“Stop staring at me already. You’re gonna bore a hole through me.”
Sangwon walked over, wiping a cup with a dry dishcloth. The eyes that had met mine for a moment drifted back to the cup in his hands as if nothing had happened. I smirked and rested my chin on my hand.
“Is there even a woman who doesn’t look at you?”
“You’re not one of them.”
I said it with a weak, snide tone, and he shot back without missing a beat. Another laugh slipped out of me. If it were any other day, I would’ve probably scowled and muttered that he was annoying, but today, for some reason, I kept laughing.
Damn, maybe I really am drunk.
It wasn’t like I’d only had one drink, but I also hadn’t had so much that I’d completely lost my head. Was it because I’d been emptying my glass faster than usual when I was with Kim Junseo? Or was it something other than alcohol? I spun the empty glass in my hand as I played around, keeping my eyes fixed on it as I spoke.
“Why? You don’t like it when I pay attention to you?”
Sangwon didn’t answer. He kept slowly turning the cup, wiping away the last traces of moisture. It almost seemed like he was pretending not to hear me. Still, he didn’t leave my side. He could’ve gone if a customer called from far away, but fortunately or unfortunately, the bar was getting a little quieter.
At a few tables, customers who’d finished paying were gathering their coats, and another employee had started clearing the empty glasses from the tables. Even the classical music that had been playing softly seemed a little lower than before. In the meantime, Sangwon had finished wiping one cup and was still standing in the same spot.
Why won’t he leave if he says he doesn’t want to talk.
As soon as that thought crossed my mind, a pointless bit of pride swelled up. No, was it courage? Or maybe delusion.
I wanted to check whether Lee Sangwon was really acting like this because I was on his mind. From the moment Kim Junseo had come close, he’d kept looking this way, and he’d even come over on purpose to pick a fight and say my taste was weird. I wanted to hear that I hadn’t imagined all of it. I tilted the glass this way and that and opened my mouth.
“He has a girlfriend.”
“But.”
“I figured you’d want to know.”
The hand wiping the cup stopped. The eyes that had been focused only on the cup slowly lifted. Sangwon looked at me silently for a long moment. His expression was indifferent, but unlike before, he couldn’t fire back right away. See? You were curious.
“...I was wrong.”
“Then don’t make it obvious.”
“When did I ever.”
His sharp reply made my certainty waver a little.
Had I read him wrong? Maybe he’d only been looking because I was a noisy customer. Maybe he’d been watching in case Kim Junseo, who had leaned in close and talked, caused some kind of trouble. In the first place, Lee Sangwon was the kind of guy women never stopped flocking to. Did he even have a reason to be jealous of me?
But it was hard to say that wasn’t it, because his face had looked so twisted up. That much definitely wasn’t my imagination.
At my words—that people forget people through other people—he tossed down the dishcloth as if throwing it away and walked off. Even when I stared openly, he avoided my gaze to the end, and when Kim Junseo was talking about his girlfriend, he happened to be standing far away.
I don’t know. The more we talk, the murkier it gets.
Lee Sangwon acts like he’s annoyed by every woman in the world, but he comes to me first. He even lies just to ask about my rumors and say he believes me. At the bar, he said he didn’t want to put on an act, so he only let his expression loosen in front of me.
And yet, the moment I got even a little closer, he mocked me like I was the one showing interest first. Which one is real, anyway?
“Hey.”
“....”
“You jealous?”
I only came to my senses after the words had already slipped out.
Ah, shit. What kind of question is that? I’m not a kid.
My head must’ve gone funny from the booze. The few seconds I waited for Sangwon’s answer felt way too long. I wished he’d at least laugh it off and say I was imagining things again, but this time he didn’t even open his mouth.
All I could read from his face, lowered toward the cup in his hand, was nothing. A beat too late, I looked away.
“Never mind. Pretend you didn’t hear that.”
I pushed the empty glass aside and was about to get up from my seat. If I stayed any longer, I had no idea what I’d say. Forget paying or anything else—first I should probably go to the bathroom and sober up.
At that moment, a hand reached from across the bar and clamped tightly onto my shoulder. I lost my balance, but only for a moment before I steadied myself.
“Curious?”
My body, which had been about to stand, froze awkwardly.
“What?”
Sangwon set the cup he’d been wiping down beside him. The hand on my shoulder tightened. I was tugged slightly toward Lee Sangwon. Then, almost in a whisper, he went on.
“I’m curious.”
“....”
“Why you asked.”
The hand on my shoulder slowly fell away. And yet I still couldn’t move. Sangwon braced one hand on the bar and leaned in a little. His face came closer under the light. The eyes that usually only looked down at me were meeting mine head-on now.
Why did I ask? I asked because I didn’t know, too.
I couldn’t tell whether I’d simply wanted to mess with him or whether I’d really wanted him to be jealous. It bothered me that Lee Sangwon might not have heard Kim Junseo say he was going to see his girlfriend. He could’ve just let me misunderstand, but instead he stayed here and kept staring. He even waited for Sangwon to come over and ask.
Why did he do that?
My gaze naturally drifted lower. The tie neatly knotted over his white shirt, the line of his neck revealed between his shirt collar. His Adam’s apple moving every time he swallowed dryly. The lips that hadn’t answered my question a moment ago. Finally, I met his eyes again.
Sangwon didn’t look away. Unlike before, he wasn’t smiling either. Looking into those eyes made my heart beat a little faster. Was it because I was drunk? My cheeks felt hot, and heat seemed to be spreading all the way to my fingertips.
Yeah. I really got drunk fast today. So this was a drunk move, and a reckless one. I might regret it when I sobered up tomorrow. Every time I ran into him at school, I might remember tonight and want to skip the whole general-education class altogether.
I reached out and grabbed Sangwon’s tie. The smooth fabric curled around my fingers. Before Sangwon could react, I yanked him toward me with all my strength. The body on the other side of the bar lurched forward hard. His eyes, suddenly wide with shock, came closer in an instant.
Then our lips met.
Sangwon’s hand pressed against the bar. To keep himself from tipping over all at once, his palm slid across the tabletop. One glass wobbled slightly and made a small sound. The lips that had touched mine didn’t pull away right away.
At first, Sangwon had frozen completely. He didn’t push me away, and he didn’t come closer either; he didn’t move at all, like someone who’d even stopped breathing. So I pulled on his tie a little harder.
A hot breath slipped between our lips. Only then did Sangwon tilt his head, just slightly. Our lips moved, and his tongue tangled through the gap. The faint scent of alcohol rose up. Sweet and bitter—the taste of the liquor I always drank. Only this time, the sweetness was much stronger than usual. The smell of alcohol left in our mouths mixed with our breath, and my head went dizzy.
The voices of the customers and the music faded away, and only the breath tangled right in front of me came through clearly. The seat I’d chosen today was in a corner. The light didn’t quite reach it; it was a dark spot. In the darkness where no one else could see, we were desperate to find each other. Now and then there was the sticky sound of tongues mingling, the rough breaths pushed through clenched teeth, the wet sound from sucking his lower lip, but it was quickly swallowed up by the clink of glasses and the sound of conversation.
I opened my eyes and slowly pulled my lips away. At this close distance, Sangwon’s face was visible. His usually smug, infuriating expression was beautifully distorted. His eyes were still on me, and his breathing had gone a little uneven.
His ears and cheeks were flushed red. To call it the lighting would be an excuse, because even his neck had gone bright red. So he could make a face like this too. A strange sense of satisfaction welled up in me. I wanted to see more—that thought came too.
The tie was still in my hand, and I let out a snort as I loosened my grip and let it go. The tie dropped limply and swayed against Sangwon’s chest.
“Hey, when do you get off?”
As I asked, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, Sangwon’s lips finally moved.
“You crazy... .”
Even while cursing, he didn’t back away. He was still looking down at me with one hand on the bar. I reached for my glass, then set it back down when I saw it was empty. With my fingertips, I slowly traced the rim.
“Come hang out with me.”
Sangwon’s brow tightened slightly. It was the look of someone checking whether he’d heard me right. This time, I didn’t look away—I stared straight back.
I thought I might be able to admit it now: I was interested. If I couldn’t avoid it, I might as well enjoy it. If I’d fallen for him, there was no U-turn. I grinned and asked,
“Why?”
“....”
“You don’t want to hang out with me?”
Sangwon didn’t answer. Still not thinking to straighten his rumpled tie, he covered his mouth with the back of his hand. Even with his head slightly lowered, his flushed face couldn’t be hidden.
A little later, I heard someone from another table calling Sangwon. Only then did Sangwon straighten up. Before he could leave, I stepped closer to him. Then I brushed my thumb near his lips. It was because my lipstick had gotten on them. When my hand touched his lips, Lee Sangwon flinched and his shoulders jerked. He’s got a cute side, too.
“Another drink. Same one.”
Instead of answering, he stared at me for a moment and then gathered the cup and dishcloth he’d been wiping with. His steps as he turned away were a little faster than usual. Watching his back, I put the ice left in my glass into my mouth.
The cold ice melted quickly on the tip of my tongue. But the heat left on my lips still wouldn’t go away.
*
Even while taking the drink a customer had ordered from the shelf, Sangwon couldn’t quite come to his senses. He picked up a familiar bottle wrong once and put it back, and while looking for the shaker, he rubbed the back of his hand over his mouth for no reason. It felt like the touch of those lips was still lingering there.
When he turned his head for a quick glance, the woman who’d been tormenting him was still sitting in the same seat as before. With an expression as if nothing were wrong. When their eyes met, she didn’t even look away; she just lifted the corners of her mouth.
The woman at the center of the gossip.
The woman new rumors clung to every other day, the woman who never gave a single explanation no matter what anyone said. The woman he’d meant to ignore from the start because getting close to her would obviously be exhausting.
In the end, the woman who’d dragged me into the center of that rumor, too.
Sangwon covered his mouth again with his arm. Even with his face deliberately lowered, it was still red. What a crazy woman.