Let's break up
.
"bye."
“Is this the last time?”
He asked me a question, even though we'd already talked about breaking up the night before. And we'd even kissed goodbye. It seemed like there was a bond between us that had seeped into each other over time. Who would have thought the breakup would drag on like this? I forced myself to swallow the question he'd posed and fiddled with the lipstick in my pocket. It was the one I'd taken from Jeon Jungkook's car. I didn't need anything else. Just this single, worn-out, bright red lipstick was enough. Because this lipstick, which would eventually disappear, would be the only thing that would seal our relationship. I waved at him one last time. Goodbye, Jeon Jungkook.
As always, a heavy silence greeted me as I entered the house. I'd come to love even this silence, knowing I wouldn't have many more days to feel this loneliness. Just as I was about to take off my shoes, oh, right. These shoes were also in Jeon Jungkook's car. How could they have left such a deep mark on each other's lives? They were gorgeous and pretty. There weren't many days left to wear them. But...
Why are there men’s shoes in the hallway…
As expected, a familiar silhouette appears as if it were scary to raise your head..
Only one thought flashed through my mind. Before I could even question his reason for being, my gaze shifted to the paper on the table. I shouldn't have seen it. I really shouldn't have. Park Jimin seemed to be saying something to me, but it only sounded like a mumbling sound effect. The paper wasn't on the table. Where did it go? Could it be Park Jimin already... It can't be. It can't be. It has to be. I nearly lost my mind, but Park Jimin's face filled my field of vision. Only then did I see the white paper over his shoulder, almost tucked under the sofa. I threw it there. Thank goodness. I was so grateful.
Now I can finally breathe. And now I can finally see you properly.
“Have you forgotten? We broke up.”
“I know. I heard you yesterday.”
“…”
“I came to talk today.”
It's only a breakup, so it's empty when it ends so suddenly. I have to cling to him. Where did that man who cried yesterday go? He's a completely different person in front of me. Have you been able to sort out your feelings since then? I'm annoyed that you came to my house without permission or contact, but when I think about how shocked you must have been after hearing what I said yesterday... This is a little too much. I decided to accept the situation. Still, since he's my guest, I thought I should treat him out of old friendship, so I asked him. Do you want something to eat? Or maybe something to drink.
“Anything is fine with me.”
It was a charm that only Park Jimin possessed. His signature eye smile. It was a smile that made anyone who saw it smile. When I first saw him, I thought, "I'll find myself smiling more whenever I'm around him." I knew I could see things through people. I smiled the entire time I was with him.
.
After meeting and breaking up with three men, and Jeon Jungkook returning to Europe, that spring passed and summer arrived. I was fully enjoying the exotic heat. I went to the beach with friends, went on picnics, and attended parties. Every day was a dream, and each day, I felt closer to my dream, and my confidence grew. That's when I decided to dedicate my life to fashion. Amidst the calm days, a wave was bound to crash. And soon, that wave began with Park Jimin.
Park Jimin, who was in Korea, sent me a short email saying he'd be coming to see me soon. As his face grew hazy, I was secretly excited at the prospect of meeting again. And it wasn't long before Jeon Jungkook found out. It was then, I think, that the relationship between the four of us began to unravel.
When the three of us, excluding Kim Taehyung, met again in this foreign land, our relationship had become noticeably closer. We spent half the day together, and we must have bonded as much as we did. A few months later, when I came to my senses, I realized... the secrets I'd kept from the two of them were growing bigger and bigger. When I saw Jeon Jungkook, when I saw Park Jimin... I felt guilty toward both of them. It was too early to call it an affair, but it was too early to call it love... It felt uncomfortable. An unclean relationship. Nothing more, nothing less.
.
For him, who couldn't handle bitter drinks, I added warm milk and syrup to his coffee. And then an Americano. Even when I carried both cups to the living room, the paper under the sofa still bothered me. When will I ever get it out? I decided to think about the right time and offered the cup to him. We sat at each end of the L-shaped sofa, each looking down at the mug in his hand. The rich aroma of coffee was just the right consistency to not be overpowering.
“Say what you want to say.”
Park Jimin took a few sips from his glass as if he'd been waiting, then set it down on the table. I followed suit. What did you come to me in person to say? Let's pretend the breakup never happened? Reconsider? We had fun together? No. It didn't seem like we had a good time. As a thousand speculations raced through my mind, my heavy mouth fell open.
"thank you."
It was an unexpected answer. My gaze, resting on the edge of the carpet, shifted to you. I destroyed your friendships with your friends, almost turning you into enemies. I hurt you endlessly. I wasn't even completely yours. How could you possibly be grateful to me? I deserved a slap from you. How could you say something like that to me?
What a kind and gentle person. I can feel it once again.
“Thanks to you, it wasn’t boring.”
“It wasn’t smooth sailing.”
I had to cool down. I didn't want to hurt someone like you any more. If I had to choose one regret before I die, I'd say it was meeting Park Jimin, a hundred, a thousand times over. It's not that I hate you. It's that you, a wonderful person, were too much for me. It's like someone like me had ruined you. Meeting you was both the worst and the best thing in my life.
“Is this what you came here to say?”
"huh."
Something hot welled up to my chin and then settled. To think that my last words to you, who had suddenly announced our breakup, were a thank you? The only emotion I felt toward you was guilt. I don't cry often, but strangely, just seeing you made me feel like I could burst into tears. I should've never met you in the first place. I shouldn't have met you. I shouldn't have gone there.
“Meet a good person, Ian.”
“…”
“Not with a light heart, but with a serious heart.”
“…”
“Someone who will love you very deeply.”
“…”
"Don't be a scar in someone's life anymore." Those were Park Jimin's last words. And then, before the coffee had even cooled, he left, saying he had something to do. I couldn't get up for a long time. The word "scar" kept ringing in my ears. Scar... You'll remember me as a scar. I'll be a deep scar in your heart. And yet, how can you expect me to meet someone good?
.
Epilogue
Paris, France
“You want to meet me?”
"I'm serious."
Ian sat by the window, gazing at Jimin, who whispered sweet nothings to him. Those eyes, as if swallowing a bittersweet sip, were particularly captivating that night. Ian thought for a moment, recalling the Jungkook in his mind. He coveted both, too eager to abandon either one. "If only I could have them both," Ian thought.
“I’m the type of person who finds dating really annoying.”
“I like it when you take care of me.”
“What if I cheat on you with another man?”
“Who are you going to make eye contact with, leaving me behind?”
Ian loved every word and every answer he gave. His innocent appearance and his eloquence were both captivating. Should I feign madness and meet them? Though his reasoning insisted otherwise, Ian found himself drawn to a more adventurous path. It was too pure to be dismissed as infatuation, yet too impure to be dismissed as curiosity. Ian's perilous adventure soon created a huge stir.