Jeon Jungkook, the punk who came to ruin me
I didn't sleep at all. To be precise, I couldn't sleep. I curled up in the corner of my bed and watched the once dark sky brighten. Watching it, I felt a surge of sadness, and tears fell from my eyes. I tried to define this state of mind as the so-called dawn feeling, trying to erase the thoughts of Jeon Jungkook that filled my mind.
I went into the bathroom, the shower head dripping down my body, and contemplated how to push Jeon Jungkook away. It felt even more difficult and painful because I didn't think I could just push him away.
“You have to… No, just do it.”
The loud sound of the hair dryer filled my ears. As my hair dried, I bit my lips several times, reminding myself that I only had one choice.
I put on my school uniform, slung my bag, and donned thick-rimmed glasses to hide my puffy eyes. I figured if Jeon Jungkook didn't habitually lean in close, I wouldn't be caught crying. I took a deep breath and stepped out the front door. For some reason, my mother, who usually didn't even bother to notice me when I went to school, linked arms and saw me off. It was more of a silent threat than a send-off.
For the first time in a long time, I walked the same path I always walked, with heavy steps. I don't know why this path, which I walk every morning and every night, felt so sad today. I just resented everything about the day.
“…If it was going to be like this, we shouldn’t have met.”
It was half sincere, half false. It was a mixture of my regret—if it was going to end this way, I wouldn't have met him at all—and my desire to never part ways with Jeon Jungkook. You clearly said you'd set me free, but I was never meant to be free. How foolish of me to realize this only now.
Being left alone is always lonely. Seeing the empty classroom today, I felt lonely again. Jeon Jungkook's presence gave me a sense of human warmth, and Jeon Jungkook gave me a little bit of breathing room. Today, I'm practically strangling myself.
I sat down, opened my workbook, and began tackling the most difficult calculus problems, one by one. The more complex and challenging the problem, the more I became obsessed with solving it. I plugged in my earphones and continued tackling the math workbook, and before I knew it, the class was full of students. Of course, Jeon Jungkook was there, too, opening the back door and entering.
“I guess that’s what’s so funny.”
“……”
“So much so that you wouldn’t even glance at me when I came?”
It was intentional that I didn't respond to Jeon Jungkook's words. On the surface, it might have seemed like I was wearing earphones and couldn't hear him, but the music had stopped flowing from my earphones a long time ago.
“I’m here, lady.”
Only then did Jeon Jungkook notice the earphones in my ears, and as he sat down, he tugged on one of them. This was clearly a signal to look at him. But I only flinched, my eyes still fixed on my workbook.
“Hmm-, what is it that is bothering you this time…?”
At that moment, Jeon Jungkook slammed the workbook I was reading shut and turned my chair toward him. I finally faced Jeon Jungkook, but I didn't make eye contact. I pretended nothing happened, pretended to look at him, and fixed my eyes on his shoulder.
“Look at me, lady.”
“……”
“Look at me, Kim Yeo-ju.”
There was only one reason I didn't open my mouth: I felt like I was going to burst into tears. If I did, I'd have to tell Jeon Jungkook everything I didn't want to say, everything I couldn't bring myself to say.
I could see Jeon Jungkook trying so hard not to get angry at me. It was so obvious that it made me even sadder. Jeon Jungkook's hand forced me into eye contact with his. Three seconds. Exactly three seconds passed without a word or action. I barely managed to resist the blush that almost broke out, perhaps caught in his gaze, before swatting his hand away from my chin.
“What did I do wrong?”
“……”
"Don't be so squeamish. Just talk. If I've done something wrong, apologize. If not, I'll give in, so just say it."
I lowered my gaze to the floor, my tear ducts constantly being touched. Jeon Jungkook was needlessly affectionate even in this situation, and now I resent that affection. If he were angry with me, he'd at least suggest breaking up in a fit of anger, that we never see each other again… Why is he always so affectionate?
“…You did nothing wrong.”
"then?"
“……”
"Kim Yeo-ju, I think I'm going to get mad at you if I keep doing this. If you don't want to talk, just talk to me later."
Jeon Jungkook stood up with a blank expression, his face devoid of any trace of humor, and ran a hand through his hair, suggesting he might get angry at me. I had already begun to interpret Jeon Jungkook's actions. I could see he was barely holding back his anger, and that moment presented an opportunity for me. I could pretend that I wasn't the bad guy, that I was the one who had to break up with him because of his anger.
"No, talk now. I'll wait on the rooftop."
I turned my back on Jeon Jungkook, who was standing still, and left the classroom first. I quickly passed through the chattering hallways and climbed up to the rooftop. As the rooftop door opened, a chilly breeze brushed my skin. I knew I was wrong. I felt like a piece of shit, trying to use Jeon Jungkook to break up with him. But I couldn't help it. If I didn't do this…
“…How could I, how could I…push him away……”
I had to say anything, anything, anything, to push Jeon Jungkook away. I thought it was right to break up and turn around before those words could escape my lips. It was better to just let out a snarky tantrum and break up than to hurt him with insincere words. That way, when we saw each other again, at least I'd feel resentment.
He squeezed his eyes shut, took one last deep breath, and exhaled. Deep inside, he hoped I wouldn't hurt him. At the same time, the rooftop door creaked open. Jeon Jungkook frowned at the cold wind blowing in, then took off his hoodie and draped it over his arm.
“Aren’t you cold?”
"… not really."
"You're shivering like this, but you're not cold. Why are you shivering?"
Jeon Jungkook trudged closer to me and tried to put on the hoodie he was carrying, but he was wearing only a short-sleeved shirt and a dress shirt, so he looked colder than me. I refused his hand as he tried to put the hoodie on me.
“Okay, you put it on.”
“Why are you so rebellious today?”
“……”
“Just put it on. What if you catch a cold?”
The hand that had been rejecting Jeon Jungkook's hoodie stopped, along with Jeon Jungkook's concern. As soon as my hand stopped, Jeon Jungkook immediately put his hoodie on me, and awkwardness flowed between us.
It's a new release! Come and feel the thrill!🫶🏻
