Another day passes. It was just as the clock struck 5 and the boring major class ended, and I was about to step out of the building when my phone buzzed.
On the big screen were the three letters, ‘Kim Junseo.’ He was a guy I still kept in touch with sometimes even after graduating high school. He had a good personality, the kind of guy who took good care of someone like me too. Kim Junseo goes to another university near mine. I thought high school connections would all disappear once you became a college student. But Junseo would often come meet me whenever our schedules matched. It wasn’t like we had any romantic feelings for each other. We were just close enough to talk trash comfortably.
[ What are you doing? I’m at your school right now ]
[ Give me about an hour ]
I stopped walking and sent a reply.
[ If we’re not drinking, I’m not hanging out with you. Get lost ]
We weren’t the kind of people who wanted to sit across from each other in a café and have a wholesome conversation. We didn’t even have much to talk about. We needed at least some alcohol before we could unload what had happened over the past while. In other words, he was an awkward person to me.
The reply came quickly. With messages coming one after another, the vibration went buzz, bzzzt—, then buzzed again.
[ Okay then, let’s go to the bar I usually go to ]
[ I’ve got plans, so I’m drinking non-alcohol ]
[ Come out to the front gate ]
I hadn’t even replied that I’d hang out with him yet. Before I knew it, the plans were already set. Besides, if I was going home, I had to go out the front gate anyway. When I left through the school’s main gate, Junseo was standing under the row of trees. The guy, who had been looking at his phone, spotted me and raised a hand.
“You put on weight?”
“You start shit the second you see me.”
“Your face looks a little puffy.”
“You look more worn out.”
“It’s not even nice to see you after so long.”
Junseo turned around and walked ahead first. I followed behind him.
“But if you’re not drinking, why go to a bar?”
“I have to meet my girlfriend later.”
“Then why call me instead of just meeting her?”
“There’s still time before the appointment.”
“So I’m just something to kill time with?”
“You said you wouldn’t hang out with me unless it was over drinks too.”
I had nothing to say. Junseo walked along the alley in front of the school like he knew it by heart. After turning corners a few times, a strangely familiar street came into view. I had a bad feeling, and sure enough, the guy stopped in front of a familiar sign.
RESET.
Through the glass door, familiar lighting and bar tables came into view.
“Fuck, how narrow is this neighborhood that this is the only bar around?”
“Why?”
“Let’s go somewhere else.”
“No. This is my regular bar.”
Maybe he couldn’t even see me fuming by myself, but Kim Junseo didn’t wait for my answer and opened the door. The little bell on the door rang, and then classical music drifted into my ears. Since it was still early, there were fewer customers than last time. I went down the stairs and checked the inside of the bar; Lee Sangwon was talking with another employee. Does he live here? Is he full-time?
While I was thinking that, our eyes met somehow. Sangwon’s gaze, after spotting me come in, drifted toward Kim Junseo standing in front of me. Did he notice me first? The thought flashed through me for a split second.
We sat side by side at the end of the bar. Junseo raised his hand without even opening the menu. Just as another bartender was about to come over, Sangwon approached first.
“Would you like to order?”
His tone and expression were all business. Neat, with a moderately polite smile. Junseo casually ordered one non-alcoholic cocktail. Sangwon’s gaze turned to me.
I didn’t look at the menu either.
“That.”
“The one you had last time?”
“Yeah.”
Sure, one moment please. Sangwon gave a light nod and went back. Junseo looked straight at me.
“What. Are you two on familiar terms?”
“No.”
“Then how can he understand you?”
“I’ve been here a few times.”
A moment later, Sangwon brought over two glasses. In front of Junseo, he set down a glass of clear soda topped with lemon; in front of me, he placed the familiar cocktail. Junseo looked at my drink and laughed.
“You still drink that kind of stuff?”
“Why? What’s wrong with it?”
“Your taste really never changes.”
“You’ve gotten more worn out.”
“Even after all this time, you still talk the same way.”
Kim Junseo let out a snort of laughter and brought his glass to his lips. Sangwon, holding an empty tray, glanced at us one by one.
“Call me if you need anything else.”
Our eyes met, but Sangwon didn’t smile. After saying it in polite honorifics, he turned and left the spot.
I lifted my glass too and took a sip.
Junseo swung his glass with his hand and started talking about a high school classmate he had recently broken up with. Because of the music, I couldn’t hear him well and had to ask him to repeat himself several times. Junseo made an annoyed face, then pulled his chair closer to me.
“So she said he should break up first.”
“Who?”
“Kim Gunwoo.”
“Who’s that?”
“I just said his name.”
“What are you talking about? I can’t hear a thing.”
It wasn’t a very interesting story, so I leaned back against the chair. Kim Junseo leaned in close toward me, as if frustrated. So close our arms touched. The voice explaining it again by my ear was clear this time. Kim Gunwoo. You know, the really tall guy.
“Oh, him.”
“Now you get it?”
“But I don’t really like him.”
“Is there anyone you actually like?”
Instead of answering, I pushed Kim Junseo’s shoulder away with my elbow. What was he so determined to ramble on about when it wasn’t even something I cared about? He’d been like this since high school. Just a guy who talked a lot on his own. The kind who had to get out everything he wanted to say.
The way he acted exactly the same as when he was younger made me snort and lift my head. And then Sangwon came into view. Lee Sangwon was shaking a shaker at another table. His hands were busy, but his gaze stayed this way.
What. He’s looking over here.
When our eyes met, Sangwon was the first to turn his head away. It wasn’t my imagination. My attention started drifting toward him.
Next to me, Junseo started talking about another topic, but I didn’t really listen. Sangwon set a finished cocktail down in front of a customer and smiled. His lips were upturned, but his eyes looked colder than before.
Lee Sangwon must have felt me staring, because he turned his gaze back this way. Feeling that look, I lifted my glass. Our gazes met quietly.
Gulp— not saliva, no, a sip of alcohol—when I swallowed, the wooden bar table vibrated. It was Kim Junseo’s phone.
When the guy checked the screen, he got up from his seat.
“I need to take this.”
“Your girlfriend?”
“Yeah.”
I only tilted my head slightly and asked, and Kim Junseo was already getting ready to leave. With the phone to his ear, he walked out of the shop.
Left alone, I stirred the ice in my glass. I’d already drunk more than half of it. Had I been drinking a little too fast? While I was pretending to do something else, pretending to think about something else, Lee Sangwon came over with an empty glass. I knew he would come. I just had a feeling. Maybe I had been waiting for it.
Sangwon glanced once at the door Junseo had left through, then stopped in front of the empty chair.
“You’ve got unusual taste.”
“Who does?”
“The person you’re meeting today.”
“Do you really know my type?”
I don’t even know myself. I kept talking and let out a sneering snort. Sangwon didn’t answer. He lowered his gaze and wiped the moisture on the table with a dry cloth. It was already a clean spot.
“You seem to get over things pretty fast.”
“What?”
The hand moving the cloth stopped.
“How long has it been since that married-man incident?”
I only realized what he meant belatedly. Lee Sangwon seemed to think Kim Junseo was someone I was seeing for the first time.
What is this, jealousy? Honestly, I’d felt a little of it since the moment I walked into the bar today. But I hadn’t expected him to show it this openly.
If I wanted to make excuses, I could do it right away. The guy sitting next to me and I aren’t like that at all. Kim Junseo even has a girlfriend. I could just say that and be done with it.
But looking at Sangwon’s stiff face while he wiped the table, I felt like teasing him a little. Maybe I also wanted to see if he was really bothered. Holding my glass in one hand, I rested my chin on the other and looked up at him.
“They say people forget people by using people, right?”
Sangwon’s face twisted nicely. A spark of pleasure shot up from deep in my gut. Watching that proud face get crumpled because of me was pretty entertaining. Sangwon looked down at me for a moment. His lips parted, but he didn’t say anything. He folded the cloth in his hand, set it down under the bar table, and turned away without a word. Every time the shirt on his back moved, it wrinkled and creased along his shoulder blades, just like the furrow between Sangwon’s brows when he’d been upset.
The dopamine that had surged up quickly cooled even faster. My mouth dropped in an instant. It was less that I’d lost interest and more that something unpleasant lingered. What is this gross feeling.
I idly stirred the melted ice with a straw. After staring for a long time at the ice slowly turning in circles and melting inside the glass, I drank what was left.
After a while, Junseo came back.
“My girlfriend called, so I guess I have to go now.”
“Already?”
“She says she’s close by.”
“Go.”
Junseo picked up the jacket he’d hung over the chair.
“What about you?”
“I’m having one more drink, then heading out.”
“Okay, see you again.”
“Don’t contact me.”
“Okay, text me when you get home.”
Junseo, who’d half-ignored what I said, grabbed a bartender hanging around nearby, settled the bill, and quickly left the place.
Lee Sangwon was handling customers at a table on the opposite side. Even while Junseo was talking about his girlfriend, he didn’t look this way. If you were so curious who it was, you should’ve listened to all of this too. He really is bad at timing.
The seat Junseo had been sitting in was empty. Left alone, I slowly tipped my glass. The spot away from the lights was cozy, but in a way it felt lonely.
Ah, looks like I got drunk a bit too fast today.
My gaze refused to leave Lee Sangwon. Even with such blatant staring, Sangwon was busy smiling and talking with the customers in front of him. Still, I know. That crooked-eyed look wasn’t smiling.
A little later, Sangwon lifted his head. His gaze met mine, which had been staring at him all this time.