It was last year. I loved someone enough to give my all, and I lost just as much. Why is there a saying, "The greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment?" I was the one who felt the full weight of that disappointment.
During my second year of high school, when everyone else was stressed from their studies, I was no different. During winter break after my freshman year, I was just as anxious and fearful as everyone else.
The first day of school on March 2nd, my second year, was incredibly difficult. Living just ten minutes away, I walked among the tall boys, my eyes fixed on the ground. I wasn't the popular kid or the standout model student, so I was just average. My social skills were so poor that I went with two friends.
It was safe to say that the chances of those two being in the same class as Class 12 were nil. The kids were all chattery before assembly time, and I, on the other hand, stood out among them. "The silent protagonist" was almost my nickname. A boy sat next to me. He was tall and slender, and from his face to his proportions, he looked like a celebrity. He was cooler than most idols who were popular these days. However, I preferred polite, kind, and truly upright children, so his behavior shocked me quite a bit. Those pretentious girls and the boy they liked would always steal something from the kids during recess.
'But if he becomes a celebrity, he won't have to worry about money...' That guy was Jeon Jungkook, who sat right next to me, who was my everything.
"Hey, what's next?"
"....me?"
"Yeah, right. You."
"..Technology...! Just go to the technology room..!"
"Thank you~"
This was our first conversation. Yeah, these kids always ask me about my schedule. Seriously. There were several of them last year, too, and every time we ran into each other, they'd grab me and say, "Hey, what's your homeroom lesson?" Jeon Jungkook was similar, and I tried to just ignore it. But after he grabbed me and asked, the look on his face was unforgettable. Those slanted eyes and red lips peeked out from under his black hat. I realized for the first time that I had that kind of taste. For a week, that face kept popping into my head, and I thought I was going crazy. I was so determined to talk to him that I thought, if I studied like this, I could have even gotten into Seoul National University.
Then, March 31st was the day I spoke to Jeon Jungkook first.
"Jungkook, have you thought of a topic for your group project?"
Of course, even though it was a trivial question, I was trembling as if I were confessing.
".....I don't know, you're good at it. Do whatever you want."
Whenever I heard something like that, I'd wonder, "Did he really look at me? Could he really be interested in me?" After that, we exchanged contact information for an assignment and met up three or four times. I was so focused on the assignment that I don't really remember the time, but every single message Jeon Jungkook sent me after that was so precious. It made me wonder if that's why girls like him.
I don't know why he's saying such sweet things to me, but I was even more shaken because not many guys have treated me like this.I think Jeon Jungkook likes me.Actually, there was another reason why I started thinking like this.
On May 16th, the week after my midterms, I got a call from Jeon Jungkook. He wanted to hang out with me. I said yes and quickly got everything ready. I don't know what it was, but it felt like unrequited love could make showering enjoyable even for enemies. When I quickly finished getting ready and came out, Jeon Jungkook was waiting for me, wearing jeans and his hair a little dry. I wanted to honestly ask, "Why me when there are so many girls?" I didn't want to misunderstand. But I wanted to keep believing in myself. I desperately wanted him to like me.
We did quite a bit that day. We rode bikes, went to cafes, and bought clothes. I thought it would be awkward, but it was surprisingly enjoyable. Jeon Jungkook treated me like I was more than just a friend. We took pictures and uploaded them to Instagram, and I realized I really liked him, no, I loved him. Every time he spoke, I listened attentively, and he would definitely look at me and smile cutely. I suggested many things for him, and even took the initiative to do things for him. I always had him in my heart.
On July 20th, my birthday arrived while we were still in that relationship. The weather was incredibly hot, and I couldn't even think about going out. However, Jeon Jungkook and I, who had become much closer since May, celebrated my birthday by having a meal together. We met at my favorite pasta restaurant, and Jeon Jungkook brought me a slice of cake and flowers as a birthday present. I realized for the first time why the "Beloved Yeoju" part of the birthday song could be so exciting.
Perhaps because it was late at night, the normally quiet alley was brightly lit by streetlights. Just as I was about to set the mood and confess, something touched my lips. My eyes widened in surprise, and I saw Jeon Jungkook smiling before me.
"Happy birthday, Jeong Yeo-ju."
"Uh...huh..? Huh......."
I wanted him to confess to me right then and there. But he kept talking about other things until we got home. In the end, I arrived home with no progress in our relationship.
Still, my steps on the way to school were quite light, gripped by a sense of anticipation. Until I arrived at the library. I shouldn't have checked out the book then, and I shouldn't have seen that scene. The scene where the man I loved, the man who had kissed me yesterday, was doing the same thing with another girl. I didn't shed a single tear. I even checked that the name tag said Jeon Jungkook, but I knew it would happen in the end. I foolishly couldn't confess even once, and in the end, I couldn't even get mad at that piece of trash.
Yeah, thinking back, that's true. Even when he was with me, Jeon Jungkook had absolutely no interest in my interests or my thoughts. He never put down his spoon first, not even once.