I finally got to meet you after going around and around.
I keep having the illusion that I've walked all my seventeen years to meet you. I really like you. I'd be fine with you taking everything from me. I could give you my all.
One. Day 1
Home in Korea was quieter than I'd expected. With school starting soon, the necessary transfer procedures were handled fairly smoothly, and my family here seemed uninterested in what I was doing. I couldn't tell if it was indifference or consideration, but it was a good thing. I didn't feel the need to become close, and it seemed the other person felt the same way.
***
It's been three days since I arrived in Korea.
I decided to go out for a bit to look around. It was a hot summer day, so I wore a crop top and sweatpants, and tied my long black hair up.
Looking out the window, I saw the same hot sun beating down through it today as always. I placed my hand on the windowsill, and the intense sunlight bathed the frame, making it feel warm. You'll be fine. You'll have been here from the beginning. You'll be able to bask in the ever-welcoming sunlight and moonlight. I'll shine on you until you're worn out and broken.
I felt a little depressed.
Even though summer, with its clear blue skies and bright red sun, is my favorite season.
***
The downtown area of Korea was quite lively. I saw many people dressed up so well that my casual attire seemed insignificant (though, in fact, most of them were probably pretty). Everyone was going their own way, but their footsteps seemed to have a destination in mind, giving them a certain liveliness. Among all those busy people, I felt like I was the only one without a destination.
"Oh, shit."
Then, suddenly, our shoulders touched, and harsh words pierced my ears.
"Sorry. Are you okay?"
(I'm sorry. Are you okay?)
Embarrassed, I naturally blurted out the more familiar English first. "Oh, I'd be flustered if it were English." Foolishly, that worry was the first thing that crossed my mind.
"Oh my, what, ...a foreigner?"
“Hey. Why you. Um. What are you doing, hitting me.”
"Hit."
Another boy, standing next to the frowning boy, spoke softly. "He's quite tall. His shoulders are broad, and his lips are quite pretty..."
"Oh, I don't know, why did you hit it?"
A boy next to him stopped the man, who was frowning and growling lowly.
Calm down, why are you doing this to a poor person?
"...I'm sorry..."
"Oh my god, this kid can speak Korean!"
"Stop it, stop it."
After he finished saying that he had been very rude, the two of them disappeared into the crowd, and I just walked along the straight road in a daze.
Strange people...
***
And the weirdest thing was me. Wow, I was such an idiot. Walking down a street I'd never been to before without a cell phone, without a care in the world.
"Whaa... I'm very stupid."
(Wow... I feel so stupid.)
My vision went dark. Those I was living with were more likely than not to come looking for me. We weren't particularly close, and they might actually be happy if I disappeared. They'd take the money, but with me gone, they could use it themselves.
"Haa... How do I do?"
(Sigh... What should I do?)
To make matters worse, dark clouds quietly gathered, sprinkling cold rain as if they were waiting for me to lose my way. It's cold. In the end, it's like this again. Falling into the darkness, not a single hand reaches out. The always cold and dry realities. I'm always the one who dies in it. It feels like I'm falling endlessly into the abyss...
“I guess English is definitely more comfortable, I even talk to myself in English.”
It was a warm word. So warm that it could boil water.
Pasture (produced by)