Rumors don't always spread in the direction I intended.
Especially in a space like high school.
“Do you guys have… something?”
Eun-jeong's questioning tone was so vague that I shook my head without hesitation.
“What is it?”
“No, just. You and Jeonghan are a bit ambiguous these days.”
The word ambiguous.
Is there anything that confuses me as much as that word?
Yoon Jeong-han and I aren't related. But even though we're not, he catches my eye too often.
During class, I can hear the sound of textbooks being turned without anyone saying anything, and during break time, they always come to me and lie down or stare blankly out the window.
It feels like he knows I'm there but pretends not to know, and then he blurts out a word.
“But you really bite your lips a lot.”
After hearing that, I started to care about myself too.
Are you biting your lips or are your eyes always looking in Yoon-Jeong's direction?
And crucially, that question that day.
“Don’t you have something to say to me?”
That wasn't a thoughtless joke.
There was a certainty in her eyes that she knew something, and she had the composure not to hide it.
*
During lunchtime, I decided to deliberately distance myself from Jeonghan.
I didn't want to stand out to people for no reason, and it was funny to give meaning to things on my own.
“Hey, class president. The teacher told you to tell her about the change in the lunch menu.”
But of all people, he called me.
I approached him, groaning inwardly.
“Teacher? Why don’t you tell me directly…”
“You’re my older sister.”
Jeonghan said nonchalantly.
I looked around. Fortunately, no one seemed to have heard.
“Hey. I told you not to say that at school.”
“Yeah. I said it just for you to hear.”
Yoon Jeong-han speaks with the corners of his lips slightly raised.
This is driving me crazy. Why do you keep saying such annoying things?
“You’ve been acting strange lately.”
"okay?"
“Yeah. I feel like I keep crossing the line.”
“But you said it wasn’t bad to cross that line.”
I thought I could hear my heart sinking.
Jeonghan faced me and slowly lifted the tray.
“Let’s eat together.”
I couldn't answer and followed him, asking him questions I hadn't even asked.
“That secret… Is it true that no one knows except you?”
Jeonghan nodded.
“Yeah. I never said anything. Except for you.”
“…Why did you only tell me?”
Jeonghan looked down at me and said.
“From then on, I was just a little curious.”
"…when?"
“The day you cleaned silently, even holding the broom upside down.”
I almost stopped walking.
“It was so stupid, but strangely enough, it bothered me.”
Whether that's a compliment, a mockery, or just an honest observation.
But strangely enough, it was a word that stayed in my mind.
Jeonghan continued speaking.
"Why do you do everything so casually? You seem like the kind of person who accepts everything without saying a word."
I couldn't respond. I just held the tray tightly.
Because, those words just now felt strangely warm.
I don't know why I looked like that, but at least someone was watching.
*
After class, I cautiously opened my mouth next to Jeonghan, who was packing his bags.
“But you…”
"huh."
“That ‘let me tell you one more thing’ thing you said back then. What was that?”
Jeonghan took his bag.
He turned his head slightly towards me and smiled very briefly.
“Can’t you say that now?”
"…why?"
“Then it would end too quickly.”
I was speechless for a moment.
What does that mean, it's over?
Jeonghan brushed past my shoulder and said one more thing.
“But really, is it not okay for you to like me?”
Heart pounding.
I stood there, unable to move, watching his back as he walked away without a sound.