I opened my eyes in the middle of the night. I was alone in my room and looked around in the darkness. My door was open so I could call for help if I needed it. I sat there looking at how she had arranged her things; it looked tidy, not a mess.
I was out of water; the bottle next to my bed had been empty since the last time I was here. I decided to go get some. I turned on the small lamp on my nightstand to see a little better as I walked around the apartment barefoot and in my underwear, because that's how I decided to sleep. I got some water and noticed movement on the sofa.
Baby was putting up with her pajamas; she wasn't comfortable wearing bottoms to sleep, but she probably didn't want to be half-naked when everyone woke up. I walked over and stood there watching her closely... her nightgown was twisted up from all the moving. Baby's body is a work of art. She doesn't have that spaghetti-thin body like most of the dancers I've seen because they want to be the thinnest so they'll get cast in music videos. Baby has beautiful curves; her muscles are toned, but she looks soft, like when we stop exercising regularly, and she's slim enough to wear the smallest size of all the dresses she had to wear a few days ago.
I had a bad thought while staring at her skin and figure; she'll hit me if I ask her to show me what I'm dying to see... Since when am I a pervert? But the truth is, I haven't missed a single opportunity to kiss her every day lately, ever since that first time.
She happily accepted my advances and kisses, but never showed any interest in anything more. She also felt comfortable sleeping with me, and I'm sure my actions affected her enough for both of us to realize we're playing with fire.
Does she like me? Or did she just like the game? The guys already told me to make her my girlfriend, but having to do it in secret is a problem we all learned the hard way. Women can't stand it for long, that and being apart most of the time.
Hearing rumors just from looking at someone for a moment or from talking to other artists. My concern was that their previous relationships hadn't been as serious as what I'm looking for; I want to find *the woman*, not just anyone... because I already suffered trying to be the kind of man they wanted to be with.
My mother has never liked the girls I've been with, or at least the ones she knew. Thinking about it, I don't think any of them would have come and slept on the sofa like an idiot, but Baby insisted on not sharing my bed... it would be disrespectful to my family.
She would tell me if I was being too capricious and selfish, but it doesn't make me feel bad, as if I had done something unforgivable, enough to make me fight over my actions.
I feel like most of my family already loved her down-to-earth personality. My brother was being an idiot to her, probably because he thought she was after my money and fame, but that will change when I get to know her better.
I think Baby doesn't like him very much, because she notices every little thing he does; my brother doesn't like women who are all over me. He'd met them all, or almost all, because he visits Seoul frequently for work, and some were really opportunistic. When he told me his point of view, I finally realized the lies they were making me believe.
There's also a good chance she'll become popular and famous like me. I always try not to focus on those kinds of girls because it's hard enough without having to deal with even more fans. Baby knows the price of fame; she sees us go through so many requirements just to go out for the day and how we feel about not being able to socialize normally.
It bothered me when they told me to try and win her over because I can't make up my mind, because I don't want another failure. However, she wasn't as willing to let herself go as she usually is, and Jimin and Hoseok think she's especially cold towards them. Even the backup dancers commented on how difficult it was to approach her.
I can understand her need to protect herself; she has a good instinct for gauging a person's character after a brief interaction or by how others treat her. I also wouldn't want someone else to fall for her; at least, I knew my friends weren't unpleasant to women.
I looked at her again and couldn't resist, sliding a finger from her belly up towards her chest, but she grabbed it before she could open her eyes when she noticed someone touching her while she slept.
"Jesus... you scared me half to death... can't you sleep? Are you in pain?" he said as he sat down with some effort.
"No, I saw you here and I really, really want to touch you," she took her time to understand my words before telling me it was okay. She patted the sofa and I did it, I moved and she sat on my knees with enough space between us while she supported herself in an upright position using the top of the seat with her arms on either side of my head.
- Go ahead and be brief, we shouldn't be doing any of this here - I was confused, asking her questions to find out why she was allowing it, but she leaned close to my ear *please touch me Yoongi*
I think it's the most exciting thing that's ever happened to me. Tormented because I only had one free hand, I decided to touch her through her clothes. She got nervous when I placed my hand on her chest, massaging it a little to move down so she could feel my whole hand. She moved, putting her hands back on my knees and standing up straighter, giving me a good view of what I was doing. I let my thumb go dangerously low before moving my hand back up to massage the other side and continuing up until I grabbed her neck so I could pull her closer and bring her face closer.
Her heart was beating fast when I bit her lower lip to let me into her mouth. I didn't mean to be nice or for her to think I had good intentions. Then she tensed up and I felt her start to tremble, but not like when she was scared seeing my brother's driving.
I decided to stop kissing her to look at Baby. The lower part of her body made a movement and I realized what happened to her. As soon as I loosened my grip, she scurried away to sit on the floor out of my reach and hide her face from me.
The girl was very sensitive; I can say that she didn't expect it. She had been brave enough to let me touch her. I tried to make her aware of my bad habits, and she reacted contrary to how I imagined. I thought she wasn't willing to give herself to anyone because she hadn't done it yet... I thought I would scare her enough to make her reject me when I tried to seduce her, that it would be like a game so I wouldn't have to say that I liked her.
I took the blanket and gave it to her; she accepted it, covering herself with it, still without looking at me. I tried to put my arm around her, but I don't think it will help her feel better.
"Thank you," was all I could manage to say with everything going through my mind, about her and about me right now.
"You must think I'm like a child, because I overreact to you." I didn't know how to respond to that, so I asked her to look at me.
Her nose was red and she'll probably start crying any minute now.
"I'm generally not sensitive... I mean, there are guys, especially dancers, who always manage to touch girls... the way you did it felt very different, and I didn't mind or think it was dirty that you did it... I... I liked all of it," she said, moving her face to wipe away a small tear that escaped without permission, so she would be less embarrassed to confront me.
I felt like someone was setting me on fire from the inside. Yes, they told me I was good in bed, but it never seemed true to me, just sweet words to keep their lover a little longer. I realized it; it was obvious she had enjoyed it, because they went too far with her, not enough to make her cry for help, but she knew when something was wrong.
I felt a sudden wave of jealousy and was furious because I couldn't stop it. Knowing she's hanging out with that kind of scum and I can't prevent it from happening again. Sometimes just thinking about it makes me want to possess her, to hide her from all danger and be the only one who knows her talent and true personality... of course I know that's not what you should do with your partner, but it's my brain's way of telling me to protect her and seek her approval.
I was lost in thought, not paying attention when she decided to bring me back to my room. She was about to turn and leave, leaving me with my thoughts, when I snapped back to reality and stopped her, leaning in to kiss the back of her neck. She tried not to melt, her skin prickled all over. I couldn't help but react, determined to win her over... to have a relationship with her.
"I don't want to hurt you... I'm not a nice person most of the time, it's not that I do it on purpose... it's because I don't want to change many things about myself," I said. She looked at me and studied me carefully before answering.
"I'm scared of myself and what I'll be capable of doing for the person I end up falling in love with." I thought it was a very specific fear; I wanted to know more, but my parents' alarm went off in her room, so in a few minutes, her daily routine began.
I kissed her nose before letting her go. I decided to get dressed too, because even if I went back to bed I wouldn't be able to sleep thinking about her and her words. I looked at myself in the mirror and tried to look better than these days when I was only worried about my injury.
I didn't rush to get ready and found my parents standing in the middle of the room without saying or doing anything. I looked in the same direction as them, watching Baby do some exercises to the melody of a piano that was coming, at low volume, from her phone. I recognized the song; it was the same one she used for her warm-ups, but in the hospital she didn't even have the opportunity to do it because the nurses came every so often to visit me more than necessary.
She was using the handrail we installed so my grandmother could move around the house safely because she wasn't as strong as she used to be. She had changed out of her pajamas, and the top was the one she wore under the other clothes she had on yesterday. No one would notice that someone had slept here because of how tidy it looked if it weren't for the sheets and pillow on the sofa, perfectly folded.
She has a flexible body; her legs can easily draw the 6 o'clock position. She stretched for a few minutes before realizing we were impressed, and greeted us with a bright smile.
Baby got dressed before convincing the other women in my family to at least let her help. They made some eggs and explained what they would do with the leftovers from our dinner; it seemed like a small amount, but with a few more ingredients, it made a good breakfast.
She seemed very interested in how my family cooks, asking a lot of questions, and my parents enjoyed the lively conversation in the kitchen. My father and I were trying to share the newspaper since they had forgotten about us and decided to have breakfast at the kitchen island.
My brother arrived in time to have breakfast with everyone; he came with his girlfriend. He made the introductions, and Baby was very attentive, treating her in a friendly and kind manner.
Her alarm went off, and she told me it was time for my medication and painkillers. I went to my room and brought the paper bag I'd left there so someone could help me take it out of the wrapper. The food was delicious, and I ate a lot. I didn't try to get her to feed me today, but I only ate my favorites from everything they cooked.
She enjoyed the tea that my mother chose for her to try; I don't know how she's able to drink it all so hot without burning her mouth, as the cup was still steaming after she finished it.
The young women cleaned while chatting about their nails and clothes, typical topics of conversation that girls find easy to discuss while hanging out together.
Some had to leave the house for work and other activities. My brother's girlfriend came to go to the market with my mother and drive my grandmother to visit a friend. They left us alone because the security guard was sorting out our stay. We played with Holly, my pet, who was at my brother's house because his girlfriend has plenty of time to take care of the beloved dog.
Baby was pulling on the toy to make the little animal play with her by pulling on the other end with its mouth.
No one will be back until the afternoon, so they told us we should order takeout... I tried to be productive, but using only one hand is tiring and frustrating.
Baby came to see what I was doing because Holly was tired of playing and was sleeping peacefully.
She decided it was a good time to take a shower, since it was just the two of us at home. She put on black leggings, a green shirt, and a pretty white sweater that showed one shoulder. She had washed her hair and asked me for a hairdryer to get rid of the dampness. I wanted to talk to her about what had happened a few hours earlier; it was still fresh in my mind.
Baby lay stretched out on my bed while I watched her from my seat. She waited until I started to have doubts about her feelings for me.
- Mmm, you attract me... I mean, when I look at you or you're walking around, I start wondering if I should go see what you're doing. I definitely never get tired of glancing at you, seeing if someone's bothering you on the phone, or if you're typing away the things that are on your mind. You know... a bunch of stupid stuff. When you're around... I don't know what to do. I generally just try not to end up on your blacklist so you'll want to spend more time with me. Lately, you've managed to make me want you, and my head's full of these thoughts. I end up confused all the time. I don't know if you're playing games, if you're seeing how long I can resist before asking you to continue. Sometimes I feel like I should fall in love like a fool, and the worst part is... I never feel the need to stop you or regret anything that's happened between us.
"It sounds like a woman in love, but you never initiate anything to get closer to me... you don't even try to get my attention or ask for more than what I choose to have with you... I don't regret it either, but I also don't want to give you false hope of us dating. There are still many feelings I have to wait to see what happens, how you handle things depending on my behavior... you didn't make it easy for me to know if I caused anything in you until recently... it drives me crazy to know that *you liked all that*" - she was embarrassed.
Baby wasn't in a hurry to start a relationship; she preferred things to happen naturally, enjoying the process and not trying to influence me because she felt something or make me feel responsible. She's younger and doesn't really know what she wants, or if she's strong enough to start a relationship with more difficulties than necessary, because the culture here is unique and she doesn't want to lose hers. She's proud of her beliefs and her culture, and she can respect the new rules to a certain extent, which is why she negotiated it in her contract. She's not obligated to hide if she's with someone, but in public she'll behave as well as possible.
She comes from a place where it's not unusual or difficult to find lovers having fun in their cars or on street corners—so much so that such scenes are commonplace. People sometimes don't even like each other that much, whether they're a couple or not, but for physical contact, it's fine anyway. They fight over men who have been cheating on them, they marry people who only care about money just to show off that they got the most beautiful and loving woman. Or they let someone ruin their life because they said... because they were told "I love you."
I know it happens, it's just that nobody talks about it; in her opinion, she feels worse when they grab her wrist instead of her hand.
It will probably hit anyone who is rude to get its attention; many small details here are the right ones to show interest.
She also says that she doesn't believe in perfect princes who are going to solve her life because they have money, status, or a good appearance.
She knows I have a less pleasant side, one she probably won't like, but Baby believes that not taking the time to understand me is what would cause things to go wrong. That's also why she doesn't get too carried away and simply enjoys the moment between us, as long as neither of us feels it's a bad thing.
She's quite mature for her age, perhaps because she has a strong intuition; when it comes to what's wrong, she can walk away before it's too late. Baby isn't interested in being treated like a princess to feel loved and happy, nor does she need a ring to respect herself enough to decide who she says "I love you" to, because that's what she wants to do.
I want her now even more than before. I go to the bed and she watches me. She was a little scared because I decided to take off the sling, but I really needed to at least be able to use both hands.