I was afraid of people. More specifically, I was afraid of people abandoning me and leaving me behind. I was afraid of becoming someone to be discarded as if I were nothing, so I deliberately created a thorn in my side and kept a close watch on people. That's how I ended up alone. I became a friendless loner, the outcast of my class. But I also hated being alone. I was so scared of always being alone, as if it were natural, and so lonely that I decided to hide my true self and live each day acting like a fake. The person people wanted me to be, the person they wanted me to be...
So I started acting like I was good at studying, always smiling, and caring. Because of that, many people fell in love with me. But the person they loved wasn't the real me. It was just a fake version of myself I'd created. But I'm content with this situation. Because I'm not alone. Because people love me even if I'm not the real me. And because I'm finally receiving love from the people I've always longed for...
"What? Did you fight with your classmates again? What do you plan on becoming when you grow up? It's my fault, it's my fault, it's my fault for raising you like this."
"No, Mom, they were the ones who cursed at me first..."
"They would have just cursed you first, right? Looking back, it's probably your fault too. And you don't have any friends because you don't approach them first. You should have approached them a little and smiled brightly..."
Again. Instead of always protecting me, my mother would protect those who cursed and hit me, always telling me to change and treating me like I was the only one with problems. But what was harder than that was my mother, who regretted and denied giving birth to me and raising me, as if giving birth to me and raising me were wrong in the first place. Whenever my father saw me, he would glare at me as if he didn't want to see me, click his tongue, and walk away. They were always like that...
But now...
"Jihoon, is there anything you want to eat? Mom will make you anything."
"No, Mom, let's just eat rice and the side dishes we have at home."
"No, no, my son, this time he said he'd eat all the food except one, so I'm going to give him everything he wants. Should we go out to eat for the first time in a while?"
My mother, who had always been filled with worry and concern whenever she saw me, now wore a smile. And now, whenever my father did well on a test, he would put a generous envelope of allowance on my desk. Now, the family, who would have been happy without me, became incredibly harmonious thanks to me. Of course, studying was hard. I studied day and night to fulfill those high expectations. It was hard work, but it wasn't as hard as the days when I would listen to my mother and wonder if I was truly useless and if I should just die, contemplating suicide dozens of times, only to berate myself for lacking the courage to do so. And now, the kids who whispered behind my back, the kids who cursed and hit me...
"Jihoon, I didn't do my homework, so show me~"
"No. I go first."
"Let's watch it together happily"
"Jihoon, thank you so much. You seem like a really kind person."
"Hey, Lee Ji-hoon, let's play!"
"Okay, I'll go."
They wanted to get to know me, asking me to show them my homework or ask me to play with them. Every time they did, I faked a smile and greeted them. Then one day, a transfer student came to our school. And the moment I saw him, I knew who he was.
"Hello, my name is Kwon Soon-young. Let's be friends."
You are in the same category as me....
The kind of person who always fakes a smile and acts out a false life. I felt a kinship with that transfer student, so I approached him first and said hello.
"Hello, my name is Lee Ji-hoon."
"Hello Jihoon"
You faked a smile and shook my hand, which I extended with a fake smile. Before we knew it, we had become close and even developed feelings for each other. In fact, I think it was because you were so similar to me that I became curious and developed feelings for you.
And when I realized that I had feelings for you and that I liked you, I confessed to you. There was no particular reason. I just didn't want to let you go and I liked you, so I confessed to you.
"Su-nyeong, I like you. Do you want to go out with me?"
"Okay. I like you too. Let's date."
You accepted my confession with your signature eye smile. That's how we started dating, and on the outside, we seemed like an ordinary couple. But we never showed each other our true selves. Soonyoung never showed her true self, and I didn't feel the need to show that ugly me either. But as I started dating you, I started to wonder if our relationship was real. Do I truly love your true self, or do I love the fake version of you that you've made up? And do you love the real me, or the fake version of me that I've made up? Is our relationship real? I'm starting to get more and more confused. But I can't help but date you with those questions in mind. Because I like you...
You too, I guess......