Love me harder

It's okey

ย  ย  I was grilling beef for Eunbi.She came back from taking our drinks, I thank her and pointed out the beef I put on her plate before. Then, it fell silent and all we heard were chit chat of other tables along with the sound of the plates and cutleries clacking.

ย  ย "You okey?" Eunbi mumbled. I smiled mildly as I raise both my head and my eyebrows,"huh?"
She cleared her throat," Are you okey?you know...about Seungyoun," she repeated clearly.

ย  ย I scoffed as my smile widens,"I'm fine.." I answered before taking a big bite of my food, as I looked down and blinked my eyes continuosly trying to hold back my tears.

ย  ย "Why?you don't like him anymore, I mean he doesn't?" She asked. I flinched at her question, as I felt my heart ache stronger. I swallowed my food and shook my head,"...Seungyoun, he loves me," I replied, pointing myself with a smile,"He said he loves me this much," I continued, with my both my arms streched as I giggled after."You know what's good about it though..he lied,he didn't want to hurt my feelings...he wanted to protect me," I said as a tear roll down my face.ย 

ย  ย "Ya...you don't even drink but you're talking all this nonesense," she sighed. "Eunbi-ya, let's order more..I feel like I could eat two portions with this amount of stress," I rambled. "Yea..we should, this is what they call stress eating right? And we should by some drinks too," she responded, loudly, before ordering.

ย  ย  We ate until our stomach were about to burst, Eunbi was the only one drinking and talking. She fell silent after she said her jaw was hurting.

ย  ย  I then broke the silence,"Eunbi-ya..to tell you the truth, I saw him with that girl multiple times but I never really cared about it, I thought wah...cho y/n you must not like him that much..most people would scream at him, I must've hated him that much."
ย 
ย  I chucked,"..I guess I'm just embarassed." Eunbi placed her head on my shoulder,"because of me?" She said before falling asleep. I nodded and finish our food afterwards. I paid and send Eunbi home in a taxi.I walked home alone..as I realize my husband, Seungyoun's shoes were not in the shelves. I mean its just 11, I usually stay up until 1 am waiting for him to come back.

ย  ย I sighed and went to our room. While washing up, I heard the bed room door open and his moan as he jumped on the bed. I sat next to him after washing up. "Chagi-" I said, before he interupts me."oh you're still awake?" He then placed his head on my lap as he fell asleep.

ย  ย  "Chagiya, please-" I said, stern before stopping, so I won't burst into tears. I took a deep breath, "Chagiya, go wash up...you know I hate the smell of alcohol," I continued swiftly. As I leave the room, leaving him staring at me blankly.

ย  ย  I walked quickly, but stop in the middle of the stairs.I didn't know where to go, but I didn't want him to see me like this. I fell to the ground as I burst into tears, biting my lips so he wouldn't here me whimper. I held my chest tightly,as I felt my heart aching.

ย  ย  After some time passes, I went back to the room. I opened the door and saw him buttoning up our matching pajamas I coincedentally wore. He smiled once our eyes met, and I smelled as well, as I felt a flutter. I shook my head and walked quickly to our bed.

ย  ย  I lied down looking away from him. Then I felt him getting on the bed and moving closer to me. He wrapped his arms around me as I turned instantly without thinking about it. I hugged him tightly so he wouldn't see my face.

ย  ย  "Why are your eyes swollen? Did you cry? Did something happen just know?" He said in a sweet tone.I hugged him tighter as my tears well up. I felt him pulling me trying to loosen the grip, trying to look at my face,"y/n?" He asked once more.
I stayed silent."it's okey, if you don't wanna let go," he whispered as he pats my head.

ย  ย  I didn't want to hug him, especially in this moment but the only thing I could do was make him hate himself. Let the guilt swallow him. I could sense that he fell asleep. I was instead crying and holding him tighter.ย 

ย  ย  Who am I kidding? As much as I hated him..I missed this.. I was smiling like a fool as my tears stream down.



ย To be continued



ย  ย  ย 


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