1 - ineedyou | 임자몽

Choi Soo-bin and Kim Yeo-ju

Choi Soo-bin was always like that. It felt like I could reach him, but I never could. A mirage, a shooting star, love that I wanted to grasp. I wanted his love, his possessiveness, his desire to conquer, even his sexual desire. Ever since I first saw him. I fucking loved him so much. Choi Soo-bin. So I decided not to get close to him. I decided not to hug him.

I loved her so much, my heart felt like it was going to burst. Just looking at her made me happy, and I tried not to get greedy. When I heard she'd broken up with her high school girlfriend, I secretly rejoiced. I thought I might have a chance. Even though we weren't particularly close, I gave her the apple-flavored Chupa Chups I had in my pocket. I whispered to her to eat something sweet and cheer up, and left the drinking party with her, telling her to go home. That resolve not to get greedy sank like a hollowed-out sandcastle, swept away by the waves without a trace.

A few days later, I received a call from Choi Soobin, whose profile picture had vanished, leaving no trace of her ex-girlfriend. "You? Apple-flavored Chupa Chups," she began. The words "She found me" made my heart race. A first love with no answer. A crush. A love without a purpose ...

The message was about how it was the first time she'd ever seen someone give her Chupa Chups, and how fun it was. She wanted to thank me for providing some comfort. And she added, "Let's say hello if we see each other at school." Choi Soobin ended the conversation with a rather formal remark. "You probably didn't think much of it, but you have no idea how my mind was spinning with those words."

We actually ran into each other at school a few days later. Maybe it was because we shared the same building, but it was easy to bump into each other. That's why I couldn't give up on Choi Soo-bin. He wouldn't leave my sight.

Choi Soo-bin was the first to say, "Isn't that you? Apple-flavored Chupa Chups?" as I was throwing away my canned coffee. "Huh? That's right." I responded with a casual "Huh?" and then gauged her reaction. "I don't have any friends to eat with, so eat with me." Of course, Choi Soo-bin was joking. It was just my friends. Kim Yeo-ju pretended not to notice and nodded in agreement. "When will I ever eat with Choi Soo-bin again?" was all I could think. Choi Soo-bin was nothing more than a persimmon she couldn't eat, a pie in the sky.

That day, they had udon for lunch. Kim Yeo-ju said she liked udon. Choi Soo-bin, never picky, agreed. Choi Soo-bin bought the meal. Kim Yeo-ju waved it off several times, saying it was okay, but it was only after she handed over her card. Kim Yeo-ju knew Choi Soo-bin's schedule well. She also knew that the class was 17 minutes later. As expected, Choi Soo-bin apologized, saying she had to go first, and suggested they have lunch together again next time. Kim Yeo-ju didn't respond, just gave an awkward laugh. Kim Yeo-ju, who had a schedule for the space school, had nowhere else to go. So she just went into the science lab and took a nap. After that, there was no more contact between the two.

May had begun, and everyone was starting to wear short sleeves. She met Choi Soo-bin again at a blind date she'd been dragged to by a friend. It was not that they hadn't contacted each other since then. But Kim Yeo-ju continued to run away from Choi Soo-bin. She didn't want him to get used to her. She wanted to run away from the atmosphere where people were pouring and pouring soju. She said she was going to the bathroom and went outside. She pulled out one of the five or six lollipops she could find in her pocket. Kim Yeo-ju loved apple-flavored Chupa Chups. When she opened the green plastic wrapper and rolled it in her mouth, the subtle apple flavor spread. The scent was a bit artificial.

- I see you like it. Apple flavored Chupa Chups.

I thought I'd misheard, perhaps due to the alcohol I'd had, so I stayed quiet. If only I hadn't heard Choi Soo-bin's laughter again.

"Why did you come out?"

- Because you're not inside.

"... what do you mean?"

i like you.

- It wasn't fun without you.

Choi Soo-bin.

With words I couldn't utter, the candy crunched in my mouth. I chewed the candy with all my might, trying not to let out the words "I like it." And the candies crumbled easily in my mouth. Choi Soobin's lips touched my sweet, apple-scented lips. Choi Soobin licked and sucked my lower lip carefully. And then our tongues connected. By the time I wrapped my arms around Choi Soobin's neck, the candy had already melted. We simply mingled, our tongues warm. I was so lost in thought that I didn't even notice Choi Soobin's saliva running down my throat.

That day, Kim Yeo-ju learned two more things about Choi Soo-bin.
Choi Soo-bin is a really good kisser.
Choi Soo-bin and Kim Yeo-ju became acquaintances.

When I opened my eyes, everything was pitch black. Choi Soo-bin was there, snoring in his sleep whenever I moved, hugging me tighter. As I adjusted to the darkness, I vaguely realized: I hadn't gone all the way. Choi Soo-bin was sleeping comfortably, holding me in his arms. Hearing his raspy breathing, a wave of dizziness washed over me. Am I with Choi Soo-bin? Why? Could he be mistaken? As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I ran away from him. I shook off his embrace, grabbed my phone and wallet, crumpled my shoes, and ran out of the motel, which smelled like cheap soap.

Without knowing that Choi Soo-bin was watching the entire process.

Of course, the very next day, I was caught by Choi Soobin at school. I'd considered taking a leave of absence 76 times, but it was pointless. If I was going to get caught like this, I shouldn't have come. I should have taken a leave of absence. I should have taken a leave of absence. I shouldn't have come to this school. After that, my eyes met Choi Soobin's.

-Why did you run away?

Kim Yeo-ju's eyes, searching for a suitable excuse, returned to the window. Even though she was just staring at the dust settled on the windowsill, meaningless. Kim Yeo-ju knew why. She was afraid of getting close to Choi Soo-bin. Fearful of the future, she simply retreated. Kim Yeo-ju didn't know how to win love.

Kim Yeo-ju closed her eyes tightly.

"Then why are you looking for me? Do you know me well?"

- I don't know. I didn't know, so I looked it up. I wanted to know.

And Kim Yeo-ju didn't even know how to beat Choi Soo-bin.

A damn world where the one you love more becomes the loser. Kim Yeo-joo, who loved Choi Soo-bin so much, didn't know she could beat him. Thanks to Kim Yeo-joo, who lost to Choi Soo-bin, the two met again today and had a meal together. The menu was sweet potato cheese pork cutlet from the cafeteria.

"Why am I curious?"

- You were the one who treated me well first.

"I was nagging you because you seemed sad after breaking up."

- You're not that kind of person.

"You said you didn't know me. Hey. You know everything."

- ...What? Age? Name?

"...Fuck."

The food had lost its flavor. Even though I usually like sweet potato cheese donkatsu, I stood up without hesitation. I threw the remaining rice into the trash can. I knew everything, but I pretended not to. I was foolish to think Choi Soo-bin wouldn't know. That's why I didn't want to get close to Choi Soo-bin. Remaining as an extra 13 was the best option for Choi Soo-bin, who had a lot of people around her, and knew as much about them as she did.

"Don't follow me."

Choi Soo-bin told me not to follow her, so I walked with wider strides. No matter how hard I tried to run, I was quickly caught. After three rounds of shaking off the attack and being caught, I was in tears.

"Why are you doing this to me?"

- I don't believe anything until I hear it from you. So tell me.

"I really hate Choi Soo-bin."

- Sister. Please.

Choi Soo-bin silently wiped away Kim Yeo-ju's tears, even changing her damn nickname. Clearly, I was the only one following Choi Soo-bin with my eyes. We hadn't even met eyes. So when did Choi Soo-bin start to know me? When I handed her a Chupa Chups? Or at the freshman orientation party, over two years ago?

Or since high school?

There was so much we didn't know about each other.

We needed to sort out our relationship.