Episode 2: Yesterday's Confession, Today's Distance
The studio was as lively as usual, but everyone's mood had been a little different since yesterday.
ㅇㅇ put on headphones and acted as if nothing had happened.
Last night, Yeonjun's confession was running through my head, but my mind was already made up.
What are you going to do now? I've already given up.
At that moment, the door opened and Yeonjun came in. Their eyes met for just a moment, but Yeonjun quickly looked away. Yeonjun also said nothing and exchanged greetings with the other members.
"Lol, I'll give you a recording guide file today."
Noah approached.
"Yes, thank you."
ㅇㅇ replied briefly.
"I'll record first today, sis."
Ha Min stood up. Noah, Bambi, and Eun Ho could not hide their concern.
The recording began, and it was Yeonjun and Jiyeon's turn next.
The two of them laughed and matched their tone, even joking around a little.
ㅇㅇ bowed his head.
Look, I thought so. You only liked me for a moment.
I felt a pain in the corner of my chest. I was the one who decided to change my mind, but it was more cruel than I thought.
Bambi, who was watching the scene, whispered to Eunho.
"Eunho, your ㅇㅇ is weird."
"Yeah. Anyone can see that."
Eunho sighed softly and glared at Yeonjun.
Brother... why are you so insensitive at times like these?
In front of the microphone, the two laughed and lightly smacked each other's hands.
It suited her well, it was natural and pleasant to look at.
I was sitting on the sofa and could hear the laughter coming from next to me through my earphones.
You'll probably end up regretting saying "I love you."
All my attempts to force a smile fell apart.
I just wanted it to be over quickly. I didn't want anyone to talk to me, I didn't want anyone to see me.
But everyone was strangely concerned.
Noah wandered close to me and Hamin joked around.
Bambi was checking in on me, and Eunho was unusually quiet today.
Everybody knows what happened yesterday.
I forced myself to act as if nothing had happened, but my eyes were inevitably drawn to him.
laughter.
A gentle expression.
A soft voice.
I thought so.
The words I had hidden deep in my heart clawed at me again.
After the recording was finished, the mood shifted to organizing.
I purposely moved slowly to stall out the time, afraid that if I went out first someone would follow me.
I sat in the corner of the hallway next to a vending machine on the first floor. The sounds of machines, the sounds of laughter. Everything felt heavy.
It was supposed to be fun, but when did it change like this?
At that moment, I heard quiet footsteps. I knew it without even opening my eyes.
"yes."
Hannoa.
"I want to be alone."
He said without mincing words.
"So I won't leave you alone."
Noah sat quietly next to him.
There was no word for a while, and the silence was rather comfortable.
"Everyone knows what happened yesterday."
Noah said carefully, and I listened without turning my head.
"Did that guy speak?"
"No, it's the look on your face."
At those words, the expression he was trying to hide crumbled.
"I thought so. There's no way Nae-jam would say that. He's always been so kind. I'm the only one who thinks badly of him."
I asked, looking at Noah.
"Why am I the only one getting so... ugly? It looks weird to you, doesn't it?"
"That's stupid. You're not weird at all."
Noah's words were blunt, but there was warmth in them.
I sat next to Noah and closed my eyes, without saying a word, without asking for anything.
Noah would occasionally unconsciously lightly touch the back of my hand, which for some reason was comforting.
"Do you want to slack off some more?"
he asked.
"Yeah."
I answered briefly.
The hallway was still quiet. Time seemed to stand still.
After a while, my cell phone vibrated.
The name "Yeol" appeared.
I stared at the screen and quietly hung up the phone.
Noah saw this and said nothing, but slowly stood up.
"Let's go back to the studio for now. I'll buy myself some time to calm down."
I nodded and followed behind.
Back at the studio, most of the people have finished packing up, hastily packing their bags and arranging their earphones.
Yeonjun glanced at me and then looked away, and I pretended not to notice.
"Everyone, let's skip the meeting today."
Noah said naturally.
"Everybody's tired."
"Yeah. I'm going home and going to bed too."
Bambi agreed.
Eunho and Hamin nodded quietly. I could tell that everyone was being considerate.
I just laughed briefly.
"Yeah."
As I walked out the studio door, someone called quietly from behind me.
"yep."
Nam Ye-jun.
I stopped for a moment, then just nodded and continued walking.
Yeonjun didn't come near me. He just stood there.
You and I are left unable to do anything.
I left him and went outside, the cold air brushing against my face. It was especially chilly today.
I put on my coat and started walking quickly. After walking for a while, I turned towards the parking lot.
At that moment, a familiar car quietly approached me.
The driver's side window rolled down and Hamin peeked out.
"Shall I walk you home, sister?"
Hamin's voice was careful, not forcing, just suggesting.
I hesitated for a moment, then nodded.
Hamin opened the passenger door without saying a word.
Hamin got behind the wheel without saying a word and didn't leave until I spoke.
I quietly fastened my seat belt and looked out the window.
"Go slowly."
I said quietly, and Hamin nodded with a slight laugh.
The car started to move slowly.
It was lonely outside, but it was strangely warm inside the car.
The car drove quietly down the road, and Hamin turned down the volume on the radio and sat in the driver's seat, his hands on the steering wheel, looking out the window.
"...Are you tired?"
Hamin's voice was low and careful, and I couldn't answer right away.
Because I knew how he felt, how he circled around me carefully.
So I thought I shouldn't rely on him too much. I didn't want to be the kind of person who takes advantage of those feelings.
I quietly shook my head.
Hamin nodded without saying anything, and they spent some time together in silence.
The car came to a halt at a traffic light. Hamin looked out the window and began to speak carefully again.
"Today, I tried to make you laugh by telling you a silly joke."
I looked at him. Hamin didn't look at me, he was just looking out the window, as if he thought he would break if he looked me in the eye.
I gave a small laugh.
"It was a bit funny."
It was the truth. Ha Min's feelings were warm and awkward, but that helped me to endure it.
At that moment, Hamin finally gave a small smile.
"good."
When they arrived in front of the house, Hamin parked the car and was quiet for a while.
"If you want to be alone, I'll go home without sending you off. If not, I'll stay with you without you having to say anything."
I hesitated for a moment as I grabbed the door handle.
Hamin didn't rush or chase, he just waited.
I ended up shaking my head slightly.
"Are you okay."
Hamin nodded slowly.
"Yeah. But... really, anytime."
Those words strangely stayed in my mind.
I closed the door and stood there until the car pulled away.
Hamin drove slowly all the way to the end, as if he felt bad about leaving me behind.
Once the car was completely out of sight, I bowed my head.
I thought that I should never take advantage of the loneliness I felt at that moment and Hamin's kindness.
I had to be alone until I felt okay.
Left alone on the road.
Cold air.
My heart has not yet been sorted out.
I started walking slowly towards the house.
Try to squeeze in today.
That night, ㅇㅇ finished her bath alone and stood in front of the mirror, sighing deeply.
As I wiped the remaining water from my face with my hands, I remembered what had happened yesterday.
Every time I remember Yeon-soo's confession, something in my chest tightens painfully.
His eyes were serious at the time, but I knew what the drunk Yeon-soo had meant when he said those words.
I took out my phone and checked the message from Yeonjun, but I didn't want to read it again.
I didn't want to make other people uncomfortable because of my own feelings.
O-O-K realized she just had to let go of him, because if she continued to hold on to those feelings, she would surely get hurt again.
If only I gave up, there would be no reason for this to happen again.
I couldn't sleep and stared out the window.
Before I knew it, dawn had arrived. It was a blurry time between darkness and dawn.
I searched my memory. When we were in high school, we made a small promise.
"Let's all make a song together."
That simple, innocent decision was the beginning of our journey.
We had vague dreams: on stage, music, the future.
At that time, Ji Young was already a person from another world.
While we were still running down the hallways at school, she was singing on stage.
A famous name seen on TV. Lee Chan-yeon.
Yeonjun liked that kind of Jihyo. It was just the love of a fan.
"Chanyo's voice is really amazing. And the lyrics are so beautiful." This was the name that Yeon-soo would often say, putting his studies on the back burner while playing the guitar.
From then on, the five of us continued to steadily write songs.
He was clumsy, but desperate, simple, but sincere.
Yeon-soo was alone with a new determination.
"I want to give my chanyeol a song as a gift someday."
I discovered this wish by chance.
So I worked even harder. I wanted to help bring the dream of the person I had watched over since childhood within my reach.
Finally, we were able to get signed to a label. He was an inexperienced producer, but he was serious. Time passed, and we were finally assigned to the same project as Chang-yeon.
"Wow, this is amazing. We're really going to work together."
The day his name was first connected with Chanyoung's, Yeon's eyes were sparkling. Seeing him so happy made me happy too. Because we all achieved this together, because it was our shared dream.
That's how it was at first.
That's exactly what happened.
But over time, something changed.
Yeon-soo was still working hard on his songs, earnest and sincere, but he would sometimes casually praise Chan-young.
"Chiyo's voice is amazing. He writes lyrics really well."
I replied to that with a laugh.
"Yeah, it's cool."
As I said this, I listened for a moment.
"If it's that good, why don't you confess? If you confess, I'm sure you'll be open to accepting."
He spoke in a light-hearted tone, with a touch of joke.
Yeonjun smiled and answered casually.
"Maybe I'll accept it, but I don't think that's going to happen."
The words he casually uttered.
At that moment, I felt like I had been doused in cold water for no apparent reason.
I tried to laugh it off, but a corner of my heart sank quietly.
"I'm serious."
That's what I misunderstood.
No, I believed that myself.
At some point, Yeonjun started talking less about Jiyong.
Was he aware of it, or was he trying to distance himself from it?
I knew.
As a producer, if you let personal feelings get involved in your work, it will fall apart.
Yeonjun knew this too, so he tried desperately to hide it in his heart.
He just kept quiet and tried to fulfill his role as a producer.
Watching O-chan like that, I was seized by a loneliness that I couldn't understand the reason for.
One day, something like that happened.
I happened to hear it one night when I was working late and passing through the studio hallway.
Conversation leaked out through the gap in the door.
"...I love you, Oppa."
A familiar voice.
I froze in place. I felt like I was suffocating.
Not wanting to make any noise, I unconsciously stepped back.
I couldn't hear any more. I didn't want to hear any more.
As I turned around, I felt a pain in my chest that felt like it was being torn apart.
From that day on, I couldn't accept anything Yeon said. Ji Yeon and Yeon were the same as before, they were still as lovely as ever, and there wasn't even a trace of awkwardness between them. Maybe we were lovers now. But I'm not sure. There were times when I tried to avoid Yeon because I didn't want to get in the way, and there were times when I made up my mind.
But was it really that easy?
When Yeon-soo asked me why I wanted to go so far away, I was shaken.
The closer Yeon got to me, the more complicated these feelings became.
Is he approaching me just to comfort me, or is he really in love with me?
Even after hearing his confession, I tried to act as if nothing had happened, but each time I did so, my mind became more confused.
So I thought that maybe his actions, his gentle gaze, and the words "I love you" were just a misunderstanding.
He just wanted to comfort me when I was in pain. He was upset about what had happened with Ji Young. All of that came together and he was leaning on me.
Nothing more, I told myself, and believed it.
No, I wanted to believe it.
Otherwise I wouldn't have been able to bear the pain.
The dawn was unnecessarily long, and as the endless time passed, my mind gradually began to calm down.