For you, from me
Tears flowed without stopping
He put a cutter knife to his neck, then pulled it out.
Put it in, take it out.
After shedding tears like that for a long time
He repeated the act.
It's just so hard
I wanted to hurt my body.
I didn't have the courage to jump
That doesn't mean there's no other way.
It just kept harming my body.
One day, he even strangled me
One day, I stabbed my arm with a cutter knife.
Suddenly, I had a seizure and threw the pills scattered on my desk.
I've even fallen asleep swallowing everything and woke up vomiting.
It was just my choice,
It was my clear will, but
That will did not reach the end.
I hated myself for being like this,
I was annoyed and wanted to hurt myself.
Because I'm so used to such behavior
I just kept doing harm like that.
Someone would rather be seriously injured and hospitalized
I wish they would take out the oxygen supply,
Someone rather
I wish you would push me off the roof.
Just like that, day by day
Far from having the will to help those in need,
The thought of wanting to die just kept growing.
I was laughing but I was crying
I pretended to be cheerful, but my sad thoughts only increased.
I said I would help people who are having a hard time
Even I couldn't help.
Because I always live in that same repetitive, boring pattern
I started waiting for the end,
The people who were facing me
One by one, they were passing me by.
In the end, I sat down and cried for a long time.
Even the remaining people turned away.
I didn't want to let go, but
I didn't want to look shabby, but
I didn't want to be depressed, but
I didn't want to be alone,
I didn't want to lose those people, but
at last..
I let it go.
It became shabby.
It made me depressed.
I became alone.
Those people,, were lost.
So I did it again
I went back to the roots of my life.
So I did it again
I just kept struggling and fell into a swamp of despair.