Sacrifice

The last

My eyes raked through the park Jimin and I come together every day since we met each other. This was the place we had first met, without knowing how much we would mean to each other. There probably wouldn't be a single part of this park we hadn't left our impressions on. The bench we were currently seating on, was the same bench we had our first kiss, the same bench Jimin provided a comforting shoulder on when I broke down due to my family issues. It was the same bench that shared our memories, whether wonderful or troubled.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I sweeped some of his hair from the forehead. He was laying his head on my lap, eyebrows furrowed as if he was deep in thought. I wanted to, I so badly wanted to give in but he had a whole bright future ahead of him.

I continued to talk, not only breaking his heart but mine as well. "You will find someone who is more appropriate for you. It's not me. I will only let you down-"

"I already told you," he cut me down, his voice quavering a little, "I don't want fame, it's not the reason I'm being an idol for."

Jimin. I know, Jimin, I know. But think about all the opportunities you will get, ones that will get restricted if I'm in the picture.

"Fans should be there for my music, not for my personal life. And you are more than perfect for me, please don't bring yourself down, gongjunim." Gongjunim- my heart physically ached. "Princess" was something he had called me since childhood, since we best friends. And it was something he had continued to say even in our teenage years... and in Valentine's day, when we were 17, going to home from school..... when he said, "I have loved you since childhood, even when we were 7, but I think my love for you changed over the years. Now what I feel for you is not love for a best friend, but something more raw and deep than that. I know you would've already noticed that by now. And if I've not interpreted this wrong, it's the same for you."

"Gongjunim, my gongjunim, I love you. Will you be my girlfriend?"

Of course I had said yes. I had said I loved him too. I'd wrapped my legs around his waist as he pulled me up... and we had continued our way back to home, me hanging off him like a koala.

But right now, there wasn't any space for I love you's, hugs. The less feelings, the less this would hurt.

"I'm sorry," I said, trying to stop the tears streaming down my face but unsuccessful, little droplets hitting Jimin's cheeks, while I was doing my best to look anywhere but him. 

"Please, please don't do this." He begged, holding himself up, trying to catch my eyes, his own glossy and pleading.

I bit my lips, trying to catch myself from crying out loud. "We-we're done. We can still be friends. We will always be each other's first love, but you should move on. You will be able to find people more perfect for you. You'll be the perfect idol. Jimin, fulfil your dreams."

I gently removed his head from my lap, brushing a hand through his hair for the last time, his hair soft and fluffy beneathe my fingers. He sat up while I stood up, wiping my tears away harshly, brazen hair swept by the sudden wind, some of them sticking to the wet parts of my cheeks. I looked at him. His tear-streaked face; his out-stretched hands; his eyes which looks the prettiest when he smiles, now red and swollen- his eyes which were saying,

"Please don't leave me."

My heart clenched, but I turned around the left the park alone, without holding my hands with Jimin, us whispering sweet nothings to each other and giggling, for the first time.