Bittersweet

6_Bittersweet

It was a thunderbolt, a sound like a bolt from the blue. The jackknife Wonwoo had used since his days in the gang was now in Mingyu's hands. Mingyu looked back and forth between Wonwoo and the jackknife, then threw it to the floor.
And then he shouted, "Are you crazy?" But Wonwoo's expression was completely serious.

He wasn't crazy. There wasn't a lie in what he said today. Or at least, there wasn't a single lie in what he said in front of Mingyu today. Wonwoo truly hoped the jackknife he'd been using would finally end him or Seungcheol. But how could someone who couldn't even end himself end someone else?

Ultimately, Wonwoo's words to Mingyu amounted to nothing more than a shirking of responsibility, a refusal to do what he couldn't. If Mingyu refused, he'd have a justification to demand a halt to his gang activities, so he must have been more clever than he'd anticipated. However, Mingyu's actions defied Wonwoo's expectations.

Mingyu caught his breath, picked up the jackknife I'd thrown, and headed for the front door. Wonwoo grabbed Mingyu, asking what he was doing. Mingyu's expression became dry, as if the jackknife were determining the fate of its wielder.






"If you want me to finish it, I will."

"Kim Min-gyu."

"You hoped that the last person on this knife would be your brother or that kid?"

"Give me back that knife right now."

"I won't kill you. Do you know who you are?"

"Kim Min-gyu!!"

"Instead, don't kill anyone anymore, hyung."






It was nonsense. How could he not kill if he couldn't leave the organization? He tried to stop Mingyu, saying it was nonsense, but Mingyu grabbed Wonwoo's wrist and pushed him against the wall. He could sense Mingyu's sincerity, trying to stop him somehow, in his hands, his eyes, his breath. From then on, all Wonwoo could do was let Mingyu go.












-











After Mingyu left, the house was utterly dark. Had they ever fought like this without even turning on the lights? Wonwoo came out with his carrier and roughly packed his belongings inside. Then he called Seungcheol on the phone he used at the organization. Seungcheol greeted Wonwoo with a smile. He was breathing in a hellish world where he felt like he was going to die, but he was chuckling, wondering what was so good about it.




"Hey Wonwoo. What's going on?"

"...Brother, I'll quit."

"what?"




Seungcheol's voice suddenly sharpened. Of course, since Wonwoo was responsible for his own amusement. Seungcheol tried to catch Wonwoo, asking what was suddenly causing this. But perhaps Mingyu's words had stirred a storm inside Wonwoo? The obedient Wonwoo disobeyed Seungcheol.





"Wonwoo, if you quit the organization, there's nothing to protect you."

"I know."

"You either die as a sinner in society or you die in the organization."

"Yes, I know."

"Do you think your life will change if you quit?"






He knew his life wouldn't change. He'd taken countless lives with his own hands. He knew he'd branded himself a monster. It was too late to blame others. Knowing that blaming himself wouldn't make a difference, Wonwoo spoke calmly to Seungcheol on the other end of the phone.




"I'm not quitting because I hope things will change."

"That's funny. Don't you expect the guy who left the organization to change things?"

"I just lost interest in killing people."




Seungcheol's breath, his voice raspy, could be heard over the phone. A brief silence followed. Wonwoo knew this situation all too well. Whenever someone left the organization, it was Wonwoo's job to deal with them. Wonwoo's gaze fell on his carrier.These are all just burdens.I had a thought.

Wonwoo stood in front of the entrance, his roughly packed luggage already unpacked. Seungcheol spoke to Wonwoo one last time.Do you know what to do now?Next was the voice calling him. Seungcheol hung up after that. Wonwoo dropped his phone to the floor after that last call. He then grabbed the front door handle.










-






'Ugh...ugh-'





Freedom comes at a price.This is exactly how it felt. Unfazed by Seungcheol's words, Wonwoo fled the organization, encountering a feeling he'd never felt before. The sense of liberation and freedom he felt upon opening the front door was sweet. But the death that followed behind him was more terrifying than he'd expected, even more so than savoring that sweetness.

Wonwoo hoped his time in the organization would end in liberation and freedom, rather than death. He'd once discussed with Mingyu over drinks that perhaps, if anything could be achieved, it would be this. But now, unlike then, he felt a surge of greed.

I wanted to quit the organization, dedicate the freedom I gained from complete freedom to atone for the sins I'd accumulated. But all of this was predicated on survival. Even if I had pushed my responsibilities onto Min-gyu, I was the one who had gone all-in.










-










Wonwoo's legs were numb, he was out of breath, and above all, the falling rain weighed heavily on his steps. Wonwoo wondered where he could stay, but all that came to mind were that house and Mingyu. Wonwoo's interpersonal relationships had been a complete mess due to his gang activities. Thanks to Mingyu caring for him as a truly precious older brother, their relationship was difficult to break.

There was no going back home, and the answer was ultimately Mingyu. Without much thought, Wonwoo looked around and stepped into a public phone booth. He dug through his pockets, pulled out his wallet, took a few coins, and dialed Mingyu's number. After a few dial tones, he heard Mingyu's voice.





"who are you?"

"Min-gyu."





Wonwoo's voice, clearly tired but cheerful, came through the phone. His breathing seemed a little ragged. Mingyu asked what had happened to Wonwoo and what the number was. Wonwoo said he had quit the organization and that this was the only way to avoid killing anyone, and that he had called from a pay phone while on the run. Hearing that, Mingyu let out a loud, startled sigh. Perhaps it was some unexpected turn of events, something even he hadn't anticipated.





"How were you going to handle that?"

"So who wants to be the first to take on something they can't handle?"





A laugh escaped Wonwoo's lips. He didn't say a word, but Mingyu was quite surprised, and for a moment, he was silent. "Have you ever seen Wonwoo laugh so freely? Even when we were drinking together, he didn't laugh so freely," he thought.

So this hyung finally felt liberated. I'd never seen Wonwoo laugh so easily before, the pressure of the small pleasures he'd shared with him so quickly followed by the clamor of frustration. But now he's free enough to laugh so easily. Mingyu felt a little relieved and asked what was going on. And then, at Wonwoo's next words, Mingyu, already relieved, let out another sigh.






"Min-gyu, I have nowhere to go."





Wonwoo muddled through, saying, "What can I do about being a fugitive?" Or did this guy have no plan? If you're a fugitive, why bother planning when you can just keep running? Mingyu scolded Wonwoo for committing the crime without a plan. But who else would look after Wonwoo if not me?

Of course, Seungchul knew full well that Wonwoo had no one but Mingyu. They'd been part of the same organization in the past, and ever since Seungchul caught Wonwoo's eye, he'd been staunchly against allowing anyone else near him. But even Seungchul couldn't stop Mingyu.

That's why Seungcheol would definitely think Wonwoo would come to him. If that were the case, he couldn't keep Wonwoo there. Even if Seungcheol expected it, he couldn't approach him at will. After much deliberation, Mingyu finally decided on the best course of action.






"If you tell me the location, I'll go there."

"What should I do when I come here?"

"Let's decide that here."






I finally thought Mingyu was losing his mind. He'd told me to join Jeonghan. Wonwoo had dealt with more than a few Jeonghan supporters, and Mingyu couldn't have been unaware of it. Of course, he'd done something himself, and more than anything, I doubt Jeonghan would tolerate such a thing.

When Wonwoo said that didn't seem right, Mingyu asked if there was another way. Wonwoo couldn't answer. He knew there wasn't another way, but he wanted to break free from the very framework of the organization.

The liberation and freedom he'd finally found seemed easily taken away. But he thought, if only he could endure it just one more time, perfect liberation, perfect freedom, wouldn't it be worth it just this once? And Wonwoo decided to do as Mingyu suggested.





"Kim Min-gyu, listen carefully. I will not become a member of an organization."

"That's not what I meant. But what's more important than life?"

"I know. I know."

"If your life is at stake, you have to make an unfair deal."

"But this isn't it."

"You told me to do it if there's even a little hope."






Who would have thought that the things I said to Mingyu before would hold me back like this? I was already in a state of surrender when I first spoke, but Wonwoo ended up waving a white flag. I immediately relayed my location and crouched down in a phone booth to wait for Mingyu. I must have waited there for about 10 minutes for him.

The public phone booth doorBam!And it opened. Wonwoo, his body stiff with tension, rolled his eyes and looked up. Then, he felt relieved immediately. The happy face I'd been waiting for smiled gently and reached out to Wonwoo.





"Brother, let's go."




It was a more welcome face than ever.