60ㅣMask
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Serin greeted me with a smile. I sensed the pain hidden behind her bright smile, and tears welled up as soon as our eyes met. Serin seemed taken aback by my tears, while I, overcome with the contradictory emotions of joy and sadness, couldn't stop crying.
“Why are you crying? Don’t cry.”
“I just like seeing you, sister.”
“If you like it, you should smile, I’m fine like this.”
My sister cheered me on, telling me I was fine, but when the surgical site was stimulated, she grimaced and covered it with her hand, as if in pain. She pretended to be fine, smiling, but I knew she was groaning in silence, and I couldn't help but shed tears.
“It hurts, don’t raise your hand…”
“You got caught… You’re so perceptive, our Seo-ah.”
“Don’t force yourself to smile, I know it’s hard for you.”
“Because of me… why did you do that, you idiot.”
“I hated seeing our Seo-ah in pain. I know you still have aftereffects.”
“No matter what, I know what that person is going to do…!”
“You’re alive, right? You’re talking to Seo-ah like this.”
“It’s already in the past, as long as our Seo-ah is safe, that’s all that matters.”
I had a lot to say, but I held it back. I knew it must be hard for you, too, and you must be in a lot of pain. Seeing you in a hospital gown felt quite strange. She was always confidently dressed in her doctor's uniform, so to see her in such a completely different position. I wonder if this is how the professor felt when he saw me in pain.
“Sister, don’t force yourself to smile. If it’s hard, cry.”
With those words, the visiting hour ended and I left the intensive care unit. I saw tears welling up in my sister's eyes for the first time. Seeing that, I, too, was moved and overwhelmed with emotion.
My sister always lived behind the mask of a smile. The smile never left her lips. Looking at her like that, I thought, "Sister, your heart must be burning." I know that once you shake it off, the burning inside will soon turn to ash and become lighter. All emotions are like that. What burned until yesterday can instantly become light ash. But even knowing that, we hold on to our emotions. I want my sister to shed tears and pour out all her burning feelings. Because if you shed tears without thinking, all your difficult emotions will have turned to ash.