Drops of light

04_Inner_Comfort

정예린

I'll be back.

정예린

...ha

*Crack*

정예린

Hi~~

I exhale with a short sigh, filled with lamentation and determination.

And then the serious act of being cheerful begins.

정은비

Yenni Angnong~

황은비

Hi!

정예린

Two Eunbi, yay~

최유나

Yerinidaaaaaa

김예원

Hi Vice Class President~ haha

정예린

Ang-nong ang-nong~ lol

정예린

Sojeong-in?

정은비

Don't you know? They haven't arrived yet.

Percussion - !!

김소정

Heeek... Heeeeek.....

정예린

Hmm... judging by your appearance, it looks like you overslept and ran here.

김예원

lol

김소정

Yes... you are absolutely right... hahaha

여자친구

lol

김예원

I'm going to start the class lol

정예린

Yeah... let's go back to our seats.

*

I always feel this way, but I don't know what on earth they are thinking to attend school classes and go to cram schools while struggling like this.

A sigh let out at the window before the sadness begins, as the day passes.

I keep suppressing my sadness, loneliness, and suffering.

Sighing is what you do to make more space when you can no longer pack in.

Then, when sighs alone can no longer hold it all back, they self-harm.

—Break time

In front of the math room..

김소정

Holes in the school window screens...

정은비

...is useless

최유나

lol

ah....

Looking out the window, the thought of impulsively jumping out fills my mind.

Actually, last night, I held a utility knife...

But to think I still feel the urge to end it so impulsively...

정예린

...ha.......

Phew... I almost let out a sigh.

*

정예린

School's over...

김예원

See you tomorrow, Yenny~~

황은비

Papa~

최유나

Jeong Eunbi! Let's go! Yerini hi~~

정은비

Bye, see you tomorrow~

김소정

Hey, let's go together!!! Bye, Yerin~

정예린

Hi~~ haha

.....

정예린

I have to go to the academy...

정예린

Huh? It's a utility knife.

정예린

.....No, if you're going to do it, go home.

정예린

Why am I like this today, seriously...

An impulsive urge welled up again.

정예린

I have to put it on the teacher's desk and leave quickly..

Click-clack

This road,

The path that everyone else walks with someone

I walk alone.

Actually... being alone is actually more comfortable, even if it's just like this.

But why am I suddenly feeling sad for no reason... lol

...Am I a useful person..?

Am I... someone worth living...?

Why... why am I alive?

Why go to such lengths to struggle like this...

Why... why on earth...?

Even if I die... would there even be anyone to mourn...?

.....well

Five of them are unsure, but...

It seems like no one will be sad except for those five.

I'm probably a stumbling block to even five people...

If I disappear...,

It would probably suit me better...

It would be better to just die than to go through this...

The school rooftop is locked, and so is the academy rooftop.

They practically built a wall on the library rooftop so you can't die at all...

Isn't there a suitable place...

It feels a bit awkward to buy sleeping pills... but I know I'll just obsess over it again...

But still, I don't think I can cut myself hard enough to kill myself with a utility knife.

I can't go to the Han River to drown myself because of my obsession...

Ha... damn.....

정예린

(Muttering) The world... really sucks.

Why do you make things this hard for me?

I'm clinging to the hem of my clothes at the edge of a cliff, but this isn't telling me to live or die...

The cliff has no end, so whether I hit the ground and die or climb back up... I can't even do that.

Seriously... that's cruel.

정예린

(Muttering) So annoying...

정예린

Phew...

How happy would I be if I could just have one day all to myself...

Just... collapsed from stress-induced overwork...

I hope I never wake up again..

Hmm... but I still have to write a will.

....Let's write it later. I can't even die as I please anyway.

It's a life that seems like it will be uselessly tough anyway.

정예린

Wow...the sky is really clear.

I... I want to be as clear as that sky.

I... want to be as bright as that sky.

I want to be bright, not just pretending, but genuinely.

Just as much as that sky... no, just one-tenth of that sky...

If I can truly be bright,

If only I could be truly clear,

If you can laugh sincerely,

That would be really great...

I wish it were like that just this once...

But I... I'm not,

I hate that every day ends negative like this... I'm exhausted.

....Ari.. I miss you

I need to get the tip in.

셀레나(정예린)

#Ariya?

아이리스

#Selly!!!

아이리스

#TogetherHaha

셀레나(정예린)

#Ohh, something feels good lol

아이리스

But why did they come so early?

셀레나(정예린)

#Just hehe

아이리스

#lol

셀레나(정예린)

#Hey, have you ever self-harmed too?

아이리스

Of course there is

아이리스

#Why...what happened?

셀레나(정예린)

#Just... I self-harmed yesterday, and today I felt really weird.

아이리스

#...Hmm? Something was off?

셀레나(정예린)

#Just... whenever I looked at a window, I felt like jumping out, and whenever I saw a utility knife, I felt like slitting my wrists.

셀레나(정예린)

And that too, completely without any reason, just impulsively.

아이리스

#Ah....it's tough, isn't it?

셀레나(정예린)

#..uh?

아이리스

#If such thoughts arise impulsively... yesterday's self-harm didn't get rid of a single one of the knots in your heart.

아이리스

It probably means that you have so many deep wounds that they don't disappear easily.

정예린

ha....

I let out a sigh, but since I had no reason to stop it and didn't want to, I just let it go.

I could feel that every single word Ari said was empathizing with and comforting me... and my heart began to swell.

Comfort, gratitude, apology, and nameless emotions all mixed together wildly and filled my heart.

However, nameless emotions... were by no means a bad feeling.

아이리스

#Is the human heart like a crustacean?

셀레나(정예린)

#shellfish..?

아이리스

#Yes. Crustaceans shed their hard shells as they grow, and they grow together when they are in their weakest form.

아이리스

The human heart is the same. It grows when it is at its weakest and most vulnerable.

아이리스

You are just growing right now

아이리스

#However, during that vulnerable time, I ended up bumping into things here and there and getting stabbed.

아이리스

I am thinking of ending it to heal those wounds and get rid of the pain.

아이리스

But, if you die, you won't be able to feel anything, so the pain will disappear, but the wound won't heal.

아이리스

That’s probably the reason I’m preventing your death and the reason you can’t give up easily.

셀레나(정예린)

#thank you

셀레나(정예린)

#I'll try to live a little longer

아이리스

#Yeah.. haha. It's a good choice. Thank you for trying to live longer.

셀레나(정예린)

#No... I'm the one who should be thankful... I love you♡

아이리스

#MeToo♡ Tell me whenever you want to confide your worries!

셀레나(정예린)

#Yeah.. haha

정예린

O...uh...?

When I came to my senses, tears were flowing down my face.

I realized it at that moment.

Ah, I needed comfort.

So I really needed comfort this desperately...

[04_Inner_Comfort] the end