"Come in."
" ah··· "
Looking at his hospital room, which is filled with memories, I feel guilty again.
" what's the matter? "
"Oh, no..."
After a moment of hesitation, he called me.
"Come in comfortably,"
"Oh, yes..."
The inside of the hospital room is still clean.
"Would you like to sit here?"
I approached him as he sat on the bed and patted the spot next to me.
" hmm··· "
" ···. "
A quiet atmosphere flowed as everyone hesitated to speak to each other, keeping their mouths shut.
" that. "
"Brother,"
"Ah... you speak first."
"No, Oppa, you speak first."
" therefore···, "
The sight of someone brushing the back of their head without answering.
"Really, I'm sorry. I was so overcome with emotion earlier that I don't even remember what I said, so first of all... I'll apologize. I'm sorry, Su-ah."
"No... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving without telling you... I'm sorry for putting you in trouble."
"I'm sorry..."
"Why is the grass so dead?"
"Because I'm sorry..?"
"From now on, you can stop saying sorry to me about that. I've decided to stop. I didn't do anything wrong either..."
"···Oh, okay."
"I... I'm sorry. Really."
"What is your fault, Suah?"
"If that's really the case... please hug me."
I have to pretend like I'm okay, like I'm strong, because I feel like the afterimage will fade away. I can't erase it, I can't erase it if it seems like it'll fade away, but I run away again. I wrap it in nice words and escape reality again.
" ···. "
He hugs me with a look of "I'm still sorry" written on his face.
And unfortunately, the passing figure is not him,
"What's out there?"
"It's been a really long time since I've been here, hasn't it?"
Because it had to be someone else's appearance.
I shouldn't have acted like that in that state, but I knew it well, and yet I asked to be held by him and held him. Even though I knew it, I kept holding him in my arms, with the person who kept coming to my mind, wondering what he was thinking and what he wanted. I knew better than anyone that it was a sin and a mistake, but was it because his embrace was warm, or was it just...
Was it because of the weather?
The door suddenly opens.
*
Seungcheol closed his eyes tightly.
In the hospital room where Su-ah disappeared, there was no one to talk to. A dull cough echoed through the quiet room.
" ···. "
He climbed into bed and closed his eyes. He wasn't trying to fall asleep. He just hoped that if he closed his eyes and opened them again, the world would be a little... a little brighter. He wished, a small but profound wish, that Soo-ah would be healthy, just like back then. No matter how many times he closed and opened his eyes, the only thing that held Seung-cheol back was the emptiness of the hospital room.
Was it really that difficult? He couldn't understand why something so simple, something so commonplace to someone who simply loved and cared for each other, seemed so coldly dismissed by him. He knew he had to let her go anyway, he thought, trying to let her go without crying, but it wasn't as easy as he'd thought.
"Anyway, we were going to break up anyway. It's a good thing..."
I hated the feeling of my heart pounding and feeling suffocated.
/
"Oppa, oppa, look at this...!"
As she looked at Su-ah, who was leaning on Min-gyu's shoulder, the things in Ye-won's hands fell down with a loud noise.
" who···. "
"..That, student?"
" who are you? "
" ···? "
"Who are you to be dating someone else's boyfriend?"
···boy friend?
"..Suah, can I go out for a bit?"
" ah.. "
Su-ah closed her eyes tightly at the fleeting afterimage she didn't want to see.
" ···Have a nice trip."
/
"Su-ah···,"
"···Brother."
" ···. "
Su-ah quietly watched Min-gyu, who was hesitating.
"I'm sorry, I made you come when there were only two of you..."
"It's okay, I..."
I... me too,
"Actually, she's the one who came to see me every day when I lost my memory... because I couldn't reject her when she confessed..."
"Oh... is that your girlfriend?"
"Yeah, sorry..."
I look at him and bow my head deeply in guilt.
"···Brother."
" huh? "
" no.. "
I have to say it. I know I absolutely have to say it. But...
"I'm sorry.. I'll finish talking soon."
...I will tell you. Someday, I will definitely tell you. Su-ah couldn't even tell if she would keep that promise, but she kept repeating her promise that she would tell you soon.
/
"Choi Seung-cheol!!"
The doctor in charge was in terrible condition, as if he had rushed to the hospital in a panic. He had been ill for quite some time, so he and the doctor were already acquainted.
"Ha, you... You said you'd get better even though it wasn't possible, but you kept going out, and now what on earth is the reason why this bright kid has become like this?"
" ···. "
"Did something happen?"
"It's similar."
" ..you? "
Even if you joke, the doctor's laughter suddenly stopped as he tilted his head and laughed as if it was nonsense.
" ···really? "
It's the sad expression of a patient I'm seeing for the second time.
"Really, then."
"···Seungcheol."
The doctor, who had been biting his lips, tries to give the patient some important advice.
"You, while you're in the hospital... I think it would be best if you didn't meet any women."
"···That's a lifetime."
There isn't much left.
"No, it can get better. And love... makes people's moods fluctuate a lot. If your health isn't good and your moods are getting worse..."
" ···. "
"It can get better. Let's meet after you're fully healed."
" ···is it so, "
Seung, with difficulty, parted his lips, which refused to open.Cheol answered like that. He forced out an "I understand" response. He had no one to meet anyway, and meeting someone now would bring more harm than good, more emotional pain than peace for both parties. It would be better not to start a relationship like that. It would be better. It would clear up what he had been trying to sort out.
But my frozen heart won't go away.
The image of Sua being held by Mingyu flashed through Seungcheol's empty eyes.
...It seems to be a car, solid. He immediately said that as he watched the doctor nod faintly.
/
" ···. "
" ···. "
The ward was quiet. Only the occasional chirping of birds outside the window punctuated the silence.
They spent time hugging each other, unable to think of anything to say.
"···Sua."
" yes. "
" love you. "
" ···me too. "
Sua looked up at Min-gyu.
Both eyes are focused solely on Min-gyu.
Min-gyu looks pretty smiling.
Without even realizing that her gaze was directed straight at someone else...
Min-gyu's upright heart was perhaps incongruously blue.
/
" ···. "
The next morning, Seungcheol, who was sitting still, picks up his cell phone.
Doo do ...
Because I knew that nothing would change if I just sat there. Su-ah wasn't that sloppy, and I knew she wouldn't show herself if she didn't want to.
/
"This is Kim Min-gyu from M Group."
While Su-ah was in the bathroom, Min-gyu's phone rang. He answered, his businesslike voice flowing out.
- "I am Choi Seung-cheol, the eldest son of C Management. I heard that you are currently hospitalized at XX University Hospital. Is that correct?"
Ah, Choi Seung-cheol.
Was it because he was weak or sick? I heard he was in this university hospital for quite a long time. He is the eldest son of a company that has a partnership with Min-gyu's company, a group with a fairly high business hierarchy.
" that's right. "
- "If you don't mind, can I come and see you sometime?"
"Okay. When are you available?"
- "Today... is around 2 o'clock okay?"
"Yes, that's fine. Feel free to come. Would you like to have lunch together?"
- "Okay, thank you-"
Min-gyu stares blankly at the phone as it suddenly disconnects.
"What's going on?"
"Oh, yeah... Someone from the company will be coming to see you later regarding work-related matters. Is that okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine - can I go out?"
"Where are you going?"
"Uh... I guess I'm just taking a walk around the hospital."
"Um... Or maybe Jungkook called me for a moment."
"Hey, it's okay. I'll take care of it. If you're bored, just go outside and do something."
" okay···, "
I don't want to be apart. Su-ah couldn't help but smile brightly at Min-gyu who was hugging her.
/
As the appointed time approaches.
" ···after, "
Seungcheol, worried that he might look unwell, checked himself in the mirror several times before opening the hospital room door. "Concentrate, Choi Seungcheol. Concentrate. This is work. But it's funny to think about it. Where should we go for lunch?"
I walked slowly, my mind wandering, to Min-gyu's hospital room in the building next door.
/
"Then, oppa, I'll go out and see. Do your best."
"Yeah, have a nice trip. Sorry."
"It's work, what's the big deal? See you later-"
" huh, "
She opened the door to the hospital room.
If Su-ah wanted to avoid encountering him as much as possible, she would head straight for the stairs instead of using the passageway to the next building.
"···Sua?"
A familiar voice filled the hallway.
/
Seungcheol walked down the passageway to the building next door, his face slightly brighter as he tried to clear his mind of distracting thoughts.
He briefly shields his eyes from the pouring sunlight and continues on his way. It's a bit early, so he's considering waiting for about ten minutes before continuing.
" ···. "
At that moment, a familiar silhouette opening the door to Min-gyu's hospital room catches Seung-cheol's eye.
"···Sua?"
/
Su-ah, who had been frozen in place as if nailed to the ground, slowly turns around.
No way, no way...
As soon as I turned around, Seungcheol caught my eye and I stopped again, my breath caught in my throat.
" ···. "
Su-ah stands still, a little way from the hospital room door, unable to move forward or backward.
"···Sua, can I talk to you for a moment?"
Before she could even come up with an excuse for being late for their appointment, he called her.
/
" ···. "
" ···. "
Even when they arrived at the cafe on the first floor of the hospital, both of them just stood there blankly, as if they were deep in thought about something.
" ···Sorry. "
The first one to speak was Seungcheol.
" ···. "
Su-ah's eyes were unfocused, as if she was still deep in thought...
"No, Oppa... I'm sorry..."
A deep silence flowed between them. It was as if a thick, invisible wall had been erected between them, preventing them from moving.
"Yesterday... that's what disappeared."
" ···. "
"No... I swear I absolutely do not love you. But..."
" ···. "
"Let's stop seeing each other, Suah."
" ···. "
Seungcheol's eyes also tremble as he looks at Sua, who is silent with her head bowed.
"You asked me why I was in the hospital."
" huh···. "
"I'm a person with almost no chance of survival."
" what..? "
Su-ah's head tilted up at the unexpected words.
"So, he's someone who wouldn't be surprised if he died at any time. He's currently receiving life-prolonging treatment at the hospital, so his chances of survival are practically nil. It was a few weeks after we broke up... that's when I found out."
" ···. "
"So, instead of someone like me who can't make you happy, meet someone better."
Seungcheol repeated Sua's words from a few years ago. It was painful to experience it from the other person's perspective. Seungcheol paused as he tried to wipe away the tears streaming from Sua's eyes, then withdrew his hand.
"···You have a bright future ahead of you. I hope you forget about me and just start living happily now."
It wasn't something he had originally intended to say. The words just flowed freely from Seungcheol's mouth as he watched Sooah emerge from Mingyu's hospital room. It felt like someone was there to take better care of him than he could, and instead of getting angry, he felt a vague sense of relief.
"I will never meet someone like you again. I... I really, "
"Why can't you meet him? You're more than enough for me. So meet a man who's much better than me and live happily."
" ···. "
While countless words like “I’m sorry” and “Thank you” ran through her head, Su-ah stared blankly at the coffee she hadn’t even touched yet.
"Let's just say we won't see each other again. Thank you for giving me such happy times, and the time I spent with you was the most precious of all the times I've lived. But if I drag out any more of that precious time, I'll hate to leave, so I think I'll have to stop here."
" Me, me···"
"···I'll be going, Suah. Take care."
It was the last. Not wanting to leave any more memories, Seungcheol didn't even ask for one last hug, and without taking any further action, he sat up with a faint smile.
" me too···. "
The time I spent with you was so happy. So precious. A teardrop fell from my chin, and like a broken faucet, the tears flowed down my face.
"Me too, I... I loved too. I was happy too, and I..."
Su-ah's shoulders shook as she uttered words that could not reach him, one by one. Her eyes, seemingly determined to give up everything and leave no more regrets behind, and the guilt that washed over her, made it impossible for her to hold onto Seung-cheol.
Surely no one was waiting for you? (= I really mean sorry..)
It's 11:50 easily ㅠ I missed it three times and my phone got clogged, and then I sighed and looked and it was already Thursday.. I was going to just upload it but it was vague so I thought I'll just upload it together with the next one on Saturday,, but is the length okay 😭 By the way, the content is a mess,,? Please call me a late bloomer from today onwards, even if you call me the devil of being late, I have nothing to say.. I'm also so grateful to those who continued to support me ㅠㅠㅠㅠ I should have at least posted a notice 8ㅅ8... I love you, I'm sorry 💗🤧🤧