It was weird starting the day after coming back from the bar.
Wonbin kept popping into my head.
To be exact, not Wonbin himself, but the sight of him laughing with that girl yesterday.
I’d been in a bad mood for no reason since morning.
"What is wrong with me?"
I put my bag down and sat in my seat.
Until yesterday, I’d thought it was nice to see Wonbin getting along well with his friends.
But as soon as a girl stuck by his side, my feelings suddenly changed.
While he was so awkward with me.
But laughing and talking with another girl.
The girl even looked pretty forward with Wonbin.
'You like me, you said.'
That thought came back to me again.
And then I got mad at myself right away.
'So what.'
Just because Wonbin liked me didn’t mean I had to pay attention to everything he did.
We weren’t even dating yet.
And I hadn’t even clearly said I liked him back.
Even so, I kept feeling uneasy.
*
I was resting in the department lounge with my friends when
Wonbin came into the department lounge with his friends.
Our eyes met.
Wonbin stopped for a moment.
Then he smiled cautiously, like always.
"Hello."
"...Noona."
"Yeah."
"Did you have lunch?"
"Yeah."
"What did you eat?"
"Just the cafeteria food."
"...Was it good?"
"Yeah."
Wonbin stood there for a moment.
If it had been like before, he would have asked if he could sit down.
Today, he looked around, then went back outside with his classmates.
I felt oddly disappointed.
Was it because I’d acted weird yesterday.
Or had Wonbin already given up on me too.
As soon as I thought that, my chest felt strangely tight.
*
After class ended, as I was leaving the lecture hall, someone called my name from behind.
"Noona."
It was Wonbin.
"Huh?"
"Wait a second."
I stopped walking.
Wonbin came up to me, then couldn’t say anything for a long time.
"What is it?"
"...Yesterday."
"Yesterday?"
"I saw you at the bar."
I averted my eyes for no reason.
"Yeah."
"You were there with your friends, right?"
"Yeah."
"I was there with my friends too."
"I know."
"..."
"Why?"
Wonbin hesitated for a moment, then asked.
"Are you maybe in a bad mood?"
I was taken aback for a second.
"Me?"
"Yeah."
"Why?"
"All day..."
Wonbin stopped speaking.
"Your expression has been weird whenever you look at me."
I denied it right away.
"No, I don’t."
"Then that’s a relief."
Wonbin smiled.
That smile bothered me again for no reason.
I held it in, but in the end I asked.
"But."
"Yeah."
"That girl from yesterday."
Wonbin’s expression froze.
"Who?"
"The girl who was next to you."
"...Ah."
"Are you close?"
Wonbin thought for a moment before answering.
"She’s a classmate."
"I know that."
"Just sort of close"
"Ah."
That one line made me feel a little better.
But I don’t know why I felt better.
Wonbin stared at me.
"...Why did you ask?"
"Just because."
"Really just because?"
"Yeah."
"Noona."
"What."
"You kept looking over there yesterday."
My face went hot in an instant.
"When did I."
"I saw you."
"You must’ve been mistaken."
"No."
The corners of Wonbin’s mouth lifted just a little.
"Noona kept looking."
"I wasn’t."
"You were."
"Park Wonbin."
"Yes."
"Are you teasing me right now?"
"No."
Wonbin looked like he was holding back a laugh, then soon laughed anyway.
Then he asked carefully.
"...Were you jealous?"
"Who was?"
"You, noona."
"Why would I be jealous."
"I guess so."
Wonbin nodded.
But his face didn’t look convinced at all.
I got embarrassed for no reason and started walking first.
"I’m going."
"Noona."
"What."
"I..."
Wonbin followed me, then stopped.
"Never mind."
"What is it."
"...I’ll tell you next time."
I turned around and looked at Wonbin.
"What is it?"
"Really, next time."
Wonbin didn’t say anything else.
In the end, I left campus alone.
But on the way home, that thing he’d said kept bothering me.
'Were you jealous?'
Ridiculous.
Why would I be jealous.
*
That night.
While checking my phone, I went to Wonbin’s Instagram.
His recent post had photos from the MT.
Photos taken with his friends.
Among them was the girl I’d seen at the bar yesterday.
For no reason, I turned off the screen.
Then I turned it back on again.
I looked at the picture one more time.
"Ah, seriously."
Why am I so bothered by this.
Just then, a message came in.
It was Wonbin.
Noona.
Yeah?
Are you mad today?
No.
Really?
Yeah.
Then I’m glad.
A little later, another message came.
But I’m not anything with that girl.
I stopped my fingers.
Why was he explaining that much?
Why was he telling me this?
After thinking about it for a while, I sent a reply.
I wasn’t even curious.
As soon as I sent it, I regretted it.
Did I make it too obvious?
But Wonbin’s reply came faster than I expected.
Still, I wanted to tell you.
I stared at the screen for a while.
And in the end, I laughed.
'Seriously, what is wrong with you, Park Wonbin.'
You’re still so awkward with me.
And yet you can say stuff like this so casually.
That night.
I admitted it for the first time.
Maybe what was bothering me was.
Not that Wonbin was close with another girl.
It was that I didn’t want to lose Wonbin to her.
As soon as I thought that, my heart thudded hard again.
"...Do I really like him?"
No answer came.
But now.
It was hard to pretend I didn’t know.
