Let's break up
.
One morning in the height of summer in Paris, I opened my eyes in Jeon Jungkook's arms. The weather outside was strangely bright, and the comforter was warm. I scanned the room with half-open eyes. There was no wine, no clothes removed, no trace of a cigar. It was a clean night, the first time in a while. I was wearing a thin cardigan over a silk slip. He was shirtless. He slowly opened his eyes. He didn't say anything, just stared at me. Looking into his eyes, I remembered what had happened yesterday.
…
“You know too?”
"What."
"I have another man."
Jeon Jungkook, who was sitting on the sofa, stared at me as I sat on the bed. He answered with a consistently blank expression.so?As expected, he didn't show his emotions. I couldn't even fathom what he was thinking. That man was Park Jimin. He finally blurted out those words. I hoped there would be a moment of commotion in that blank expression. Just as I'd expected, his expression cracked. Thinking about it...
No, surprisingly, there was no change.
What is that look on his face, as if he knew everything? When I was about to ask a question, embarrassed, Jeon Jungkook spoke first.
“You thought I didn’t know.”
“Since when did you know?”
"Since when have you been seeing each other?" I asked, and the question came back to me as a question. We stared at each other, unwavering. If you found out your lover was cheating, shouldn't you normally get angry, break up, or do something? His reaction was truly, incredibly boring. "I need to say something. I'm going to see Park Jimin when I wake up tomorrow." Jeon Jungkook spoke after a long moment.
“What answer do you want?”
“…”
“Why are you saying that now?”
“…”
“You don’t want to meet me?”
He didn't show it, but he was clearly in a bad mood. Our time together had allowed me to discern his emotions just from his voice. Yes, this was the kind of reaction I should expect.
"If you don't like it, will you let me go?"
“Whatever you want.”
I'm bored. I try my best not to let my feelings show. I get tired of your puns easily, so I crawl under the covers. I don't want to talk anymore. I'm tired. And soon, Jeon Jungkook is sitting at the head of the bed, staring at me. But I try to pretend not to see him. I was just in a bad mood that day. At you, who never expressed your feelings to me. Despite my feelings, you stroked my hair. Only then did I throw the covers off and face you. Oh, right.
"Kim Taehyung is coming tomorrow."
"I haven't heard anything like that."
“He came to see me, not you.”
“Kim Taehyung, you too…”
Jeon Jungkook trailed off. He probably had an inkling of it. Why would Kim Taehyung fly all the way here without even contacting his friend? After all, he himself had done it a few months ago. He smiled. And then he kissed me. Just as things were about to get more intimate, I pushed his chest.
“I told you I’m meeting Jimin tomorrow. No.”
“What kind of logic is that?”
“You always leave a mark.”
.
The next day. As promised, Kim Taehyung arrived in Paris. It was the moment when all four of us finally set foot on the same soil. Kim Taehyung probably didn't know Park Jimin and Jeon Jungkook were here. I greeted him at the airport, where I went alone to pick him up. When I asked him why he'd returned, he said he was on a long business trip for work. I remember him laughing hysterically, telling me not to get the wrong idea since he wasn't here to see me.
Back then, our relationship was amicable. Until the hidden truth surfaced. Until I learned that I had met Park Jimin and Jeon Jungkook first.
.
And now, Korea. Today, nearly four years after I reunited with Kim Taehyung in Paris, I'm saying goodbye. Could I have foreseen the situation I'd find myself in four years ago? Ultimately, I'd leave indelible scars on all three of them, and I, too, would have to distance myself from them. If I had, I wouldn't have even started. What was going on in those ugly moments, those years that can't be dismissed as mere childish naivety?
I know what I did can't be justified in any way. I won't even try to. I knew it before this relationship even began. It wasn't normal or sensible. So I guess I'm being punished. It's like I've been given a limited time to pay for it. The white paper under the sofa. I just shoved it under the sofa.
Ding- The timing was perfect for a text message sound.
[Web transmission]
(Hip Store) We sincerely wish you a happy birthday, Choi Ian.
We will issue you a birthday discount coupon.
Oddly enough, this one text made me cry. I put down my phone, covered my face with my hands, and wept. In this quiet place, I sobbed out loud. Tears continued to flow down my cheeks and chin, never stopping. I could hear them falling to the floor. Where did these tears come from? Was it because it was my own birthday, which I'd forgotten? Was it because it was my last birthday? I don't know why. Everything was just sad and difficult. It was just. It was just like that.
I hadn't even realized I'd gotten a call because of my own sobbing. Just as I was starting to calm down, the loud, solitary ringing of the phone reached my ears. Without bothering to check the caller ID, I put the phone to my ear. "Hello." Anyone could tell it was the same voice that had been sobbing just moments before. "Damn it." The other person didn't answer. Was it spam? Anyway, I must have cried so much that my vision narrowed. I didn't want to look in the mirror. I waited for the other person to answer.
“Why are you crying?”
Hib. I was so surprised I hiccupped. It was just that short sentence, but I knew whose voice it was. Only then did I check the number. I knew who it was just by looking at the three digits after 010. I never knew that a nasal voice could be so embarrassing. I tried to clear my throat, but it was no use.
“It’s in front of the house.”
“…“
"i'll wait."
Anyway, he just said something and hung up. Even while crying, I hated that about him. I roughly wiped away the tear stains and checked my appearance on my phone screen. It was a mess. I chose a mask and hat as a form of defense. It was getting dark outside, and something white was blowing in the wind. It must be cold. I threw on a padded jacket and hurried out.
.
It's the first floor.
When I got off the elevator, I saw Kim Taehyung clutching something in his hand beyond the common hallway. He'd freeze to death, I thought, wearing a coat. In this freezing weather. I shook my head and walked forward. Then, as the front door opened, he turned to me. And my gaze landed on... the box he was holding. I couldn't quite place it. Then, I stared at his face.
“I cried a lot.”
“Still pretty, right?”
"her."
"Please tell me so."
I knew it was swollen too, but… Before I could finish, he added. “Pretty.” His voice was quiet. It was so quiet I almost couldn’t hear it. “You did everything I told you to do.” I almost laughed, but I held it back. “But why did you come?”
“To say goodbye for the last time.”
“…”
“It’s your birthday.”
"Please, let me take care of this. This is the last time," he said. "The last time… This was the first time I'd heard that word so melancholic. There's an end to our relationship, too. And, you haven't forgotten yet."
Jeon Jungkook and Park Jimin don't know my birthday. I only told Kim Taehyung in the first place. Jeon Jungkook kept a lot of things from me: his expressions, his emotions, everything about himself. Park Jimin was a delicate person. He prepared everything for even the smallest anniversaries, and he was very expressive even in everyday life. If there's a reason I didn't tell them my birthday, it was probably because of the pride I wanted to protect from Jeon Jungkook, and the sincere affection I received from Park Jimin. I wanted to have at least one secret I didn't tell Jeon Jungkook, and I wanted Park Jimin, who made every day feel special like his birthday, to have an anniversary he didn't know about.
And Kim Taehyung asked me first. I remember our first meeting. He asked me out of the blue, after exchanging my name, when my birthday was. From then on, he celebrated my birthday every year without fail. He believed birthdays were essential, no matter what. He was a man who appreciated the little things. Only then did I see the box. A white box with the bakery's name on it. It was a birthday cake.