Jeon Jungkook, the punk who came to ruin me
In the long silence, I bit my lip as Jeon Jungkook sighed deeply, leaning against the rooftop railing. The still-chilly air made it impossible for me to open my mouth. Unlike us, who were as cold as ice, my mind was in turmoil. What to say, how to say it, how could I possibly avoid seeing you? I had no idea. I wished Jeon Jungkook were a math problem. It might be difficult, but the answer would be clear.
“Is it that difficult?”
"uh?"
“Is it hard for you to tell me?”
Jeon Jungkook turned to me. His eyes held a multitude of emotions, too numerous to describe. Sadness, longing, anger, worry. It was a complex, complex mix.
This very situation felt like an emotional drain on us. We don't have enough time to cherish each other and fully enjoy each other. No, after today, even that time will be gone. Overwhelmed with emotion, I ran to Jeon Jungkook and hugged him.
“Kim Yeo-ju, what’s really wrong with you?”
“Just once, just once, hug me tight.”
My body began to tremble, ever so slightly. Jeon Jungkook seemed to have noticed my trembling from the moment I was lifted into his arms, until my grip tightened around his waist. He held me still.
“What’s going on, huh?”
”……“
“What on earth is it that makes our heroine hug me first?”
It was clearly a sly tone. But his voice was affectionate, and his actions sweet. As I was clinging to Jeon Jungkook's embrace, my eyes tightly shut, I felt his hand patting my back. His touch was so warm, even in the chilly wind, that I felt tears welling up in my eyes.
I felt Jeon Jungkook's touch fully. It was a warmth I'd never feel again, anyway. As I burrowed deeper into his embrace, Jeon Jungkook paused for a moment, but continued to comfort me.
I stood there for a long time, not caring how much time passed. Then the bell rang, signaling first period, and I left Jeon Jungkook's embrace with it.
"… jungkook jeon."
"huh."
“…Jungkook.”
"huh."
Even saying Jeon Jungkook's name was difficult. I hated him for not rushing me, for being so unnecessarily warm, for being so maddeningly affectionate. I took a step back. It was a self-defense move, keeping a safe distance from Jeon Jungkook, keeping him from approaching me. I stared into his eyes for a long moment before opening my mouth.
“I want to stop now.”
I think I've said something similar before... but this time, it felt so weighty, on a whole other level. I had to let go of my attachment to Jeon Jungkook and go back to the person I was before I met him.
“…Let’s stop.”
Jeon Jungkook and I still held each other's gaze. I wondered what his reaction would be this time. Would he immediately agree to do it, would he hold me captive and not let go, or would he hand me the choice like last time? I don't know any of this, but one thing is certain: if the choice were given to me, I would abandon Jeon Jungkook.
“Do you think I’ll quit, our heroine?”
"what…?"
"I will never let you go. Because I, of all people, have decided so."
Jeon Jungkook's eyes turned fierce. It was a new expression I'd never seen before. I had to abandon Jeon Jungkook, and he was determined to keep me by his side. I was tense when he said he wouldn't let me go. His eyes told me he really would.
As Jeon Jungkook approached me, I backed away. Perhaps he thought I'd inevitably be caught if I reached my limit, and when my back hit the railing with a clank, Jeon Jungkook smirked.
"Kim Yeo-ju, it's dangerous. Come this way."
"… no."
“Please, don’t be so stubborn like a brat.”
“No, no!”
Now that it was like this, I had no choice but to make Jeon Jungkook let go. Even if the method I used to break him off would deeply hurt him, I had to do it. The distance between us was about five paces. My body was touching the rooftop railing. I tripped over myself and began to push Jeon Jungkook away.
“I don’t want to be involved with you anymore, so you should get out of here.”
“……“
“Target? Freedom? What on earth is that… Jeon Jeongguk, you’re just playing around with kids like me. I know it all, you say you’ll help me, I offer you my hand to go with you, but you end up destroying me! You’re such a devil, you.”
“… Have you thought of me like that all along?”
"Oh, come to think of it, you were trying to ruin me from the start, weren't you? You didn't even realize it was a typical thug tactic... I was a fool to trust you."
My heart ached as if it were being ripped apart. Not only was I spewing words I didn't mean to the person I loved most, but I was also inflicting further wounds. What hurt the most was the sight of Jeon Jungkook, who smiled faintly, as if he were hurt.
But I couldn't stop there. I had to get Jeon Jungkook to stop, along with a promise not to touch me. The farther away he was from me, the safer he'd be...
“I regret it. Why did I have to meet you, Jeon Jungkook…?”
“Kim Yeo-ju.”
“Why did you choose to target me…? Why on earth!”
“My lady.”
“I’d rather you not like me… you little shit…”
From my last words, laced with tears, Jeon Jungkook probably knew everything. That everything I said wasn't sincere. He knew me better than anyone, so he probably knew it already.
“Even if you don’t mean it, it still hurts so bad.”
“……”
"I'll think of it as a brief tantrum. I'll forget everything I said just now. I'll do that, so stay by my side, lady. Please."
I can't understand why Jeon Jungkook would still keep me by his side after hearing those words from me. I've gained a lot from being by his side, but it doesn't seem like that for him. Why would he… when I haven't done anything for him!
“…Jeon Jungkook, why did I have to do this? You’re not usually like this.”
“Yeah, I wasn’t originally like this. When did I become like this?”
A bitter smile settled on Jeon Jungkook's lips. His gaze, which had been wandering through the air, settled on me.
"I guess it's because of you. I've grown to like you enough to let go of all my pride and stand before you."
Tears fell heavily. The tears that had been pooling inside me for some time now flowed out without stopping, like a faucet turned on. Jeon Jungkook never got angry at me. That made me hate myself even more for saying such things, and I resented myself even more.
As if my legs were giving out, I collapsed onto the cold, damp rooftop floor and burst into tears. Jeon Jungkook came closer to me, hugged me tightly, and gently stroked my hair and back.
