closer and closer.
“You’re trying to win just because you’re taller. How cheap.”
“If you’re jealous, then get taller too, noona.”
I braced one hand on Hamin’s shoulder and reached the other behind his back. My fingertips touched the edge of the remote.
I thought Hamin’s eyes widened too.
“Got it!”
The moment I grabbed the remote, the knee braced on the edge of the sofa slipped.
My body lurched to the side, and before I knew it, my hand gripping Hamin’s shoulder tightened.
While I caught my breath in a short gasp, Hamin used one hand to firmly catch my waist as I was about to fall, and with a pull upward toward the sofa, he lifted me back up.
The soft sofa sank deeply under the weight. The remote slipped from my hand and fell to the floor with a dull thud.
My hand was clutching Hamin’s shoulder, and through my fingers I could feel the thin T-shirt and the solid shoulder underneath. I was lying on top of him, as if I were hugging Hamin tight.
“Gah,”
I slightly lifted my head, and Hamin’s face was right in front of me. He even looked like he had no intention of turning his head away. He was staring at me very intently. The moment I felt Hamin’s firm arm still wrapped around my waist, heat rushed to my face.
I tried to jump up from my seat, but because of Hamin’s arm I couldn’t rise much. I was practically on top of Hamin, as if I were pinning him down.
On the TV, the commentator was talking rapidly about something, but I couldn’t hear a thing.
Too close.
If I moved even a little, it felt like our noses would touch. Every time Hamin exhaled, the hair falling over his forehead trembled faintly.
I should get up.
Because of the hand on my waist, I couldn’t tell where to move my body.
“Hey, your hand….”
“…….”
When I spoke softly, Hamin’s fingers moved for a moment. Even so, his arm didn’t loosen.
Hamin looked up at me without saying anything. Whether he was enjoying the situation or not, his eyes were raking over me, fixed and unblinking.
For just a moment our eyes met, then his gaze dropped a little lower.
Without meaning to, I pressed my lips together.
Hamin looked back up at me.
Then he slowly closed his eyes.
Even when I realized what it meant, my body wouldn’t move.
Click.
I heard the front door open.
“We’re home~”
Hamin opened his eyes first.
He immediately supported my waist and sat me back on the sofa, then picked up the remote and climbed down to the floor. He moved so fast I froze in place, clutching a cushion.
“Welcome home.”
“Were the two of you okay?”
Mom came into the living room carrying the grocery bags.
“Yes.”
Hamin smiled at my parents and lifted the remote, placing it on the side table.
I hugged the cushion and retreated to the edge of the sofa. It felt like the sensation of the hand that had been on my waist was still there.
My heartbeat was so loud I thought Mom might hear it too, so I pulled the cushion up to my chest.
“Why is your face red?”
Mom asked, looking at me.
“I’m hot.”
“The air conditioner’s on, though?”
“It’s because I ate snacks.”
It was a ridiculous answer.
Mom gave me another strange look and went into the kitchen. As my parents’ conversation drifted a little farther away, I could hear my heartbeat loudly again.
Thump- thump-
When I heard the grocery bags being set on the table and the fridge opening as she busily put things away, only then did I sneak a glance to the side.
Hamin was still watching TV.
When I kept staring, he slowly turned his head.
Our eyes met.
The corner of Hamin’s mouth lifted just a little.
I threw the cushion I was holding straight at Hamin’s face.
“Just change the channel.”
Catching the cushion, Hamin picked up the remote that had fallen to the floor.
The screen went back to the variety show, but after that, none of it registered at all.
Hamin was secretly fiddling with the hand of his that had touched Yeoju’s skin, away from Yeoju’s notice.
