We decided not to cross the line (Season 2)

Episode 111. Jeong-a's Shadow

"How have you been lately?"





"It’s already... been six months..."

Whenever I wake up, there’s a thought that comes to mind first.

What is she doing right now?

Then suddenly, I realize.

By now, I have no way of knowing

where she is or what she’s doing.

And then, once again, I return to that cruel reality."






"Are you taking your medicine properly and getting some sleep?"





"I feel like I keep dreaming.

Without even being able to tell

whether this is reality or a dream, I fall asleep,

and when I open my eyes... I think for a moment.

Is this reality now... or a dream...?"






"How do you spend your days?"






"I mostly stay inside the house.

I listen to music, read books... and I watch movies now and then.

I’m mostly alone.

Then when night comes, I sometimes drive out

to the places I used to go with her."






"You don’t have to force yourself, but...

still, it would be good to

meet up with friends or family a little."






"Family... I don’t think I’m ready yet.

Friends... I’ve never really been the type

to talk openly about my feelings to my friends."






"Then how about meeting someone you can

share your story with, Jeong-ah?"






"Would that help?

I’m afraid I’ll just get even sadder."






"Talking about your memories together,

sharing them little by little as you come to accept them, is also

a good way to go about it."






"Yes... doctor.

Then I’ll try doing that once."






"Do you still think that because of yourself

your girlfriend died in your place?"





"Not in my place, but...

if it hadn’t been for me,

she wouldn’t have died like that."






"From your girlfriend’s point of view,

it must have been

the only way to save the person she loved...

Could she really have chosen anything else?"


"And that was another accident, just like

what Hunji went through.

Just because you have a transplant surgery

doesn’t mean everyone dies."





"I feel like it’s all my fault that she ended up like this.

If I had gone when she told me to leave the next morning,

I wonder how things would have been...

Then I wouldn’t have been in that accident, either,

and she would be by my side now...

What if my family had stopped her...?"





"If your family had stopped her,

would Jeong-ah have not gone through with the surgery?"






"... No... Jeong-ah would have done it anyway.

She would have wanted to save me."





"Would she have been forced onto the operating table?"





"No.

In her letter, she even said she was glad it was her instead."






"Yes... she would have.

Because she was the person she loved."





After the counseling session ended and I came outside,

I looked up at the sky.


I wondered if she was looking at the same sky as me.




Before I knew it, I found myself heading to her apartment.

I lingered in front of her place for a long time,

then rang the doorbell.





"Who is it?"






"Um... by any chance, are you thinking of selling this house?"





"What? Who is this?"





"I’m the person who used to live in this house."






"Just a moment."





A little later,

someone came out from inside and opened the front door.





"Before we moved in,

I heard that the owner’s younger sibling used to live here...

did you live here before that?"





"The owner’s younger sibling?"





"Yes... a woman.

We’re renting it too.

The older sister of the younger sibling who used to live here is the owner of this house."





"Ah... yes, I understand."




'So Jeong-ah’s older sister was the one who let her younger sister live there...'





I remembered what the doctor had said

and wanted to call Jeong-ah’s older sister.




What if she hung up on me, blaming me?

I felt that kind of fear too.





I took one deep breath

and found the number, then pressed the button.





"... Is this Hunji?"





"Yes. Hello."


  


"I wanted to reach out and meet you at least once."





"Yes... could I see you now?"





"I’ll send you the address, so can you come here?"





"Yes. Understood."





Jeong-ah’s older sister

looked much thinner than she had when I saw her at Jeong-ah’s house.




"Have you recovered a lot by now?"





"Yes..."





"There’s no need to act like a sinner.

At first, I was so resentful because I thought our Jeong-ah died because of you...

but as time passed...

I decided to respect it, since...

my younger sister chose that path herself."

"I’m sorry..."





"Hunji..."





"Yes?"





"But please don’t go looking for Mom and Dad.





Mom and Dad still won’t even see me.

They think I let Jeong-ah die without stopping her..."

"I’m sorry..."





"On the other hand... our Jeong-ah was really brave.





I honestly wonder if I could have done that myself...

She was never the type to risk everything for love.

She always kept a proper line drawn,

and she never crossed it herself,

and even if the other person crossed it, she’d hate it."

"You miss her, don’t you...?"





"I do...





Sometimes I still find myself thinking I should go bring her side dishes.

When I miss her, I just...

think of her as if she’s next to me and talk to her..."

"Hunji... don’t carry that guilt...

Start living your own life now...


That’s probably what Jeong-ah would want.

When I opposed the compatibility test,

Jeong-ah grabbed my leg and begged me.

She’s my younger sister, but... that was the first time I’d seen her like that,

and it felt so strange.

That probably means she loved you that much..."

Jeong-ah’s older sister stared somewhere off in the distance,

as if that image were still vivid.




And tears welled in her eyes.

"Still... not being able to see Jeong-ah...

I can’t believe it, and I don’t want to believe it."





"People... everyone dies someday.

Jeong-ah made that choice for the person she loved...






so maybe...

I think it was what made her death the most meaningful.

Rather than just dying of old age..."

Listening to Jeong-ah’s older sister,

I felt a heaviness in my chest.

Before I said goodbye to her,




I asked if she could sell me the house.

I wanted to go back to that place where I had spent time with Jeong-ah.




But she was against it.

She said that breaking free from Jeong-ah’s shadow

and living my own life

would be for Jeong-ah’s sake.




Would forgetting her really be for her sake?

Could I really forget her someday?

But like Jeong-ah’s older sister said,

from now on, whenever I missed her,




I decided to talk to her as if Jeong-ah were right beside me.

"You said you wanted toast."




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