I'm so lonely

4

Today, he didn't even contact me. If it were normal, he would have been kind, asking, "What are you doing? Did you sleep well?" I got out of bed, frustrated. Brushing my teeth, I began to chase away the feeling of having forgotten something. Oh, right. Today was the day of the shoot. I'd forgotten my song was coming out. I did it last time, and it was happening again this time. I felt like I'd suddenly lose all my memories and it would be sad. I had to live, hiding my true self, unseen by anyone, unable to show it. What is love, what is affection, making me suffer? I combed my already stiff, blue-dyed hair. I was already so beautiful, so why didn't anyone understand my heart? Why did they only look at what I could see, unable to love what I couldn't see? I only laughed in front of the camera, wondering what was so good about it. I'm okay. I'm better than anyone else. I gathered my composure once more and went up on stage. The cheers echoed without interruption. If it were before, I would have felt better, but now I felt nothing. After all, it's certain he won't see the dark shadow behind me. I feel like I'm growing increasingly exhausted. When I returned after the stage, I wondered what kind of messages I'd received. They were all from the same person. They were a jumble of insults and resentful language. How dare they drag me into such a belated state... I really want to kill them.



“Hey, what are you doing?”



“Are you an idiot?”



“You seem like a loner.”



Insults always followed me. It was enough to make me want to live. But these thoughts were slowly becoming reality. Words can become seeds. But why wouldn't his heart, no matter how much I shouted, become seeds? My body and mind were already exhausted. Unless someone saved me from the collapse, it would be difficult to recover. Die, die, die. No matter how much I shouted, only the pain would gradually creep in. I couldn't die easily. If he were by my side when I died, I wouldn't have any wishes. What's more, I suffered from insomnia, so I could barely sleep sober. It was either a trance from the drugs or a drunken stupor. How could they ruin me like that without even knowing? These people are truly despicable. They'll just pretend to be nice and say nothing later, and act as if nothing happened. "Stop talking like that," I sighed, sinking into the ground. Was this what life was all about? Once again, I realized the true nature of human greed.