When I opened my eyes, I was in bed. The familiar ceiling was right in front of me. I blinked a few times, but my head was foggy and I couldn’t think of anything. The moment I tried to throw off the blanket and move, a pain like someone was hammering at my temples from the inside hit me.
"Ugh…… my head."
I buried my face in the pillow again.
So I must’ve gotten drunk fast yesterday too. I thought I hadn’t had that much, but I couldn’t even remember when I got home. After lying there for a long while, I finally reached out and grabbed my phone from the nightstand.
9:27 a.m. Fortunately, my first class was in the afternoon. On the screen were a few messages from a friend, a card payment alert, and a taxi receipt. I had taken a taxi near the school a little after 1 a.m. and gotten out in front of my place. So it didn’t seem like anyone had brought me home.
I set the phone on my chest and closed my eyes. I definitely remembered meeting Kim Jun-seo and going into the bar. Kim Jun-seo got a call from his girlfriend and went out, and Lee Sang-won came up to me and picked a fight, saying I had weird taste. I also remembered saying people forget people with other people, and him twisting his face and walking away.
Mm, after that, Jun-seo went to meet his girlfriend. I was left alone, staring at Sang-won…… And from there, my memory was spotty.
Maybe something soft had touched my lips. Maybe I’d heard someone breathing up close. I still had the sensation of soft fabric, something like hair, wrapped around my hand.
No matter how much I thought about it, the scene wouldn’t come together properly. The more I tried to think, the more my head hurt. In the end I gave up and kicked the blanket away. The clothes I’d worn yesterday were scattered on the floor beside the bed. My bag was upside down near the door, with a few things spilled out onto the floor. At least I changed clothes before sleeping. I must’ve made it home more or less okay.
I got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. The face in the mirror was a mess. I’d only half removed my makeup, leaving black smudges under my eyes, and my hair was sticking out in every direction. While I turned on the water and washed my face, my hand brushed my lips.
They were a little swollen.
When I pressed my lower lip with my finger, it stung faintly.
"What is this."
The soft sensation came back to me again. No way.
I froze for a moment, then shook my head. I couldn’t remember anything, so what was the point of imagining things on my own? I probably just messed around by biting a glass at the bar. I took a quick shower and changed clothes. After drinking cold water several times in a row, the headache eased a little too.
Let’s just go to school.
Whatever I did yesterday, if I couldn’t remember it, it was basically as good as it never happened.
*
I went into the lecture hall for my general-education class and headed for the seat I always used. Lee Sang-won still hadn’t arrived.
I put my bag down and sat in the chair. After taking out my notebook and pen, I checked my phone. There was no contact from Lee Sang-won. That was obvious, since I didn’t even know his number in the first place. What was I checking for, not even knowing his number.
I closed the message screen for no reason and opened a browser window. While I was flipping through articles I wasn’t even that curious about, I heard the sound of a chair scraping next to me. I didn’t even need to look up to know who it was.
A bag was set on the desk, and Lee Sang-won naturally sat down beside me. By now he didn’t even check how many other seats were left. He took off his outerwear and draped it over the chair like this had always been his seat.
I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye.
It was the same face as always. He must’ve worked late into the night yesterday, but he didn’t look especially tired. Instead of a black shirt, he was wearing a gray hoodie, and his hair was loose and slightly messy.
I could almost catch his eye, so I looked back down at my phone. I thought about asking what had happened yesterday, then stopped. If anything had happened, Sang-won would say so on his own. If he said nothing, then I could just pretend not to know and let it go.
Lee Sang-won kept glancing at me even while taking books out of his bag. When I lowered my phone, he looked away, and when I pretended to read the article again, he checked my face once more.
What’s with him.
The professor would be here soon. Students started trickling in one by one. Just as I was trying to act clueless to the very end, Sang-won spoke first.
"I didn’t know your drunk behavior was kissing."
My finger, which was lowering the phone, stopped.
"What?"
When I turned my head, Sang-won was looking at me with his eyes a little wider than usual. My reaction must’ve been different from what he expected.
"You don’t remember?"
"Remember what."
"Seriously?"
Lee Sang-won touched his lower lip and looked at me like he couldn’t believe it. Seeing those lips made the soft sensation that had been left on mine since morning come back again.
Then forgotten scenes flashed quickly through my head. A face coming close under dim lights. The taste of alcohol mingling between our lips. Something with a soft satin feel wrapped around my hand.
A tie.
No way—that had been Lee Sang-won’s tie?
Sang-won just watched me quietly as I struggled to answer. Then he put an elbow on the desk and rested his chin on his hand.
"We kissed."
"……."
"Twice."
Twice? Twice?
I didn’t even properly remember the first time, and we did it twice?
I grabbed my hair with my hand. My already aching head throbbed harder. I closed my eyes and retraced what happened yesterday.
I’d pulled on Lee Sang-won’s tie. I’d kissed him first, and asked when it would end. I’d even said we should hang out together.
That was as far as I got.
And then……
A memory that had been cut off finally came back to me late.
*
By the time I finished paying and left the bar, it was already dark outside. Because I’d had one more drink, my body felt a little lighter. If I stayed seated inside any longer, I felt like I’d just keep staring at Lee Sang-won, so I left first.
I went into the alley next to the shop and rummaged through my bag. I took out a crumpled pack of cigarettes and a lighter, put one cigarette in my mouth, and lit it. The end of the cigarette burned down quickly.
I exhaled a long stream of smoke and leaned back against the wall. I had said let’s hang out together, but honestly I didn’t even know what I was suggesting. I’d already had enough to drink, and it was late. Even the fact that I was waiting until Sang-won finished his work was a little funny.
Should I just go?
Even so, my feet wouldn’t move. I checked the time on my phone. It had been about fifteen minutes since I left the bar. I heard the door to the shop open. When I turned my head, Lee Sang-won in a black shirt was coming into the alley.
His tie was loosened. It looked like he hadn’t properly fixed the mess I’d made by pulling it. Sang-won looked first at the cigarette in my mouth.
"You smoke too."
"Why, do you hate it?"
"I don’t like the smell of cigarettes when kissing."
"What?"
Before I could even react, Sang-won came closer.
"Mph……."
Our lips collided roughly.
My back hit the wall behind me. Sang-won braced one hand on the wall beside my face and tilted his head. Lee Sang-won wasn’t frozen in surprise like before. As if he’d been waiting, he opened his lips and mixed his breathing with mine.
The alley was dark. Only the occasional sound of cars passing could be heard, and no people were around. Ash fell in a long trail from the end of the cigarette trapped between my fingers. Hot smoke brushed near the back of my hand. I reached behind me, pressed the cigarette into the wall, and snuffed it out. The cigarette, with its ember gone, dropped from my fingertips and rolled on the ground.
With my free hand, I grabbed the back of Sang-won’s head. Soft hair wrapped between my fingers. The more I clenched it like I didn’t want to let go, the closer his body came.
Ah.
The sensation that had been left on my hand since morning.
It wasn’t just the satin tie.
It had been Sang-won’s hair.
*
All of my memory came back.
As I stood frozen, clutching my head with my hand, Sang-won lowered his head a little to check my face.
"Don’t tell me you don’t remember?"
"……."
"Wow, I knew you were drunk. But this is seriously too much."
Sang-won took his hand off his chin. He leaned back with a look of utter disbelief and even spread both hands. The guy who usually waved everything off like it was no big deal was openly acting hurt this time. Maybe he really was upset that I didn’t remember.
"Remember it."
Sang-won narrowed his eyes.
"There was a first time."
Sang-won narrowed his eyes and puckered his lips, then turned his gaze forward.
That slightly hurt look on his face was cuter than I expected. The guy who would block women and not blink even if they cried and begged was making that expression because he couldn’t remember a single kiss.
A snort of laughter escaped me. At my laugh, Sang-won’s gaze came back this way. I leaned over the desk and looked up at him. One corner of my mouth curled upward.
"Why, want to do it again?"
Sang-won’s face stiffened faintly. His eyes wavered for a moment, then he looked away. He covered half of his face with one big hand, and from the tips of his ears down, he slowly turned red.
What is he.
So he can handle all those advances from women, but he’s weak to this kind of line? He was so smooth at the bar, too. In the end, I couldn’t hold back my laughter.
"Pfft."
"Damn……."
Sang-won turned to face front. He took out a general-education textbook and opened it, then unnecessarily flipped pages hard. A little later, a small voice came from him.
"I’m the only one getting thrown off. Just me."
I watched Sang-won’s profile without saying anything.
Well.
Looks like I’m not that different either.
If I hadn’t been paying attention to Lee Sang-won, I wouldn’t have stayed at the bar and waited. I wouldn’t have wondered what he thought about being with another man, and I wouldn’t have asked if he was jealous. I wouldn’t have pulled his tie first, either.
Only then did the professor enter the lecture hall. As the surroundings grew quiet, Sang-won also stopped talking. Even while we sat through class with the book open, our eyes met now and then. This time, I didn’t look away either.
We didn’t say a single word until class ended. Now and then Lee Sang-won touched his lips with his hand, and each time I did the same.
Less than two hours. After class ended and the professor left, the lecture hall got noisy again. I packed my bag and stood up from my seat. Sang-won also closed his book and packed his bag. As we went out into the hallway and headed for the stairs, Sang-won naturally came up beside me.
"Why are you following me."
"Let’s eat."
"All of a sudden?"
"I want to see you when you’re sober too."
I stopped walking and looked up at Sang-won. So this means, right now.
"You’re asking me out?"
"Yeah."
Sang-won answered without even a moment to think. This time his face didn’t even turn red. With a slight lift at the corner of his mouth, he looked down at me like it was obvious. Since he answered so readily, I had nothing to say instead.
Sang-won went down one step of the stairs first. Without even telling me to follow, he headed downward at an unhurried pace.
I looked at his back, then followed him down. I went down the stairs and naturally stayed beside him. Just like Lee Sang-won, who had sat beside me as if that spot was obvious.
The two of them had met countless others of the opposite sex. And yet, without any push-and-pull, they were slipping and falling helplessly. Yeah, I now knew this was different from everyone I’d met before.
Even so, I didn’t feel any anxiety at all. Because what was pulling us in was probably the same for both of us.