“What do you like?”
Lee Sang-won asked as he went down the stairs. He had asked me out on a date. To eat together. As he went down, he carefully asked about my tastes.
“Anything.”
“That’s the hardest answer.”
“You’re the one who asked to eat. You decide.”
“How about pasta?”
“I’ll eat that.”
“Then let’s go.”
I followed after him without even knowing where we were going. Going to eat with Sang-won in broad daylight, with no alcohol, felt oddly awkward. And a date, of all things. I didn’t know whether kissing twice before eating was a normal order of things, but for the two of us, this seemed to fit better.
Sang-won stopped at a small, neat restaurant not far from the school. He walked up to the entrance first and opened the door. After I climbed the steps and looked up, Lee Sang-won was holding the door and waiting for me. Holding the door for me? Because he’s a guy? I hadn’t exactly been treated like this before, but getting it from Lee Sang-won made me feel strangely shy.
Only after I went inside did Lee Sang-won follow. He spoke to the staff like he was used to it and got us a window seat. After some light small talk, we sat down and opened the menu laid out neatly in front of us. Sang-won quickly chose his dish and closed the menu. I skimmed the photos one by one and picked something that looked decent.
“Decide yet?”
“Yeah.”
Sang-won called over a server and ordered. With a fitting gesture and friendliness that wasn’t over the top, the female server answered him with a face full of smiles. He’s exactly like Lee Sang-won at the bar. I watched him with my chin propped up on my hand. Without saying a word, Lee Sang-won took the spoon and chopsticks from one side of the table, set them down in front of me first, and even poured water into the empty glass and slid it over.
So natural. Is this the kind of thing he’s picked up from dating a lot of women?
I looked down at Sang-won’s hand while drinking water. Sang-won, after arranging the utensils, was pouring himself water as if nothing had happened. Dating a lot of women wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Well, I wasn’t exactly in any position to judge. I cut off the thought and pushed the menu to one side.
Until the food came, we talked about our liberal arts class. When I brought up the time the professor had singled me out and I’d given some random answer, Sang-won frowned.
“That’s because you kept staring at me.”
“So now you’re blaming me.”
“How am I supposed to focus when someone’s glaring at me from right next to me?”
“You’re the one who gave the clueless answer.”
The look on my face from then came back to me, and I burst out laughing. Sang-won took a sip of water with a displeased expression.
After about ten minutes of talking, Lee Sang-won’s risotto came out first, and a little later the pasta I’d ordered was served. Just as I was about to lift my fork, I looked across the table and saw Sang-won hadn’t touched his food. Only after my dish was served did he pick up his utensils. If this was a kind of consideration, then I guess it was consideration. It felt unlike him, and I let out a quiet snort of laughter to myself.
The conversation went on with nothing special. Favorite foods, classes I hated listening to, annoying customers I’d met at the bar—just trivial stuff. Sang-won talked more than I’d expected, and I laughed more than I’d expected. So he could actually have a normal conversation like this.
While Sang-won had his head lowered for a moment, I stared at his face. He didn’t seem like the sort of person who treated women like toys, like the rumor that had first spread through school. At least the Lee Sang-won sitting in front of me didn’t.
After finishing our meal, we left the restaurant. Lee Sang-won naturally ended up walking beside me. As we walked along the sidewalk, an motorcycle passed close by, and he lightly pushed my shoulder inward, switching places so he was on the road side. He didn’t make a show of it or look at me. I watched his profile for a moment before looking ahead again. I found myself thinking he might be better than I’d expected.
On the way back to school, we exchanged a decent amount of conversation. Surprisingly, the talk never died out, and as we were having a good time, a guy walking toward us spotted Sang-won and spoke up like he knew him.
“Hey, Lee Sang-won.”
Sang-won’s expression hardened, and he narrowed his eyes and lifted his chin. The man’s gaze soon turned to me. After looking at my face, the corner of his mouth rose in a strange way.
“Oh, this one…”
“If you’ve got no business here, get lost.”
“How long is it gonna last this time?”
“Mind your own business.”
Lee Sang-won’s answer was short. The man laughed. Hey, loosen up your face, man. He patted Sang-won’s shoulder twice and brushed past us. Sang-won didn’t explain, and I didn’t ask. The two of us kept walking as if nothing had happened. But silence hung between us. It was as if the nonstop conversation from just a moment ago had been a lie.
That guy had probably recognized me from my face. He must have been judging, in that split second, whether I was the trash, or whether he was. Even though I was used to that kind of treatment, it didn’t feel all that great. Then my phone rang. A friend had messaged me.
[ Hey, are you seeing Lee Sang-won? ]
[ There are pics going around of the two of you walking together right now ]
In the photo that followed, Sang-won and I were seen coming out of the restaurant.
[ Don’t go suffering again because you picked the wrong guy ]
I turned off the screen. I knew it was meant as concern, but today it felt excessive. Sang-won must have felt something like this too—his friend reacting badly to the person he was seeing. In other words, to me.
“Who was that?”
“A friend.”
Lee Sang-won, glancing sideways at me, asked, and I nonchalantly put my phone in my pocket. Sang-won didn’t ask anything else.
The mood that had been comfortable until just a moment ago sank strangely. Rumors again. Before, I hadn’t cared what anyone said. Why was my head hurting so much this time, I didn’t know.
If Lee Sang-won really was like the rumors said. If he got interested in another woman again before long. I might be the one left first. No, I was used to being left. Still, Lee Sang-won… .
We’d only eaten one meal together, and yet my thoughts had gone too far. Even I found it ridiculous. Until yesterday, if I wanted to kiss, I kissed; today I came along because I wanted to eat. It was just a matter of meeting until it stopped being fun. Like always.
Before I knew it, we’d arrived in front of the school gate. Sang-won didn’t stop and went all the way inside. I didn’t have any classes after this. Just as my feet came to a sudden halt, Lee Sang-won turned around and looked at me.
“No class?”
“Yeah.”
“Hm, then.”
Sang-won came up in front of me and looked down at me. I quietly looked up at his face. Lee Sang-won lifted his chin and thought for a moment, then took his phone out of his pocket.
“Give me your number. So I can contact you.”
I entered my number on the phone held out in front of me, tapping it in quickly. Lee Sang-won took the phone back just as fast, as if to save it. Then he put it in his back pocket. After that, he looked down at me and spoke again.
“You heading home?”
“Yeah.”
“Then I’ll text, so answer.”
“Okay.”
Sang-won lifted one hand in a wave and turned away. I watched his receding back for a moment before heading off the other way too. I hadn’t even taken a few steps before my phone rang.
[ It’s me, Lee Sang-won ]
[ Save it ]
I looked down at the screen and saved his name in my contacts. Right below it, another message came in.
[ Text me when you get home ]
Even after staring at the chat window for a while, I didn’t send a reply.
The meal I’d had with Lee Sang-won was more enjoyable than I’d expected. Even trivial remarks made me laugh, and walking close beside him didn’t feel awkward.
That was the problem.
Something that had started out as fun, just like always, seemed like it wouldn’t end as fun. For me, that unfamiliar feeling suddenly seemed like fear.