I didn't know what to do with her. Baby was beautiful. She wants something from me, but she doesn't need my love. That girl loved herself enough to accept that I could leave her at any time. She is kind and sweet, and she doesn't allow me to have her in my hands enough to have any control over her or her future.
She's in my bed, feeling safe with me, a man who can convince her to share something valuable, something a woman remembers for the rest of her life; it was up to me to make the right decision.
I wanted to wait and tell Baby first that I loved her, I want to see her beg me to touch her, I wish I could do better, I want to be the worst... to see if she loves that side of me too.
I was afraid to move and hurt myself because I took off the sling. My terrorist didn't want to stop me either, because maybe he'd never try to make me his again. I can see it... how nervous she is, and how much she wants to feel that way again, like we did before.
She took off her sweater, her pink lips catching my eye. I carefully crumpled her shirt as I lifted it, just enough to see her navel, and licked my lips while I decided what to do next.
I told her to give me more space and placed a knee between her legs, finding a position we were both comfortable in before touching her skin. On her belly, I was tracing with my finger until I saw her grab the bedspread to stay still. I shouldn't be doing any of this, so I covered her again and moved to the edge of the bed.
Frustrated, I reached for the sling once more and tried to put it on, but my thoughts were elsewhere. Baby helped me; I didn't want to see her face. I knew perfectly well that I had hurt her feelings... I'm definitely going to be cursed for the rest of my life.
She sat behind me, I could see her legs, one on each side of mine, Baby hugged my waist but not squeezing or touching me too much.
- I'm sorry Baby, I know I'm being unfair to you, I'll understand if you hate me, I told you I'm not good enough to keep being called a man... why don't you just give up on me? - she didn't say anything, she just stood there listening to what I said.
After a long silence, Baby decided to move. She got out of bed and I saw her searching in her purse. She was trying to take something out; it was a ring, a simple ring, one of those that children buy because they change color depending on the temperature of their hands.
- Once I liked someone so much that I wanted him by my side, he wanted... - she paused to pat the bed because he desired her.
- After thinking about it a lot, it was the only option she left me to save our relationship... I decided to go to her house. I ran into a vendor on the street on the way and chose this ring even though he told me it was defective, but I bought it anyway. When I got to her house, I saw a couple. They were my friends, being a little closer than just friends. They were heading to my boyfriend's house, and that's how I found out what they were doing behind my back... The ring turned blue that day, but I didn't want to wear it again. - I listened to the story, feeling even more miserable for hurting her again because Baby had already decided... she chose me.
- Baby... I know it's my fault but I don't like this either...- she shows me the ring, she wears it on her thumb because it's too big and it was completely black, she moved her hand to my chest and the ring immediately turned red.
When he moved his hand, it turned black again. He took off the ring and put it on me; it was still black. He took my hand and, placing it on his heart, it turned red again.
- Yoongi, I just want you to realize... I'm always on your side, remember you haven't done anything wrong... and I thank you for that - Baby stood up and went into the bathroom.
We couldn't go out; it was lunchtime when someone arrived at the house. My mother asked if we had ordered lunch yet and was happy to arrive in time to cook a new recipe for us.
Baby finished her bath and immediately started helping. They were talking to each other, while I watched them happily moving around, learning from one another. In the afternoon, they took us to a house closer to where Taehyung's family lives because there are houses surrounded by nature, which allows us to go for walks.
Baby is trying to give me time for myself so she said she'll take care of her luggage later. The young woman took her camera and went outside to walk around and take pictures. I liked being able to see her from the window. Hoseok was calling me and I answered.
I was alone so I didn't bother checking if they could hear me; he was in his room while Jimin had gone to shower, so Hobi asked me about Baby and how it had been bringing her to meet my parents.
I told him everything and he was surprised by what happened. I started crying when he said the girl must feel insignificant, that she wasn't good enough for me, because we didn't go so far as to think about it and stop everything, not if the woman willingly wants to be with the man in front of her.
Hoseok also told me that he doesn't know Baby well enough to believe she'll forget everything or let me be like this, so easily. I don't want to know the answer to that; Hoseok doesn't know all the confidences she's shared with me, only the words she said about me not having made a bad decision.
After talking about it, he suggests that I observe her and not reject her if she tries to approach him again, because if I didn't like her... I'm always the first to feel uncomfortable when I don't like someone.
I washed my face and the guard came to tell me I'd go get some food now; I have an appointment tomorrow around noon to have half my stitches removed. Baby came back, greeting us both, and asked how to turn on the heating because it was freezing outside. She wanted curry rice for dinner tonight.
The girl went to her room and came back wearing something more comfortable, checking to see if we had an internet connection.
Baby noticed me staring and buttoned up her top to avoid showing too much skin. Then she turned on the TV and found some cartoons entertaining enough to keep her focused. Baby occasionally used her phone. Curious, I tried to guess the meaning of some words, but she wasn't satisfied because most of the time she didn't know how to spell them correctly. So she turned on the subtitles, but she felt even more confused because her reading and writing skills were very limited compared to her speaking experience.
I had already noticed that he tries to speak correctly all the time, though of course he sometimes asks for help to understand, since he didn't learn our language properly. After having enough of not understanding everything, he decided to find something to write with and his laptop. He opened an online dictionary and started copying the first word, looking up its pronunciation and repeating it before searching for examples to use it correctly. He continued his search for new words he wanted to learn, like washing machine cycles, the different types of the same thing like lenses and crystals, and he also looked up food ingredients and how to prepare a recipe... he must be hungry, because that's why he ended up looking up food names.
After dinner we returned to our rooms. The guard was in a small room on the main floor, and we had our rooms upstairs. I have the one with a private bathroom, and she has one with large windows and minimal furniture. My room has everything I need: a desk for working, a TV, an armchair under the window, and a large bed.
I try to sleep, but every noise in this place makes me open my eyes. I started hearing a constant noise and got up to see where it was coming from. There was a light under the bathroom door, so I went over to see if Baby was inside. Of course, the sounds she was making in there weren't pleasant; her curry probably hadn't been a good choice for her. I knocked firmly and asked if she needed help.
She told me to wait and I listened to her flush the toilet and wash her mouth and probably her face. Baby opened the door and was only wearing that short t-shirt and her underwear underneath. She told me that her bed smelled bad and she thought it was the sheets, but after a while using some she had smelled to make sure they were clean, she felt the stench return and started looking for where the smell was coming from. Determined to find the reason, she lifted the mattress and discovered something that looked like trash trapped between the bed frame and the mattress; it was probably food that the previous owner had forgotten or something like that.
I took her hand and led her to my room. Baby seemed confused about my actions, but she followed me inside as I wanted. The bed was big enough for us to be separated.
Baby tried to get comfortable but ended up sitting on the edge. I asked her what was wrong, and she said she still felt dizzy and nauseous because she couldn't get the smell out of her head, and that she'd tried to sleep on top of that filth. I looked in my room and told her to open a backpack in the corner. I had my used clothes in there, the ones I wore to the hospital, and the t-shirt should be clean enough and still have the scent of my perfume on it, which would be better than nothing.
I didn't have to tell her twice for her to find it, and she turned around to take off her own clothes and put on mine, which was big enough to cover her body much better than before. Baby liked the smell and went back to bed; this time she fell asleep easily. I looked at her and she looked so cute having a proper place to sleep. I went over and pulled her close to hug her; she was warm and soft. She hugged me, burying her nose in my neck.
I was afraid of hurting her. I wish things could stay like this all the time, but if I open my heart to her, Baby could easily break it... I don't want to experience the pain of ending another relationship because of my passion for music and all the time I spend with the guys, instead of with my family and lovers.
