I had Byun Baekhyun take me to the Han River, to that little house with the blue eaves—the place where Oh Sehun and I used to live. I still rent that house, even though I never live there again and never come to see it. But I still can't forget it, I can't forget Oh Sehun.
This is the first time I've come here alone. Before, I always came with Wu Sehun... Perhaps the only things that haven't changed over the years are the still-white walls and the seamless blend of water and sky. What has changed is time itself, and also the people I used to be with.
I slowly walked into the room. The deep purple bed felt as warm and comfortable as when I first bought it. Perhaps that's why Sehun wanted to buy this bed so much; it had a homey feel, even though it didn't match the room's design at all. I tried lying down, but the cold, empty space made me feel so lonely.
"Are you alright, my love far away? May the autumn wind carry away the sorrow of my longing, transforming it into a gentle, warm current to nourish your emotions and soothe my yearning. Let longing no longer ache in your heart, let helplessness no longer fill your heart with tears. Let this heart forever fly towards you, clear and warm."
I remember him lying beside me reading poetry. I was initially required to write poetry, something I lacked, but student council duties were overwhelming me, so Sehun insisted on reading to me every night. Hearing it so often helped me remember it, and I finished my assignment perfectly. Sehun maintained this habit, saying he loved watching my expression as I pondered the meaning of the poems.
When I'm feeling down, he'll take me out to play. Even if he's also going through a rough patch, he'll never show any unhappiness in front of me. He'll always open his arms to me; he's like a safe haven. When I'm hurt, he'll hold me tightly and comfort me...
All those memories flooded back to me, washing over me like waves. It was as if he had appeared before me in a daze, embracing me tightly, but it was all just a fantasy. Why do I still remember him so clearly after all this time? Even though we've been apart for so long, I still can't forget him.
I sat alone in a spot overlooking the Han River, gazing at the sky and the river. A gentle breeze was refreshingly cool. The rain had stopped, the dark clouds had dispersed, and the moon and stars had returned. But the sky before me had changed; it was sunrise, and a faint orange light was gradually appearing. The moon and stars, which I had finally managed to see, had vanished again, I wondered where they had gone. I thought…
The moon and stars don't disappear; they've simply gone to other places to continue illuminating others.
I hope the moonlight can illuminate where he is, so that I won't be afraid of him in the darkness anymore, especially in the long early morning. I won't want him by my side, I won't miss him more, I won't want to see him anymore, not even for a minute. I won't want to tell him again, "I love you, I really love you," but I will eventually forget him.
I turned on my phone and sent him a text message.
"How are you? I'm fine."
Then, without the slightest hesitation, I deleted his phone number, even though no one would answer. I'd kept it for a long time; it was the number I'd refused to delete even if it killed me back then. Every time I wanted to call, I couldn't bring myself to do it, afraid I'd regret knowing something. Finally, I could delete it without any regrets.
I may still miss you, but I will try my best to forget you, just as earnestly as I loved you back then.