In the darkness, all I could see was the black sea,
and only the crashing sound of the waves could be heard.
I hadn’t met Julien often or
called him that often either,
but that he existed in this world and
that he no longer did
were completely different things.
So I stood there for a long time
looking down at the sea.
Seeing the far edge of the horizon tinged red,
I could tell that dawn was gradually breaking.
I’d come out without my phone or a watch,
so I had no idea what time it was.
Once this guilt I was carrying faded a little,
I thought I should go and say a proper goodbye to him
when I was thinking that.
“Jung-ah!!!!”
Hunji’s voice came from behind me.
I quickly turned around.
“Hunji. How did you get all the way here?”
“You’re the one who should be asking that… when did you come all the way here?
You hadn’t eaten anything all day,
so why did you come so far?”
He stopped speaking
and bent over, catching his breath.
I went down toward where he was.
Up close, his face was covered in sweat.
“Hunji… why are you sweating so much…”
I wiped the sweat running down his forehead and neck
with my sleeve.
“I searched the whole village.
Do you know how many hours I ran around?”
“You seemed to be sleeping deeply earlier, so I came out...
When did you wake up?”
“I woke up about three or four hours ago and saw
you weren’t next to me, so I thought you’d gone to the bathroom.
You took so long that I went to the bathroom to check and you weren’t there.
Since then I’ve been wandering around outside, searching everywhere.
I was so worried you might have collapsed somewhere outside.”
“I’m not a little kid,
so why go to all that trouble looking for me?
I couldn’t sleep, so I came out.
I kept walking and ended up here.
I’m sorry I startled you…”
“As long as you’re safe, that’s enough.”
He studied me for a moment, then continued.
“Let’s sit somewhere and rest a bit before heading down.
I don’t think I can go down right away.”
“Let’s go sit on that bench over there.”
We sat on the bench and faced the sunrise of
Freehilliana, something neither of us had planned.
“It’s tiring, but seeing the sunrise together like this
is nice, isn’t it?”
We watched the sunrise
without saying a word for a while.
Hunji hesitated for a moment, then spoke.
“Could it be…
you’re not feeling guilty about Julien, are you?”
“If it weren’t for me…
I think Julien might have been able to leave
with a little more peace of mind.
Maybe I shouldn’t have met Julien...
and after meeting Julien...
I shouldn’t have gone to Korea to see Hunji...
maybe I shouldn’t have...”
“The truth is…
when I met Hunji in Korea
and went to Paris to meet Julien’s parents…
that person...
said that what I did—
going to Korea to see you without saying a word
and breaking my promise—
should just be forgotten and left alone.
But I... said we should break up.”
“If you hadn’t broken up with Julien then…
it would have been hard for you to meet me again, too.”
“… I was the one who was wrong from the start.
I wasn’t over Hunji,
and when Julien said he wanted to date me, I said yes.”
“Julien made memories with you too.
There’s nothing we can do about
the heart of someone who likes another person.”
“What if I had gone to the hotel when Julien was staying there..?
I might have been able to persuade him nicely…
I shouldn’t have pushed him away so harshly...
I regret it.”
“At the time, I had to make Julien give up, so even if you’d gone to the hotel,
it would have been hard to persuade him with kind words.”
“When I think that because of me…
he might have hurt even more,
my heart aches so much...”
“I’m sorry to show you
this side of me when you’re right here.”
“It hurts to see you struggling so much, too…
but still, I...
want it to hurt less because I’m here,
and for the pain to be brief.”
I nodded silently.
“But... Hunji...
do you know how ugly a thought I had?”
“What thought...?”
“Hunji...
I thought it was really lucky that it wasn’t Hunji
who left my side now.
Even knowing how horrible that thought is,
if I think of Hunji leaving my side,
I don’t think I’d be able to endure it like I am now...
I... I’m really selfish, aren’t I...?"
My sorry feelings toward Julien
spilled out as tears.
"It’s okay to feel that way.
People are all selfish.
I would’ve been the same."
"You can’t leave my side... okay?
When I say you can go...
then go..."
"Even if you tell me to go, I won’t.
Don’t you know I’m as stubborn as a bull?"
He smiled and held me warmly.
Stroking my back, he went on.
“How about we take a little trip?
If we go around to new places,
I think it might help you forget your sadness…”
I didn’t feel like traveling yet,
but I didn’t want to pass my sorrow on to Hunji too.
“Let’s go travel to another city.
You only know Spain as just here too, Hunji.”
We left behind the first morning
we greeted the rising sun together
and came down the hill feeling each other’s warmth.
“Huh~? You’re not going to keep your promise?”
