If it really ended badly, you wouldn't be able to say anything. From the beginning, the fact that he keeps talking about his ex as a side dish and chewing every word is all based on affection. He was really handsome, he treated me really well back then, he clearly promised to spend the rest of his life with me, and so on. Listening to the bitter drunken rant of his classmate, Kim Yeo-ju feels like her already empty head has been vacuumed once again. Aren't you curious? I didn't ask. It's petty and apologetic to say this to a friend who's sitting across from her and crying, but that's exactly how Yeo-ju feels. Drinking is good, right, but why do I have to bear the burden of other people's aftereffects of a breakup?
"If I call now... Ugh. Will Youngmin pick up?"
"No, no. Put it down."
That's an absolutely unacceptable repertoire. He seemed to be sneaking his phone out of his pocket, so I lightly tapped his hand. My friend's face turned sour. "Bitter medicine is good for the body. You'll definitely be grateful for me today," the female protagonist said, her expression somewhat haughty. She patted her sobbing back. "There are better men than Youngman. Just look at that table over there."
"He's Youngmin..."
"··· Oh, yeah, Youngmin."
A brief silence followed the timid correction.
Anyway, the female protagonist cautions against being squeamish. It was meant to be a lifelong relationship, and it didn't end like that. Even if you stay up all night and cry for days, the guy who left won't know anything. And if someone who doesn't even drink is swilling enough to make you vomit, it proves how damaging lingering feelings can be. It's a defeat, emotionally and physically. So the reason I forgot Kim Seokjin...
"··· Miss, I just remembered something again."
Cancel. I still haven't forgotten. Anyway, I plan to forget. Whenever I repeat the three letters of Kim's name, the stress resurfaces intermittently, which is why Yeoju's glass, which was almost completely filled, was empty. The person sitting in front of me was singing on the phone, then, as if reaching his limit, he collapsed on the table and snored.
Sigh. With the sound of snoring as the background music, I took a deep breath. Phew. The exhaled air carried the faint scent of soju and the excuse. It's not that I couldn't do it. It's that I didn't do it. Hiding behind self-rationalization makes me feel so comfortable. It's so comfortable... It just makes people a little petty. There's a clear contradiction in giving all the cool advice in the world, but the person involved is this mess. The female protagonist is truly the cool girl of this era! If the countless victims of her refreshing words knew, they would beat the ground and be shocked. It's a scam.
"······."
So, Kim Yeo-ju thought she had been punished for something. When she saw Kim Seok-jin sitting in front of her.
To be exact, I saw Kim Seok-jin again at a blind date.
The aesthetics of reunion
"why."
"what."
"Why are you looking at me?"
"It's a problem to keep looking at it. Okay, I won't look."
"······."
Curse the organizer. Is it some kind of bullshit case that your ex-boyfriend is there when you leave to try to forget about him? There was a reason why I kept the other person's name under wraps and only revealed that he was a Hwayang University student. Dongdong is a bastard. If I meet you, I will burn your whole body. The female lead did not even try to alleviate her unpleasant feelings, but rather spewed them out loud. Kim Seok-jin, sitting right across the table, generously takes a bite of the cheesecake even though he is getting a very low price. There was a time when those plump, plump lips looked so pretty. It's all a thing of the past.
Kim Yeo-ju ponders why Seok-jin, who had been so quiet for nearly a year, had only just appeared before her now. Coincidence? No. That bastard is too calm for a coincidence. It's as if he knew all along. Then was it on purpose? What benefit would Kim Seok-jin gain from meeting her? It would be a terrible experience for both of us. Only then does Yeo-ju realize, uncrossing her legs, that she's about to unravel.
"You came out to annoy me? To make me feel bad."
"You have severe delusions."
"That's what I'm saying."
"I was scammed too. I thought it couldn't be Kim Yeo-ju just because she was a French major."
Seokjin glances at Yeoju.
"I don't know when I last did it."
"······."
"Hey, what do you mean by that?" Just as Seokjin said, the female lead, who had applied for a transfer last year, snapped angrily. "I'm angry because I feel like you're treating me like I lack perseverance." "I don't like you either. It's annoying. If I'd known you were the kind of person Kim Seokjin would be here, I would've stood you up right now!" Seokjin stared at her silently, then put down the fork he'd been putting the cake in his mouth. "Okay. If you don't like it, go first." With that, I began sipping the Americano on the table, almost like a sage, but for some reason, her will to storm off and leave had drastically diminished. The female lead thought to herself. "A bit... infuriating?" Even when they were dating, their feuds were horribly intense. He'd never give in until one of them cried, even if it was his beloved lover. So I know. Telling him to go first meant telling him to get out if he gets nervous. Unable to lose, Kim Yeo-ju glared.
"I'm not going."
"Aren't you going?"
"Why should I go?"
"Then don't go."
Ah. Right. Those two people, with their pride skyrocketing, naturally went on straight dates. They were absorbed in drinking drinks under the guise of greetings at a cafe, and at the urging of Kim Seok-jin, who was needlessly thorough in his preparations, they went to a pasta restaurant, a holy land for Instagram people. With each bite of cream pasta there, the woman seriously wondered why she was continuing this shitty meeting, but the food was so delicious that the thought only lasted three seconds. She was excellent at choosing food. When we were dating, we went to all the famous restaurants... Ah, again. She was thirsty, so she chugged down the cola next to her. It was clear that she was going to fill her stomach to the brim today. Seok-jin, sitting across from her, seemed to be either not awkward at all or was desperately trying to pretend, but he kept tugging at the end of the conversation that the other person was desperately trying to end, forcing it to continue.
"Isn't the weather cold these days?"
"no."
"You can't feel it because you're dull. Dress warmly."
"uh."
"I didn't know you'd gotten a haircut. I haven't seen you around school much lately. We might have even shared a classroom, right?"
"······."
Kim Seok-jin, this bastard... is he planning to kill me? While we're having a proper chat about recent events. The female protagonist, blindly poking the bacon on her pasta, harasses her. It's no wonder we haven't met. I've been avoiding her. At some point, it became a habit to turn around and back away when I see the back of her familiar head. If we do run into each other, it'll be embarrassing again, and there's no reason to make things awkward by buying it, and more than anything, someone who's still in the middle of practicing the semi-forced chastity lifestyle because they haven't gotten over it yet, and the sight of him surrounded by his female classmates laughing and laughing brought out a double curse boiling inside of me. It wasn't even jealousy. Just a loss of will.
"Aren't you eating?"
"hey."
"huh."
The female protagonist asks sincerely, stopping eating. She is curious.
"Why are you really like that?"
"What are you doing?"
"You really don't know?"
"huh."
"Ha, that's enough."
No matter how much I look at him, it's not a show of ignorance, it's really disheartening. Talking about it is useless. Seokjin is naturally kind, shameless, and affectionate, so worrying about things like dressing warmly in front of an ex-lover is nothing. The bare minimum of courtesy. It's weird if your heart flutters because of that, and it's only natural that the female protagonist feels miserable for a moment because of that. Seokjin doesn't react much, regardless of whether she's alone and suffering or not, and just thrusts a tissue in front of her eyes. He taps the right corner of her mouth and says, "What's there?" Only then does the female protagonist break from her thoughts and flinch, accepting it. It's embarrassing. In so many ways.
"Want a drink?"
"Are you really crazy?"
"There's no class tomorrow."
"I don't have any... No, how do you know my schedule?"
Seokjin, who had just opened the door to the pasta restaurant, crumpled up the card I'd paid with and put it in his wallet. I just assumed it would be like that. Why? He was the one acting suspiciously, yet he was acting so primly, which was strangely annoying. Lacking the energy to argue, Yeoju nodded silently. Alcohol, alcohol. She glanced up at the setting sun and thought back to how long it had been since Kim Seokjin and she had shared a drink together. It had been quite some time. She stared blankly at Seokjin, who was walking alongside her. Does he really have no thoughts? Not an insult, but a literal one. No matter how dull a person is, he couldn't be so indifferent in the face of someone who had a bad ending. It was like meeting a neighborhood friend. The conversation continued intermittently until she lifted her hand to the plastic door of the food stall in front of the campus playground. A few minutes later, a soju glass clattered onto a table on the street.
"It's terrible."
Then Kim Seok-jin tilted his head.
"Alcohol?"
"No, you."
"You're drunk."
"······."
"Kim Yeo-ju?"
"Do you really want to go this far?"
Seokjin poured himself some soju and questioned, "Oh my?" What are you talking about? You've known all along, but you're deliberately pretending not to know... The female protagonist glared at him fiercely. When he lowered his head, his bangs completely obscured his eyes. "Ugh... This is annoying." He must have been drunk already, because his words were flowing out without a filter. This wasn't intentional. Seriously, it was the alcohol.
"Honestly, are you bored because your fancy girlfriends don't play with you? That's why you play with me, an easy girl?"
"What? What are you talking about all of a sudden..."
Kim Seokjin panicked when I unleashed my sorrowful emotions without any signal. The guy who had always been indifferent blinked his eyes, not knowing what to do. That sight made him even more angry. It felt like I was the only one who was going through this. All the emotional suffering was mine alone.
"Ah, that's enough. I ate, drank, and had fun today. That's it. That's enough."
"······."
"You didn't know, but I'm trying really hard to forget you. It's almost the end, so no matter how much you keep poking, nothing will come of it. I won't hold onto you like that."
"······."
"seokjin kim."
On the topic of caustic remarks, I half-weep.
"I'm really... trying my best to forget you."
Sniffle. Even though she spoke so frankly, the corners of her eyes began to sting. It was inevitable. Yeo-ju was so shocked by what she said that she was actually the one who was crying. Perhaps because of that, the tears that were threatening to come quickly disappeared. Seok-jin, on the other hand, remained motionless in his spot. Even the soju bottle he was holding was frozen in midair, so if it weren't for the busily moving waitress next to him, he would have thought the world had stopped. Kim Yeo-ju jumped up from her seat. She took 50,000 won from her wallet, more than enough to pay for the drinks, and slammed her chin on the table. I'll go. He hurried towards the entrance, his movements almost like running away from someone who had just squandered everything. He hadn't even had a few drinks, but his cheeks were on the verge of bursting.
"Ah... what am I doing?"
I'm so embarrassed. I'm so embarrassed that I want to hide.
"ha······."
I came out of the food stall and slumped down in the alley right next to it. Disgraceful, disgraceful. Grabbing my trouser leg, begging to see me again, wasn't the only act of indecency. What did Kim Seokjin do so wrong that I snapped at him so fiercely... Even as I leaned against the alley wall, regret crept in. Honestly, I'd been squealing and irritating all day, trying not to show how much I missed him. But I was even more pissed because he accepted it all, acting like a great man. It felt like I was the one playing the foolish, crippled role. This was all fact, and that's why I was so fucking angry. The female protagonist lifted her arm from her knee and slapped me in the face. Get a grip! Stop being drunk and go home! The moment I received a strong blow, my eyes snapped open. "Oh, it hurts..." I groaned and jumped to my feet, my face redder than before.
"······."
"··· you?"
Kim Seokjin? Why is he here?
No... Since when? Did I ever say anything out loud? If I did, did you hear it all? If you heard it all? How am I supposed to live if I'm sold? Wow, Kim Yeo-ju, you might as well just die. That was the thought process that went on for barely a second, spinning in a state of unwavering tension. And then, abruptly, it was cut off.
Hug me.
Kim Seok-jin, hug Kim Yeo-ju tightly.
"If you don't like it, curse."
"······."
"You can slap me and leave."
"······."
"I think I'm a little... a little crazy right now."
Kim Yeo-ju was embarrassed at first. Then, dumbfounded at second. What would she do if I really hit her? What kind of confidence is that? Contrary to her words, her actions were always calm. A ray of streetlight, peeking through the gap, shone brightly. A man and a woman were quietly embracing each other in an alley. The man spoke.
"I found out. It was a blind date. Dong-seok happened to introduce you to him. He didn't even know we were dating."
"··· You, you, right?! You knew it!"
"huh."
Miss Dongdong, you little brat! He grabs the female protagonist's shoulder and briefly drops her. Their eyes, facing each other, are red. Embarrassed.
"I don't have any other feelings. I just..."
"······."
"I just wanted to see you. I wanted to have a meal together with you."
"······."
"Honestly, I'm greedy for alcohol."
The more I looked at him, the more I wanted to be with him. Sorry if it was ugly. Yeo-ju knew Seok-jin had a rare kind heart, but she didn't know he was such a serious person. The harm of one-sidedness. Seok-jin was not that cool, and there was a petty other side to him. That was comforting. Yeo-ju stood there like a stone with a blank expression. Kim Seok-jin hugged her again. How many times did he have to hug her? Even as she grumbled inwardly, her nose felt tingly for some reason.
"I didn't even contact you because I was afraid you might hate me..."
"Uh... what?"
"You hate being sloppy. No, all women are like that. They really hate it when people ask if you're sleeping at dawn."
"······."
Then... this is the reason why there wasn't a single contact? Ah, this was it. The female lead is quite shocked. As someone who had never intended to, but was constantly seeing Kim Seok-jin's back, I thought he was personally practicing the phrase, 'I'm so happy without you,' because he kept posting on Instagram without me, kept changing his profile picture, and even had a good complexion. Since we broke up, I've gotten into the habit of checking the sender ID first every time a notification goes off. I'm angry, but it's a situation where I shouldn't be angry. You could define it as a disaster caused by ignorant consideration. And it's not that I hate it, so I'm throwing a tantrum again.
"···Who taught you that?"
Seokjin flinched.
"Female classmates..."
I was so shocked. I heard a pop.
"Did you date them or me?"
"I first started talking to you because of you. I can't ask you directly, Yeoju..."
"··· That's true."
I'm strangely persuaded. It's logical. And as I listen quietly, I find it cute how his words keep trailing off. It's endearing when he's slightly drunk. As I drift through the stream of consciousness, the female protagonist begins to wonder if he's truly gone mad. Kim Yeo-ju is the one who quietly holds him and then pulls him away. He grabs his broad shoulders and yanks him backward, and the one caught looks like he's about to burst into tears.
"Hey, why are you crying?"
"I didn't cry."
"I feel like I'm going to cry if you hit me."
"Even if you hit me, I don't cry."
Wow, stubborn. Kim Yeo-ju, secretly feeling a competitive spirit, raised her brow.
"really?"
"··· huh."
"okay."
And then I kissed her. I mean, I just pecked her on the lips. She was insisting I wouldn't cry. I wanted to give her a hard time because she didn't want to give in until the very end.
"······."
But when I opened my mouth, tears started to fall.
"What, what is it? Are you crying?!"
Unexpectedly, she cried. According to the person involved, the reason was because she was deeply moved. After that, all serious conversations between them were cut off, and Yeo-ju devoted herself solely to comforting Kim Seok-jin. They hugged him tightly and patted his back. Honestly, judging by his size, it was definitely Yeo-ju who gave the hug. The two reunited like that in an alley for a long time.
We met again.