Episode 6
responsibility.
(Namjoo's point of view)
At a certain time during a day that is no different from any other day.
I couldn't figure out why I did that.
I couldn't understand why I left my lab and rested in the residents' room.
However, after a difficult and long surgery, the lab was far away and my legs were sore...so I had no choice but to go into the nearby resident's room, sit on a chair, and rest my numb legs.
Perhaps I was not in my right mind due to the fatigue that was setting in.
I had a habit. I never fell asleep anywhere other than myself.
In fact, you could say that habit is a kind of survival method I developed to survive in this society.
So I just closed my eyes for a moment and thought.
What do you think? A very happy thought... It's a secret. For now...
A few minutes later, someone opened the door and came in.
'uh..'
I opened my eyes and checked who it was.
'It's that woman again... No, is it right to call her a resident...?'
The woman was walking quietly outside in a foolish manner.
'I should go out...'
"I'm not sleeping"
"I'll go out. Take a rest."
When I spoke, the woman looked at me with surprised rabbit eyes. Then she told me to keep resting.
"I told you not to sleep lol I was just thinking about it for a moment"
Since I was going to leave anyway, I went out.
"I was just thinking about it for a moment. Take a break~"
It was just a greeting. It was a meaningless, soulless word.
"Oh, over there... the elevator before..."
I brought up that story. That woman spoke first.
"Elevator? When are you talking about..."
Of course I remember. You left such an unforgettable first impression... how could I forget... haha But I pretended not to know.
When she brought that up, the look on her face was like she really wanted me not to know.
I left the room and went up to my lab to turn on my computer to start working.
'uh!?'
There was no cell phone.
It seemed like I had left it in that room earlier.
'madam...'
I had no choice but to go back down to that room.
'uh...?'
The woman was sleeping face down on the desk. And next to her was my cell phone.
I grabbed my phone and tried to go outside.
at that time,
"The sea is really pretty.. haha"
The sea?? The resident who was sleeping, that woman was talking in her sleep.
But why the sea... of all places...
The snoring continued, and I decided to take a quick look because I thought it was funny.
"Hahaha...good..ㅎ"
It seems like you're having a happy dream.
"Next time too?...Okay...haha"
What keeps getting better... I can't believe it.
But the expression on his face while he was sleeping was so happy that I couldn't help but keep looking at it.
He continued to look so happy... and then suddenly jumped up. It startled me, too. Then he looked around, stared intently at his watch, and sighed in relief.
I held back my laughter at that sight.
"Ouch!! Surprise!!"
He looks at me and is surprised again. Ah... surprise... Why are you surprising me too? This is already the second time today...
I think I was the one who got hurt, but I apologized without realizing it.
"Oh, I'm sorry... were you surprised?"
".....Teacher Kang Daniel...?..."
"Ah...what did you leave behind..."
He looked at me with a strange expression as if asking why I was there, and when I told him that I had left something behind, he immediately made an 'Ah~' expression.
'What the...it's simpler than kindergarten...'
I got up from my seat in embarrassment and tried to go outside.
'But... I felt something strange earlier...?
ah,.....'
Usually, we call doctors by their last name, or if we are close, by their last name, "teacher."
'Huh, Mr. Daniel Kang? Haha, isn't it too long?'
It was funny, but I taught it because I thought other people would laugh if I didn't teach them.
"Just call me Mr. Kang, Mr. Jeong."
After saying that, he went outside and laughed again.
"Huh"
And in my surgery, there was that woman.
Ha... I thought, this is a really tenacious relationship.
"The surgery is starting."
Of course, that's not it, that specialist's expression also looked embarrassed.
Since he has only been a resident for a short time, this was probably his first surgery, but he did a better job than I expected.
Even though it was my first time, I didn't feel much awkwardness.
I thought he would become a good doctor.
And I also thought that it might be okay to keep coming into my surgery.
One year later.
I don't think, act, or say much different even after a year.
To me, last year and this year are just the same days.
One day, while I was making rounds, I happened to overhear someone's conversation, completely unintentionally.
The main characters of the conversation were a man and a woman.
"Oh, I just had back surgery... I can't even hold a conversation..."
"why?"
"I wonder what happened. This time, he got hurt and tried to commit suicide."
"Ah... First-year residents get to see all kinds of patients... Haha. Those kinds of patients are the hardest to deal with... because they don't open up."
"Heart...is it?"
"Yeah. To have a conversation with those kids, you have to open your heart. And you have to talk. Those kids... If you discharge them saying they've recovered, most of them come back in the same way. You don't know if they'll come back alive or dead..."
"Ah... ha... what should I do..."
"If it's difficult, call a psychiatrist. That'll be the best way."
"No, I'll try. It's my patient, so I want to take responsibility."
"Okay, try it. Just don't use too much strength."
"yes"
It was a familiar voice. I was so curious that I glanced over.
Also, that specialist... and he graduated from the same university as me... what was his name?
Anyway, the two were the owners of familiar voices.
Listening to the conversation, it seems like the first-year resident doctor has a difficult patient.
A child who had a story of trying to commit suicide...
To put it simply, it's a headache.
What the specialist, whose name I don't remember, said was right.
Those people need to open their hearts and talk.
The process is difficult... but the method is simple.
'conversation'
Still, it would be difficult for a resident to handle...
'Oh, why should I care about other people's business... Let's stop caring, mind.'
I was doing something useless. Like an idiot.
"I want to take responsibility for my patient."
I think it was responsibility... that resident...
"Responsibility, my ass. You're talking about responsibility so irresponsibly."
The word responsibility is a very heavy and dark word.
No one can be truly responsible. Most people who say, "I'll take responsibility," or "I'm a responsible person" don't even know the first word of "responsibility."
Anyone who knows the weight of the word "responsibility" won't be able to say it so easily. It's so heavy, so dark, so fearful. That's what responsibility is.